Was at Festival of Praise last week and although I must admit that I am getting old and not really taking to the loud music and even for the message, (frankly) I was a little bored because it was on Saul and David, what we had covered for OTC in the past few weeks. But I must really admit that the Lord works in wonderful ways. I was (or rather still am) feeling at a loss with everything from my work, to my spiritual walk and also cell leadership. I am frankly feeling I am quite at the bottom of the pit and several times I "cry" out to the Lord why this is happening to me.
Then, the pastor began to say something which made me "spring" up from my seat. He reminded that David, a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), also constantly asked the Lord for a fresh anointing. It reminded me that I can do that too. Then much later, Don Moen came on stage and sang the song "I Will Sing" and it ministered deeply, reminding me how much God is in control. Incidentally, the past two weeks, I thank God for sending people to affirm me that God is in control. Ultimately, I am a man of few words and sometimes really don't know what to say and the song and a few other Psalm did help me to become more clear about how I am feeling and help express these emotions to God. It is OK even if some of these feelings are anger, hurt, disappointment (of the Lord) because God knows our feelings but are we honest with Him? Even as I write this article now, I have this deep headache throbbing in my head and I am not sure if it is spiritual attack, but I will speak forth what the Lord has helped me to realise and share.
I found the following which was written by Don Moen about this too. Taken off Integrity Music's website, he speaks about being honest with God in our worship, which I found meaningful and would like to share.
Let's Be Honest!
by Don Moen
©2000 by Don Moen
Imagine this scene with me. It's Sunday morning about 10:35. You have just entered the sanctuary of your church after the usual hassles of getting everyone out the door and in the car. You were running a little late, so all the good parking places were taken. (You were tempted to park in the visitors parking space, but you resisted, hoping God noticed.) Finally, you walk into the service already in progress. The worship leader is introducing a new song. You notice the words in your bulletin and as you try to learn the melody, you began to feel a little uncomfortable with the lyrics. This is not what you're used to singing. You begin to wonder if this song is scripturally accurate.
The first verse says, "Do not keep silent oh God of my praise! For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful have opened against me. They have spoken against me with a lying tongue. They have also surrounded me with words of hatred and fought against me without a cause. In return for my love they are my accusers, but I give myself to prayer. Thus they have rewarded me evil for good and hatred for my love." (NKJ) You are beginning to feel uncomfortable singing these words in a worship service of all places, but the worship leader begins with the second verse and says, "Let's just lift our voices this morning and sing verse two together."
Before you realize what is happening, you are singing along with him. "Set a wicked man over him, and let an accuser stand at his right hand. When he is judged, let him be found guilty, and let his prayer become sin. Let his days be few, and let another take his office." "Good grief! What are we singing?" you ask yourself. "This has to get better." It doesn't, but you continue singing along. "Let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. Let his children continually be vagabonds and beg. Let them seek their bread also from their desolate places. Let the creditor seize all that he has and let strangers plunder his labor. Let there be none to extend mercy to him nor let there be any to favor his fatherless children. Let his posterity be cut off and in the generation following let their name be blotted out." (NKJ) Whoa! "Enough already!" you say. "What's going on here? We can't sing songs like this in our church. God might be listening!"
As you probably know, this is a Psalm (song) of David. (Psalm 109:1-13) There is still a lot more to sing in this Psalm. David was not finished writing what was on his heart yet. Can you imagine singing this in your church on Sunday morning? Probably not. We usually prefer the "safer" Psalms! Ones that we think God is comfortable with, such as, "Oh Lord our Lord how majestic (excellent) is your name in all the earth." (Psalm 8:1) "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth." (Psalm 34:1) "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) "I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise." (Psalm 100:4), etc. Don't misunderstand me, I love these Psalms and I sing them quite often when I am leading worship, but I believe there is more that God wants to show us in the area of worship and it has to do with honesty. In John 4: 23-24 Jesus told us "the Father is seeking worshipers who will worship Him in Spirit and Truth." Our Heavenly Father is not afraid of honesty in worship! Quite the contrary, He is longing for us to be truthful in our worship.
Do we put on another face when we come to church or go to a Christian conference? Sometimes I feel there are a lot of games being played among Christians and I believe our Heavenly Father longs for us to get past this and get to the next level in worship. Remember it is the Father's desire for us to worship Him in Spirit and Truth.
Truthfulness. He desires our worship to be full of truthfulness. Too many times when it comes to worship, we hold back from telling the truth! Instead, we compromise our true feelings and sing songs with "safe" lyrics that won't offend God. Do we really think that He is not aware of how we really feel? There is something that God wants to show us here in the area of true and honest worship. I believe there is another level that God wants to take us to in Praise and Worship. It's not going to replace what we have done, but augment it and open up a new dimension in worship for all of us.
In October, my new Hosanna! Music project will be released. It was recorded at CBN with a small audience of about 60 - 70 people. As you may realize, the dynamics of a worship service with this many people are certainly different than they are in a crowd of several thousand. But the worship experience during the recording and video taping was very powerful and very intimate. I wrote a song for this project that I decided I couldn't record because of the honesty of the lyrics. I was shocked when I started writing down the lyrics while driving my car one day:
Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more, it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now,
That it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace
With all that's in my heart;
I will sing, I will praise,
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain,
I will sing, I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You,
Because Your Word is true,
I will sing!
After playing this for a few people, including my wife, Laura, I decided to put this song on the project. In fact, it is the title cut! Everyone who heard it seemed to identify with the lyrics. Everyone has had a day when it seemed like God was far away. During those times, He is always close by our side but it is hard for us to believe it. I think an honest lyric like this can be an important step in helping us through any difficult circumstance.
As I mentioned earlier, David wrote many of these "honest" songs, yet he was called "a man after God's own heart." (Acts 13:22) He was also called the "apple of God's eye." (Psalm 17:8) What does this mean? How can this be? How can a man who is called the "apple of God's eye" write something like Psalm 109? Could it be that God loves honesty? I think the answer to that is obvious. Open up your heart to Him today and be honest about the way you feel about a situation. Perhaps God will give you a Psalm like He gave David. As you begin to be totally honest and vulnerable with God in worship, (and I'm not talking about singing the blues) I believe He will help you become the kind of worshiper He is looking for - one who worships Him in Spirit and in Truth.
Do meditate on the lyrics and let God speak into your heart as you speak into His:
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