These few days, I have been reminded of Emmanuel, God with Us; that no matter what happens, even when it seems that we are all alone and everything seems to be falling apart, He is always still around.
It is something I am reminding myself.
Also came across a nice story shared during chapel today and hope it blesses you.
Just Pedal
At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things that I did wrong so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him.
But later on when I met Christ it seemed as though life was like a bike ride. But it was a tandem bike, and I noticed Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has never been the same since. When I had control I knew the way. It was rather boring, but it was predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains and through rocky places at break neck speeds. It was all that I could do to hang on. And even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."
I worried and was anxious, and I asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer. That's when I learned that I was going to have to trust Him. I forgot my boring life in every adventure. And when I said, "I'm scared," He leaned back and just touched my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. He gave me gifts to take on my journey, and off we were again. He would say, "Give the gifts away. They are extra baggage, too much weight." So I did to people we met and I found that in giving I received and the journey continued and our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, to take control of my life. I thought He would wreck it. But He knows bike secrets. He knows how to make those sharp corners, and how to jump to clear high rocks, and do things I could have never done if I were in control. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places. I am beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful companion, Jesus Christ. And when I am not sure I can do it any more He smiles and says, "Just Pedal!"
Our Daily Bread today reminds us of the age old strategy of Satan which is still at work today, rather successfully at times; setting himself against everything God is and says. "(The) problem is that we, like Adam and Eve, believe Satan’s lies. And when we do, our loyalty (and faith) to God is compromised. Then our enemy slithers off to his next assignment, leaving us alone to face our regrets and the realization that his lies have seduced us away from our truest and dearest Friend. Who have you been listening to lately?". What are some lies you are falling prey to recently?
Was in chapel today and heard about the Parable of the Pencil.
I adapted it and hope the below will bless you as it has blessed me:
The Parable of the Pencil
The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting it into the box.
"There are 7 things you need to know..." he told the pencil, "...before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."
"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."
"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."
"Three: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."
"Four: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."
"Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."
"Six: Use your ability to erase appropriately, help others to correct mistakes and not to run them down and negate their mark."
"And finally Seven: You need to work alongside other pencils to see beautiful things achieved. There are times when a darker shade of pencil needs to be used and there are times when a lighter shade is essential."
The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart. Now, replace the pencil with YOU. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
John 15:4 (NIV, 1984) "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various challenges in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
James 1:2,3,4 (NIV, 1984) "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Three: The most important part of you will always be what's inside. For some of us, we operate out of broken lead inside and no matter how much we sharpen, the tip will always come out broken and break. If you inside is broken, it's time for you to receive God's lead.
1 Samuel 16:7b (NIV, 1984) "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
Luke 6: 45 (NIV, 1984) "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
Ezekiel 26:36 (NIV, 1984) "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
Four: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
The bible is full of imperfect people who makes mistakes. The difference is that they did not let them stop them from growing: David, Peter, Moses, Abraham and the list goes on.
Five: On every surface you walk, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to serve God in everything.
Romans 12:11 (NIV, 1984) "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord."
Six: Use your ability to erase appropriately, help others to correct mistakes and not to run them down and negate their mark.
2 Peter 3:9 (NIV, 1984) "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."
2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV, 1984) "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
2 Timothy 2: 25-26 (NIV, 1984) "Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
And finally Seven: You need to work alongside other pencils to see beautiful things achieved. There are times when a darker shade of pencil needs to be used and there are times when a lighter shade is essential.
Romans 12:4-8 (NIV, 1984) "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
By understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart and a relationship with God daily.
Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish. You can have a life with a meaningful purpose and a wonderful relationship with God everyday.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV,1984) "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 1:4-5a (NIV, 1984) "The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;"
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV, 1984) "For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil, it has no point.
“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live. I will make an everlasting covenant with you, my faithful love promised to David. -Isaiah 55:1-3 (NIV).
It's interesting when I read this this morning and realized the word "buy". Went to search dictionary.com and to buy would also mean to acquire by way of exchange. Webster states to buy is "to obtain in exchange for something often at a sacrifice"
"What are we exchanging our lives, effort, time, resources for?" I feel God reminding us to buy from him, and that He gives not as the world gives (conditional and with money) but He gives so we can acquire life (see v1). He is a faithful God of covenant. "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." -John 10:10b (NIV). And yes, the buying do involve sacrifice, or shall I say--setting priorities. David said that he will not sacrifice a burnt offering that costs him nothing. - 1 Chronicles 21:24 (NIV).
What are you "buying"? Are you seeking and acquiring security, joy and peace from things, obsession/addictions, people, jobs or other things other than God? We need to buy from the right source.
I remember struggling with prayer in the past when God brought me back to Him years ago. I always remember freezing whenever I was asked to pray because I am not sure about being able to spew out nice sounding "holy" words that could last me beyond just a few seconds. But then God reminded me about prayer in Matthew 6 where He highlighted some things that He does NOT look for in a prayer:
Pray to be seen by others so that one will be seen as righteous (v5)
Praying long meaningless prayers so others can hear them and be seen as righteous (v7)
It was a matter of the heart when it comes to prayer. And the bible warns "do not be like them". From then on, it corrected my perspective of prayer. Just as we sing to an audience of One when we have praise and worship, so do we pray to the audience of One, when we pray.
As I did my quiet time this morning, I am reminded about prayer again.
The Necessary Prayer that Speaks Volume
Matt 6 teaches us about prayer. Twice in Matt 6, the word of God reminds us that God knows what we need (v8, 32). But even though so, the bible goes on to teach us about prayer; a prayer that, when spoken from the right heart, speaks volume. Jesus says "This, then, is how you should pray":
"Our Father in heaven,hallowed be your name" (v9) speaks and reminds us of respect and honor for a great and Almighty God in our lives.
"Your kingdom come,your will be done,on earth as it is in heaven" (v10) speaks of submission and surrender of our lives to God, that His will be done.
"Give us today our daily bread" (v11) speaks of supplication to the Lord because He knows what we need and provides.
"And forgive us our debts,as we also have forgiven our debtors" (v12) speaks not only of asking God for forgiveness for the times we grieved Him but also the commitment to forgive others as the Lord forgives us.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" (v13) speaks of the need to be guided by the Lord in our lives.
The Litmus Test
Where are you in your prayer life today?
Do you come to the Almighty God with your prayers?
Do you trust God enough to come back to Him to commit it and lift it up to Him to handle; a God "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Eph 3:20a)
Do you come with the right heart?
"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land".(2 Chronicles 7:14)
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matt 6:33).
Hi everyone, in my recent QT, God has been showing me much about devotion and worship. As I pondered on it and after our cell discussion last week, found this video quite nicely helped me to understand about it. So simple but yet, sometimes I can miss it:
Hi everyone, someone shared this devotion during chapel and thought of sharing it. Rather meaningful. Especially how we are all on the same boat and travelling towards the direction where God wants us to go...
Hi everyone, as we talked about miracles the last week, one important character that we see in Jesus is that of obedience and faith, even as He broke the bread to serve the five thousand (Mark 6: 30-44).
"A blessed life is one where you can see the wonders of God working in and through your life, no matter the circumstances; good or bad, and where you are assured that He is with you always."
I was doing my Quiet Time this morning and read from Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Then, at Chapel today, someone shared about about how God gave her peace during a time when both of her only children were down with Meningitis, one after another. The doctors gave a bad prognosis and that she will have to live with her children having brain damage. But through it all, she felt God's peace having seen and treasured up how God has worked in her life thus far. She got a prompting from God and was adamantly convinced that her children would be discharged out of hospital in 2 days. This, despite the nurse telling her she might be in hospital with them for the next 2 weeks and despite how the fever, instead of going down, went higher the next day morning. The miracle of it was that by afternoon, they were well and as God has promised, the children were discharged that very Friday, 2 days later. Hallelujah!
But a poignant question was asked: "What is Peace?"
The story was told how there was once a king who was troubled by the same question. Hence he arranged a contest and called forth the best artists in his land. When they gathered, he said to them “I want you to draw a painting that depicts peace”.
Many considered this as an easy task and immediately started painting. And when they finished, the king was called to inspect the paintings and pick the best among them.
The king inspected the first painting. It was of a lovely garden of flowers of different types and colors. Above the flowers was the blue sky lit by peaceful sunshine. Butterflies and birds went about joyfully in the painting. The artist who drew this said to the king “This is Peace”. The king was not satisfied and so he moved to inspect the next painting.
The next painting depicted people of different walks of life shaking hands and laughing merrily. The king was not satisfied. He moved on.
He came across many paintings but kept moving on until he came to a painting which was different from the other paintings.
In this painting there was great turbulence in the sea; waves were forcefully splashing on the banks and crashing into the rock walls of the cliffs by the shore. The sky was ominous, the lightning was cutting across the sky. But where's the peace? The king looked carefully and finally understood it all. In the midst of all this turmoil, there was a little boat in the midst of the ocean and far beyond it, one can see a little sunshine peeking out from a gap in the cloudy skies, shining on the boat and giving the boat enough light to move forward. The king paused at this drawing and he seemed satisfied.
Now, even though my colleague said that many have heard this story, this is the first time I hear this story and it did blessed me; a good reminder about God's peace.
My colleague went on to share that peace is not the absence of a storm but hope, peace and assurance that through it all, God is with us. He is our refuge and He will bring us through it all.
Many think that the Christian faith is about a life that is smooth-flowing. Yet we are not promised a life without storms. In fact we know that there is always the presence of evil in the world. But God has come to bring us peace in ourselves, with each other and with Him. We can overcome "because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27.
Only in Christ, can we have "Peace in the Midst of the Storm."
Even as I pondered and reflected on this, I felt prompted to pen this down and I hope it will bless you as it did bless me... Do you have the peace of God in your heart? If not, it is not too late to draw back to God. Or have you forgot about the peace of God in your life? He is shining His light on you and calling you to come into His refuge.
The time has come again when we are reminded of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and what He did for us.
And as I ponder on the reason for the season, I would never fail to remember a meaningful story I once read, I am the Cross, about the pain that Jesus bore for me.
This year, at staff chapel earlier, I am again reminded of the pain that Jesus bear, but this time, not only on the cross but when the pain starts being unbearable at the Garden of Gethsemane.
Matthew 26
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners.46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”
Someone was sharing in chapel from an article written by Max Lucado, The Passion, the Pain and the Promise, and I have come to realise how how Jesus loved us and how the battle for our lives between God and Satan was won, not on Calvary, but at the Garden itself, when Jesus painstakingly make the decision to die on the cross even, this even though when He could have walked away.
... History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan...
... And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday. And he is afraid...
... It will be the last time he sees them (His disciples) before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away. But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer..
... It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us...
... You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you....
... “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” (John 17)...
... As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer...
... His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see...
... we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer....
... The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane...
... For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
This is the love of Christ, the love of God, for you and for me...
I like one of the songs which expresses this in its wonderful simplicity; that He is above all but He chose death and thought of us above all...
ABOVE ALL
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Chorus:
Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
One of the songs sang during cell last week captivated me and may we never lose the wonder of the cross; remembering the meaning of the cross not only on Good Friday and Easter but every day of our lives:
It’s nearly midnight when they leave the upper room and descend through the streets of the city. They pass the Lower Pool and exit the Fountain Gate and walk out of Jerusalem. The roads are lined with the fires and tents of Passover pilgrims. Most are asleep, heavied with the evening meal. Those still awake think little of the band of men walking the chalky road.
They pass through the valley and ascend the path which will take them to Gethsemane. The road is steep so they stop to rest. Somewhere within the city walls the twelfth apostle darts down a street. His feet have been washed by the man he will betray. His heart has been claimed by the Evil One he has heard. He runs to find Caiaphas.
The final encounter of the battle has begun.
As Jesus looks at the city of Jerusalem, he sees what the disciples can’t. It is here, on the outskirts of Jerusalem, that the battle will end. He sees the staging of Satan. He sees the dashing of the demons. He sees the Evil One preparing for the final encounter. The enemy looks as a spectre over the hour. Satan, the host of hatred, has seized the heart of Judas and whispered in the ear of Caiaphas. Satan, the master of death, has opened the caverns and prepared to receive the source of light.
Hell is breaking loose.
History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan.
And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday.
And he is afraid.
He turns and begins the final ascent into the garden. When he reaches the entry he stops and turns his eyes toward his circle of friends. It will be the last time he sees them before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away.
But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer. And the words he speaks are as eternal as the stars which hear them.
Imagine, for a moment, yourself in this situation. Your final hour with a son about to be sent overseas. Your last moments with your dying spouse. One last visit with your parent. What do you say? What do you do? What words do you choose?
It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us. “I pray for these men. But I am also praying for all people who will believe in me because of the teaching of these men. Father, I pray that all people who believe in me can be one . . . I pray that these people can also be one in us, so that the world will believe that you sent me.”
You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you. You need to underline in red and highlight in yellow his love: “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” That is you. As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer.
As Jesus looked into heaven, you were in his vision. As Jesus dreamed of the day when we will be where he is, he saw you there. His final prayer was about you. His final pain was for you. His final passion was you. He then turns, steps into the garden, and invites Peter, James, and John to come. He tells them his soul is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” and begins to pray. Never has he felt so alone. What must be done, only can he do. An angel can’t do it. No angel has the power to break open hell’s gates. A man can’t do it. No man has the purity to destroy sin’s claim. No force on earth can face the force of evil and win—except God. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” Jesus confesses. His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see. Jesus, the carpenter, implores. Jesus, the man, peers into the dark pit and begs, “Can’t there be another way?”
Did he know the answer before he asked the question? Did his human heart hope his heavenly father had found another way? We don’t know. But we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer.
At some moment during that midnight hour an angel of mercy comes over the weary body of the man in the garden. As he stands, the anguish is gone from his eyes. His fist will clench no more. His heart will fight no more. The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane. And the sign of conquest is Jesus at peace in the olive trees. For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
Been thinking - Who we are today is largely determined by what we give entry into our lives. God made us wonderful biological life systems with choice. So we choose: positive & negative thoughts, love & unforgiveness, friends & influences, wholesome & flawed perspectives, emotions, decisions, food, exercise etc. All our choice & consequences will largely determine who we are today…
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. " (Romans 12:2)
Are we like the Pharisees and the religious leaders then who was rebuked by Jesus? Do we deprive others of the Kingdom of God? Do we bring it to others?
Matthew 9:10-13 (NIV)
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 23: 13 (NIV)
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.
2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV) Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Thanks for all your sharing yesterday in cell as we discussed about "The Compulsion for Completion". If you are unable to join us, here's a link to the video.
I really hope that this series on relationships will really bless you as it has blessed me, as it provides us with the opportunity and platform to reflect on our own relationships, gather some insights as well as help us further enhance our relationships. The following discussion is based on Dr Les and Leslie Parrott's book "Relationships".
What's the Big Deal with Relationships?
But before we begin, really, what's the big deal with relationships? I may not know, but if you ask me, I would guess that maybe books on relationships will never "go out of fashion" simply because we all know the fact that it is so real in our lives, something that we have to deal with every single day from the moment we get out of bed (if fact, relationships can even get to us even while we are still in bed thinking).
Of course, before we go on here, for clarity's sake, it would be good to define our scope of discussion. Just like how we went about yesterday's discussion, we clarified that we would be focusing here on human-to-human relationship and not relationships of "other kind", as we jokingly mentioned, to handbags or cars etc. And the relationships we would be referring to here is not just husband-wife relationships but relationships of all form, between parent and child, between friends, between us and colleagues and our superiors etc.
But really, if we were to ask this question: "What's the big deal with relationships?", what would your response be? Your response might include some, if not all or most of the following:
A Basic Need - We need relationships because no man's an island and in our basic make-up, we have a need for love, affection, sense of belonging and dependence on others;
God Commands Us - Relationships are important because we are commanded to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39, NIV). Jesus further emphasized in John 13:34-35 (NIV) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Connection & Intimacy - We need relationships because it makes us human as we are able to connect with someone else, share our inner world and experience closeness and intimacy;
Companionship in Life - We need relationships because it makes the journey of life less lonely knowing that we journey together. As it is written in Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV):
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Continuity of this World - We need relationships because you can't imagine how we would be destroying ourselves if this world is full of hate of one another;
Complement & Completion - We need relationships because we feel that the other person would complement or even complete us;
Peace - Relationships are important because one can really be in turmoil when relationship goes foul;
Growth - We need relationships because it is through it that we can grow as we learn from others and also allow others the permission to speak into our lives, and
Learning to be Christ-like - Lastly, as I ponder about it, I seem to also realise how we need relationships because, how else can we learn to be Christ-like except through learning to relate and love God's people, even though how imperfect they may seem.
It was little wonder how during worship, I came to realise God's amazing love for us, even though we seem so unworthy, as we sang the song "Forever Reign":
You are good, You are good... When there's nothing good in me...
You are hope, You are hope...You have covered all my sin...
You are true, You are true... Even in my wandering
You are here, You are here... In Your presence I'm made whole
The Compulsion VS Desire for Completion
But even as we inspect the list of reasons why relationship may be important to us, there is one which we focused on yesterday, about the compulsion for completion.
As Trina has shared yesterday, there is nothing wrong having the desire to be complete because it is good to want to be complete. But when it becomes a compulsion, so much so we start grabbing on everything except the right source to complete us, it becomes a problem. In the video, Dr Les and Leslie Parrott mentioned if we try to build intimacy with somebody else BEFORE we have done the hard work of getting whole on our own, all our relationships will be an attempt to complete ourselves and they will fall flat. Now read that again to see if you get it.
The Compulsive Self-Talk Within
Do you know that we are talking to ourselves every single moment in our mind, making statements, asking questions and even making evaluations of ourselves and others. Psychologists, counsellors and social workers would call this "self-talk". And in this compulsion, it's kind of like saying to yourself "I'll feel more as a person when..." and you can fill this blank. And this continuation can be "... people praise me" or "I am around this person", kind of like Anne in the video.
Now, as we discussed yesterday, there is nothing wrong with e.g. wanting affirmation from our bosses for hard work done but it becomes a problem when our sense of worth, identity and significance rest solely on that. It is like our self worth will fluctuate up and down depending on our bosses' mood that day and if he would or would not praise us. There is nothing wrong from wanting to please our loved ones, but when we go all out to do that just to feel more complete/significant as a person, then it might be a sign of something that needs fixing.
This is a different issue from just being different and complementing one another e.g. how one person is more meticulous while another is creative and how they can work together. Rather it is about the compulsion in us that focuses on completion via another rather than a healthy belief on how others can complement us. In a complementing relationship, I would guess that a person's world may not crumble when the other person exits as much than in a "compulsion for completion" relationship.
I am kind of reminded once again of a struggle that I have for a long time, but to a lesser degree now. For many years, I built my life and my significance on affirmations and praises from others and this carried on for many years. But one day, God knows that it was not getting healthy for me and so came a trial where everything came crashing down within the same period. It was a painful lesson but yet, I am able to come to realisation and even in the process came back to the Lord because of it. Though I have yet to completely overcome it, with little bouts of attack now and then in my relationships, work and even ministry, I am more in tune with this kind of self-talk and know that I can build my sense of worth on someone greater and eternal, God. In recent years, I have also come to realise how God can also do His restorative work in this area, through His church, His community, the spiritual family He has given us. Yes, this community is made up of imperfect people but let's also remember that this community is also made up of people who love God and His people and who would offer of themselves and their life experiences and giftings; allowing God to work in and through them.
The A-Frame Relationship
Perhaps, an illustration would help here. I kind of like the "A-frame relationship" analogy used by Dr Parrott to illustrate this. In trying to find a good image, I kind of like the following image I found on the net which kinds of say it all:
You can hear him speak about the "A-Frame Relationship" in a video here, taken from his website.
Out of this interesting illustration, something did hit me: Your relationships can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in them.
The Compulsive Need to be Needed
And in such a relationship, as there are two sides of an "A", so there could also be 2 lies/erroneous self-talk in it. One, the lie that "I NEED this person to be COMPLETE" is already covered quite substantially here. But yet, there is also another possible lie, which I do sometimes also encounter in my line of work with some volunteer and this is the lie that "If this person needs ME, I will be COMPLETE". Again, there is nothing wrong in wanting to feel that one has significance but when it goes to the other extreme where it becomes a strong need or compulsion for completion via this lie, then again, it would not be healthy.
Reviewing our Relationships
I believe that many of us may need to review our relationships to see if we have either of these lies in them. Being in an "A-frame" relationship not only is unstable but may also, as I ponder, provide the lack of motivation for us to grow as a person since we are "completed" momentarily; there is just no impetus to address parts of us that needs addressing. I would think that we should always be on the lookout for relationships where we will not compulsively need that person but yet can be challenged to grow as a person.
Working Towards Wholeness
Each of our journeys to wholeness is unique but in the video Drs Parrott suggests 4 principles to working towards wholeness...
Heal our hurts
I would believe none of us are without hurts. Big or small hurts, we can perhaps remember someone who has hurted us in the past, either intentionally or unintentionally.
And yet, we know that we are to forgive and such reminders can be found all throughout the bible. But none can say it better than Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.".
No one says that forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness is not condoning what was done. It is going to take some time and also strength from God. As Benny Ho mentioned, forgiveness is a "willing not a feeling". I can't imagine God forgiving us based on His feelings. But no! He is willing to forgive us as we confess our sins and repent.
In the same way, I guess the first step is a willingness to forgive; to refuse to let ourselves be trapped by our hurts and release ourselves from the pain, all with the help of God. Go on, do it for yourself, if not for the person. And yes, sometimes the hurt and hate comes back to haunt us again and again, much like a video playback in our minds, sometimes even with surround sound! And that's all the more we need God to help us go through it.
I am reminded of the story of Corrie Ten Boom who lost her beloved sister in WWII after being tormented in a German concentration camp. And yet, in 1947, when she was speaking on God's forgiveness in Munich, she was presented the circumstance where she was approached by a man, who she recognised was one of the guards who mistreated her and her sister, asking for her forgiveness. You can read more in the article "How can I Forgive?". What would you do if you were presented with a "Corrie Ten Boom" moment today?
It's interesting how God showed me this valuable lesson just yesterday, before cell, when I was approached by an auditor from my funding organisation to audit me. But I found myself in a "Corrie Ten Boom" situation because this was the very person who I felt backstabbed me during my attachment many years ago. I was still concerned how I would behave towards her when she comes. Will it be awkward? Will I be phoney? But thank God, that I was able to just interact with her and talk to her naturally and it seemed mutual. Did I have the ability to do it? I think not and I only can thank God for that. But yet, I am reminded how I have other hurts, some as recent as weeks ago, which I need to deal with, even though I am not very willing.
Do you have a hurt which is holding you back from the life that God has for you? Do you have a hurt which keeps playing back and it seems so difficult to shake off? Then take this time to pray and commit it to God, because you cannot do it on your own. If not dealt with, you will continue your life with this sting holding you back in your relationships, waiting to be triggered again and again. And it will not be surprising how the same unresolved hurt will keep resurfacing and repeating itself again and again.
Remove Your Masks
I choose to believe that no one intentionally puts on a mask. Masks might be a way to make ourselves feel better as we project a self which is not our real self and try our best to keep up that pretense. And yet, this could be an attempt to again complete ourselves because we feel we need to be that self to be accepted. It might be caused by our upbringing or even past hurts where we are taught that it is a mistake to be real because we become vulnerable.
But think about it, what's the effect of this coping mechanism? I can only think how relationships in such a life can be rather shallow because effort is just sent on keeping the alternative persona(s) rather than on building deep relationships. And it is tiring. It is also very difficult to have deep relationships because people will sooner or later come to realise how your real self is just so incongruent with the projected self and may just feel disappointed, threatened and distance themselves. Even if someone comes along and wants to get to know the real you, they will eventually give up if the pretense continues. The result is often confusion, frustration with the lack of deep relationships, tiredness and even possible bitterness with how things always turn out.
Sit in the Driver's Seat
The next thing Drs Parrott suggest is to take the driver's seat. It's easy to be passive and to move through life forever reacting to circumstances. But, if we are to want to turn things around, we need to be proactive and start doing something about it ourselves, even to seek out help e.g. with a pastor, with healing and wholeness, share with our PAP (Prayer & Accountability Partners) and allowing them to speak into our lives without being too defensive, recognising that it is shared in good faith to help us grow. Sitting down to watch a film, reading a book, attending a seminar, listening to a sermon and seeing a therapist are good, but it is not going to help until we do the hard work of being whole.
Rely on God
But ultimately, rely on God because only God can meet our ultimate needs, not anyone else. No one can ever fill all our needs except for God. I do feel it's good here to qualify that needs are different from wants, or so we learnt in foundational social work studies in university. Many things which we feel are our needs are actually our wants; we won't die if we do not have it. But yet, there are things which we need and God, who created us, knows us and what we need. I like something written in the leader's guide for this session: "Only God can ultimately and consistently love us when we are moody, when we make mistakes, and when we feel rejected and unloved by the person we counted on the most".
And here is Dr Leslie Parrott with "one lesson to transform every relationships":
My prayer for you, as I prepared for the session yesterday is this, uttered by Paul in Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV) "(so that) Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "
I pray that (i) not only will Christ dwell in you, (ii) that you will come to realise how wide, long and high and deep He loves you, (iii) that you have power as you are together with God's people and (iv) be filled with all the FULLNESS of God. Only when you realise how you are so loved by God that you will have this profound sense of significance. Only God can complete you and give you to power to be filled to His completion. So where are you looking for completion?
I sincerely pray that may what has been written be not of just human wisdom, but that it will go forth in God's power to change your life and many others as He inspires me to write this. Take care and God bless you!
I know God knows what's best.
I know I don't.
I know he cares.
Such words come easily when the water is calm. But when you're looking at a wrecked car or a suspicious-looking mole, when war breaks out or thieves break in, do you trust him?
Scripture, from Old Testament to New, from prophets to poets to preachers, renders one unanimous chorus: God directs the affairs of humanity. No leaf falls without God's knowledge. No dolphin gives birth without his permission. No wave crashes on the shore apart from his calculation. God has never been surprised. Not once.
I am the one who creates the light and makes the darkness. I am the one who sends good times and bad times. I, the Lord, am the one who does these things. (Isa. 45:7)
Some find the thought impossible to accept. One dear woman did. After I shared these ideas in a public setting, she asked to speak with me. Husband at her side, she related the story of her horrible childhood. First abused, then abandoned by her father. Unimaginable and undeserved hurts scar her early memories. Through tear-filled eyes she asked, "Do you mean to tell me God was watching the whole time?"
The question vibrated in the room. I shifted in my chair and answered, "Yes, he was. I don't know why he allowed your abuse, but I do know this. He loves you and hurts with you." She didn't like the answer. But dare we say anything else? Dare we suggest that God dozed off? Abandoned his post? That heaven sees but can't act? That our Father is kind but not strong, or strong but doesn't care?
I wish she could have spoken to Joseph. His brothers abused him, selling him into slavery. Was God watching? Yes. And our sovereign God used their rebellious hearts to save a nation from famine and the family of the Messiah from extinction. As Joseph told them, "God turned into good what you meant for evil" (Gen. 50:20).
Best of all would have been a conversation with Jesus himself. He begged God for a different itinerary: a crossless death. From Gethsemane's garden Christ pleaded for a Plan B. Redemption with no nails. " 'Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.' Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him" (Luke 22:42-43).
Did God hear the prayer of his Son? Enough to send an angel. Did God spare his Son from death? No. The glory of God outranked the comfort of Christ. So Christ suffered, and God's grace was displayed and deployed.
Are you called to endure a Gethsemane season? Have you "been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake" (Phil. 1:29 NASB)?
If so, then come thirsty and drink deeply from his lordship. He authors all itineraries. He knows what is best. No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission. What encouragement this brings! You are never the victim of nature or the prey of fate. Chance is eliminated. You are more than a weather vane whipped about by the winds of fortune. Would God truly abandon you to the whims of drug-crazed thieves, greedy corporate raiders, or evil leaders? Perish the thought!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God.
(Isa. 43:2-3 NASB)
We live beneath the protective palm of a sovereign King who superintends every circumstance of our lives and delights in doing us good.
Nothing comes your way that has not first passed through the filter of his love.
Learn well the song of sovereignty: I know God knows what's best.Pray humbly the prayer of trust: "I trust your lordship. I belong to you. Nothing comes to me that hasn't passed through you."
A word of caution: the doctrine of sovereignty challenges us. Study it gradually. Don't share it capriciously. When someone you love faces adversity, don't insensitively declare, "God is in control." A cavalier tone can eclipse the right truth. Be careful.
And be encouraged. God's ways are always right. They may not make sense to us. They may be mysterious, inexplicable, difficult, and even painful. But they are right. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Rom. 8:28).
In the 4 weeks while the EA Pulpit series touches on Family and Marriage, ONELife will be having 2 weeks of discussions on building a healthy self for lasting relationships in their cell meetings. It will be a DVD cum discussion approach.
Week of Feb 7-11 – “The Compulsion for Completion”
All of us have a tendency to shortcut to personal wholeness by looking to others to complete us. We think “If I find the right person, my life will be complete”. This discussion will look at what it means to develop personal wholeness
Week of Feb 14-18 – “Keeping Family ties from Pulling Strings’
Our biological families influenced the way we relate to others. How much do we bring them into our relationships? What should we change and what should we keep?
If you are a Young working adult in your 20s and early 30s and are not currently in any cell, you are welcome to visit one of the ONELife cells for this discussion series. Please go to the Cell Connection Counter today and sign up and one of the ONELife leader will get in touch with you.
And also a reminder that Relationship Conference “The Right Combination” is on Feb 26, 9am – 2pm. You can register online at http://elife.riverlife.org.sg/weblink/therightcombination/intro.htm or sign up at the Conference booth in the atrium.
"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer."
Psalm 4:1 (NIV)
Devotion: "Ughhh!" I sighed as the telephone rang that morning...again. My frustration mounted as I replayed my morning's activities thus far in my mind.
I'd already answered a phone call from church, one from my son's teacher and yet another one from my other son's coach. I'd chatted with my hairdresser and made an appointment with the dentist, among about a half-dozen more connections that had to be made by phone. And it wasn't even noon yet!
My mind pondered as my heart began to race. "When am I ever going to get to the bottom of my never-ending "to do" list?"
I glanced at my caller ID to see who it was this time. The number flashing on my phone was a familiar one; that of my father. He is a retiree who has a great love for his grandkids and lots of time on his hands. I reasoned, since his schedule isn't nearly as full as mine, that I could call him back later at a time more convenient for me. So I ignored his call and turned my attention to my list.
On it were many tasks; some noble, some mundane. Normal errands such as "Pick up bread and milk" "Return library books" or "Fill car up with gas." But there were important items too like call a relative who was struggling with depression and ask the neighbor next door, who'd just had surgery, if he'd like our family to mow his lawn. There were even kingdom-building, ministry activities; finish my Bible study lesson and pray for a friend's operation taking place later that day.
Yes, my day was full; full of people and purpose. Why then did I feel so empty?
My thoughts returned to the call from my father. How many times had I ignored his calls, reasoning that, since his life as a retiree wasn't packed with activity, I could easily chat with him at a later time? But the reality of my hectic schedule, along with other relationship commitments, often meant that connecting with my father took a nearly permanent place on the back burner of life.
He was waiting; I was ignoring. I refused to return his call. And our relationship was at risk of suffering because of it.
It isn't just earthy fathers that sometimes get ignored. How many times have we "ignored" our Heavenly Father because of our screaming schedule and earthly relationship demands? Even though our lives may be full of good and "God" things—duties at church, connections with people—oft times we are so busy serving God and loving it, that we don't make time to actually love the God that we serve.
Today's key verse paints a picture of our loving God who is never too busy to answer us when we call. And He not only hears and answers, He gives us relief from our distress—even the too-busy-for-my-own-good kind of distress. The problem in our connection lies with us. He is calling. We ignore. And then, we don't bother returning His call.
Thankfully, God never gets tired of hitting or answering a "redial." He is waiting and longing, as He always has been, to have a deep, intimate relationship connection with us; one that requires we make one simple switch: We put Him at the top of our "to do" and our "must call" lists.
He is willing to answer, if only we will call.
Dear Lord, forgive me for ignoring Your calls to come and connect with You, free from any distractions. I'm ready now. Speak. I'm listening. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?
For more on this topic and a Jesus Calling basket giveaway, visit Karen's blog Living Life on Purpose by Lysa TerKeurst Rest Assured: Devotions for Souls in a Restless World by Nancy McGuirk
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Application Steps: When it comes to carving out time to spend with God, do you:
a. Consistently make it a high priority
b. Have great intentions of doing it but often get sidetracked by life
c. Fit it in when you feel like it or happen to "find time"
d. Don't really have any plan for connecting one-on-one with God
Take action this week to get God off the back burner and into the forefront of your life.
Reflections: Have I ever scheduled an "appointment with God," just as I would with a business contact, doctor, or friend? How could that help me in my quest to grow in relationship Him?
Power Verses: Psalm 91:14-16: "The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.'" (NLT)
