Reflection: I saw a youth walking around with two sticks in his hands.
Though they look like chopsticks, I knew they are drum sticks. But had I
not known about drums, it would have puzzled me why he is walking
around with chopsticks.
And I started to come to appreciate how
God loves you and me. Do you know that He loves you, and you have been
blessed to be able to know Him and now understand His love in your life?
"For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of
darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge
of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ". (2 Cor 4:6 NKJV)
It
is God who chose you and me and gave us revelation of who He is. And
after He shoned this light, and we responded in faith, we are no longer
blinded. We no longer need see drum sticks as chopsticks, which is
indeed puzzling to see someone walking around with. God revealed Himself
to us.
"At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human
point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone
who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a
new life has begun!" (2 Cor 5:16, 17 NLT).
The question now is
that: with God revealing Himself so plainly to us, what is your response
to Him through your life, if indeed you believe in Him? Are you indeed
living that new life God gave you?
In Matt 11:12-26, we catch a
glimpse of what kind of life pleases the Lord and what kind displeases
Him. A life of unfruitfulness, of defiling His sacred temple (our
bodies) displeases Him greatly, while a life of faith and of
forgiveness, which He spoke of, pleases Him.
What is your response through your life?
Our reactions is and must be congruent with our revelation.
Life Checkpoint: Do you have in your life some unresolved issues where
someone has wronged you and you feel great distress whenever you think
of him/her? Do you think "how dare him/her after all I have done? I
don't deserve this!" if so, I sensed from my quiet time to share this
with you.
Recently in my healing and wholeness, I have also come
to realise I have unresolved hurts that held on to and literally
controlled my life. But that has been dealt with. Yesterday, was just
chatting with someone on what it means to forgive and forget. And as I
read from 1 Sam 24 & 25, I sense God teaching me on it. In 1 Sam 24,
we see how David (who was pursued by King Saul for his life, though for
no wrongdoing of David's) had an opportunity to kill Saul but yet he
did not. But yet in the next chapter, he encountered Nabal who was
insolent to him when he asked for food for his people and he refused,
mocking him saying that he (Nabal) does not know who David is. This
after all the kindness that David has shown to Nabal's shepherds. Unlike
in the previous chapter, David got angry and arose with his men to want
to kill him, only to be stopped by Nabal's wife who stopped him midway
and reasoned with him. To which David, finally realising it, said that
her advice is good and stop him from needless bloodshed and taking
vengeance in his own hands (1 Sam 25:33).
And we read on that
Nabal was struck dead by the Lord ten days later and King Saul was dead
some time after. God has indicated 3 times in the bible, both old and
new testament that vengeance is His.
Beloved, do not avenge
yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written,
“Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (Rom 12:19 NKJV)
Why
does the Lord requires that we leave vengeance to Him? I could only
think its because God does not want us to even entertain evil in our
lives and have our lives wrecked by it.
In the words of King
David, ‘Wickedness proceeds from the wicked.’ (1 Sam 24:13a NKJV). When
we hold on to unresolved bitterness, we allow wickedness and evil into
our lives.
In the word of Nabal's wife, "don’t let this be a
blemish on your record. Then your conscience won’t have to bear the
staggering burden of needless bloodshed and vengeance" (1 Sam 25:31a)
God
sees the heart and is more concerned of your heart, not wanting it to
unnecessarily be filled with malice, hatred, bitterness, which is not of
Him and which wrecks your life. If you do have these unresolved issues,
think about how it's eating you and your life up. When we let go and
let God, we are trusting in His good time things will work for good for
you who follow His way. God will deal with it. Not letting go to God is
not trusting God and wanting to run your own life. His purposes for you
are always good.
And we know that all things work together for
good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His
purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV)
God is not asking you to let go of your bitterness but to let go to Him and let God take over so you can be pure. He judges.
To all dads and future dads, you have an anointed role in the life of your children to NOT mess up their lives.
Also, our Heavenly Father does not want to see us mess up our lives...
We will all see Him face to face and that is where we will be judged.
11 Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat on it, from whose
face the earth and the heaven fled away. And there was found no place
for them. 12 And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before
God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the
Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the
things which were written in the books. 13 The sea gave up the dead who
were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them.
And they were judged, each one according to his works. 14 Then Death
and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death.
15 And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the
lake of fire. (Revelations: 20: 11-15, NKJV)
He is the good Judge. Think His judgment will be based on the weighing of our goods over bad to see if we are saved for heaven? Think again.
Felt ministered to as I read from Romans so sharing it here:
Romans 5
Like in "The Matrix", there are 2 parallel world we live in:
1.
World of darkness where sin reigns through disobedience of God which
ultimately brings us God's wrath and Death (worldly & eternal life
without God), and
2. World of light where
righteousness reigns through obedience of God which ultimately pleases
God and brings life (meaningful, purposeful and full worldly life &
eternal life with God).
But then God loves us
so much that He first gave us the Law; like glasses it helps us to see
clearly what is right and what is not. Because it is only when law is
given that it becomes clear what is lawful and what is not. One thing
leads to another; God's law clarifies where we are and starts to stirs
in us to seek the parallel world and points us to the solution: Jesus
Christ. He, who is sinless, came and stood in the gap between the 2
worlds that we might cross the border.
As Romans 5:20 states
that as law causes sin to abound, so does it in turn causes grace to
abound. Without the law we won't know we are sinful and if we do not
know we are sinful we do not know we need grace from God because, there
is nothing we can do to run away from judgment and condemnation from the
Judge.
So through believing in Jesus Christ,
we receive the "visa" to enter and also "citizenship" to be and enjoy
the privileges of God's world; the Kingdom of light where God and all
His good things are.
But Romans 6 later also
remind us that since we are now citizens of the Kingdom of light, we
cannot hold two citizenships or obtain visa to go back down.
Where
are you now? Are you in the world of darkness going around lost and
lamenting? If so, a new citizenship is offered to you.
Are
you in the Kingdom of light but take trips to the other kingdom once in
a while? If so, you are reminded that you hold but one citizenship and
should not mock it.
I remember struggling with prayer in the past when God brought me back to Him years ago. I always remember freezing whenever I was asked to pray because I am not sure about being able to spew out nice sounding "holy" words that could last me beyond just a few seconds. But then God reminded me about prayer in Matthew 6 where He highlighted some things that He does NOT look for in a prayer:
Pray to be seen by others so that one will be seen as righteous (v5)
Praying long meaningless prayers so others can hear them and be seen as righteous (v7)
It was a matter of the heart when it comes to prayer. And the bible warns "do not be like them". From then on, it corrected my perspective of prayer. Just as we sing to an audience of One when we have praise and worship, so do we pray to the audience of One, when we pray.
As I did my quiet time this morning, I am reminded about prayer again.
The Necessary Prayer that Speaks Volume
Matt 6 teaches us about prayer. Twice in Matt 6, the word of God reminds us that God knows what we need (v8, 32). But even though so, the bible goes on to teach us about prayer; a prayer that, when spoken from the right heart, speaks volume. Jesus says "This, then, is how you should pray":
"Our Father in heaven,hallowed be your name" (v9) speaks and reminds us of respect and honor for a great and Almighty God in our lives.
"Your kingdom come,your will be done,on earth as it is in heaven" (v10) speaks of submission and surrender of our lives to God, that His will be done.
"Give us today our daily bread" (v11) speaks of supplication to the Lord because He knows what we need and provides.
"And forgive us our debts,as we also have forgiven our debtors" (v12) speaks not only of asking God for forgiveness for the times we grieved Him but also the commitment to forgive others as the Lord forgives us.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" (v13) speaks of the need to be guided by the Lord in our lives.
The Litmus Test
Where are you in your prayer life today?
Do you come to the Almighty God with your prayers?
Do you trust God enough to come back to Him to commit it and lift it up to Him to handle; a God "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Eph 3:20a)
Do you come with the right heart?
"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land".(2 Chronicles 7:14)
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matt 6:33).
The time has come again when we are reminded of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and what He did for us.
And as I ponder on the reason for the season, I would never fail to remember a meaningful story I once read, I am the Cross, about the pain that Jesus bore for me.
This year, at staff chapel earlier, I am again reminded of the pain that Jesus bear, but this time, not only on the cross but when the pain starts being unbearable at the Garden of Gethsemane.
Matthew 26
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners.46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”
Someone was sharing in chapel from an article written by Max Lucado, The Passion, the Pain and the Promise, and I have come to realise how how Jesus loved us and how the battle for our lives between God and Satan was won, not on Calvary, but at the Garden itself, when Jesus painstakingly make the decision to die on the cross even, this even though when He could have walked away.
... History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan...
... And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday. And he is afraid...
... It will be the last time he sees them (His disciples) before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away. But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer..
... It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us...
... You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you....
... “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” (John 17)...
... As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer...
... His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see...
... we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer....
... The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane...
... For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
This is the love of Christ, the love of God, for you and for me...
I like one of the songs which expresses this in its wonderful simplicity; that He is above all but He chose death and thought of us above all...
ABOVE ALL
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Chorus:
Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
One of the songs sang during cell last week captivated me and may we never lose the wonder of the cross; remembering the meaning of the cross not only on Good Friday and Easter but every day of our lives:
It’s nearly midnight when they leave the upper room and descend through the streets of the city. They pass the Lower Pool and exit the Fountain Gate and walk out of Jerusalem. The roads are lined with the fires and tents of Passover pilgrims. Most are asleep, heavied with the evening meal. Those still awake think little of the band of men walking the chalky road.
They pass through the valley and ascend the path which will take them to Gethsemane. The road is steep so they stop to rest. Somewhere within the city walls the twelfth apostle darts down a street. His feet have been washed by the man he will betray. His heart has been claimed by the Evil One he has heard. He runs to find Caiaphas.
The final encounter of the battle has begun.
As Jesus looks at the city of Jerusalem, he sees what the disciples can’t. It is here, on the outskirts of Jerusalem, that the battle will end. He sees the staging of Satan. He sees the dashing of the demons. He sees the Evil One preparing for the final encounter. The enemy looks as a spectre over the hour. Satan, the host of hatred, has seized the heart of Judas and whispered in the ear of Caiaphas. Satan, the master of death, has opened the caverns and prepared to receive the source of light.
Hell is breaking loose.
History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan.
And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday.
And he is afraid.
He turns and begins the final ascent into the garden. When he reaches the entry he stops and turns his eyes toward his circle of friends. It will be the last time he sees them before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away.
But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer. And the words he speaks are as eternal as the stars which hear them.
Imagine, for a moment, yourself in this situation. Your final hour with a son about to be sent overseas. Your last moments with your dying spouse. One last visit with your parent. What do you say? What do you do? What words do you choose?
It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us. “I pray for these men. But I am also praying for all people who will believe in me because of the teaching of these men. Father, I pray that all people who believe in me can be one . . . I pray that these people can also be one in us, so that the world will believe that you sent me.”
You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you. You need to underline in red and highlight in yellow his love: “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” That is you. As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer.
As Jesus looked into heaven, you were in his vision. As Jesus dreamed of the day when we will be where he is, he saw you there. His final prayer was about you. His final pain was for you. His final passion was you. He then turns, steps into the garden, and invites Peter, James, and John to come. He tells them his soul is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” and begins to pray. Never has he felt so alone. What must be done, only can he do. An angel can’t do it. No angel has the power to break open hell’s gates. A man can’t do it. No man has the purity to destroy sin’s claim. No force on earth can face the force of evil and win—except God. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” Jesus confesses. His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see. Jesus, the carpenter, implores. Jesus, the man, peers into the dark pit and begs, “Can’t there be another way?”
Did he know the answer before he asked the question? Did his human heart hope his heavenly father had found another way? We don’t know. But we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer.
At some moment during that midnight hour an angel of mercy comes over the weary body of the man in the garden. As he stands, the anguish is gone from his eyes. His fist will clench no more. His heart will fight no more. The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane. And the sign of conquest is Jesus at peace in the olive trees. For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
Been thinking - Who we are today is largely determined by what we give entry into our lives. God made us wonderful biological life systems with choice. So we choose: positive & negative thoughts, love & unforgiveness, friends & influences, wholesome & flawed perspectives, emotions, decisions, food, exercise etc. All our choice & consequences will largely determine who we are today…
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. " (Romans 12:2)
Thanks for all your sharing yesterday in cell as we discussed about "The Compulsion for Completion". If you are unable to join us, here's a link to the video.
I really hope that this series on relationships will really bless you as it has blessed me, as it provides us with the opportunity and platform to reflect on our own relationships, gather some insights as well as help us further enhance our relationships. The following discussion is based on Dr Les and Leslie Parrott's book "Relationships".
What's the Big Deal with Relationships?
But before we begin, really, what's the big deal with relationships? I may not know, but if you ask me, I would guess that maybe books on relationships will never "go out of fashion" simply because we all know the fact that it is so real in our lives, something that we have to deal with every single day from the moment we get out of bed (if fact, relationships can even get to us even while we are still in bed thinking).
Of course, before we go on here, for clarity's sake, it would be good to define our scope of discussion. Just like how we went about yesterday's discussion, we clarified that we would be focusing here on human-to-human relationship and not relationships of "other kind", as we jokingly mentioned, to handbags or cars etc. And the relationships we would be referring to here is not just husband-wife relationships but relationships of all form, between parent and child, between friends, between us and colleagues and our superiors etc.
But really, if we were to ask this question: "What's the big deal with relationships?", what would your response be? Your response might include some, if not all or most of the following:
A Basic Need - We need relationships because no man's an island and in our basic make-up, we have a need for love, affection, sense of belonging and dependence on others;
God Commands Us - Relationships are important because we are commanded to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39, NIV). Jesus further emphasized in John 13:34-35 (NIV) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Connection & Intimacy - We need relationships because it makes us human as we are able to connect with someone else, share our inner world and experience closeness and intimacy;
Companionship in Life - We need relationships because it makes the journey of life less lonely knowing that we journey together. As it is written in Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV):
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Continuity of this World - We need relationships because you can't imagine how we would be destroying ourselves if this world is full of hate of one another;
Complement & Completion - We need relationships because we feel that the other person would complement or even complete us;
Peace - Relationships are important because one can really be in turmoil when relationship goes foul;
Growth - We need relationships because it is through it that we can grow as we learn from others and also allow others the permission to speak into our lives, and
Learning to be Christ-like - Lastly, as I ponder about it, I seem to also realise how we need relationships because, how else can we learn to be Christ-like except through learning to relate and love God's people, even though how imperfect they may seem.
It was little wonder how during worship, I came to realise God's amazing love for us, even though we seem so unworthy, as we sang the song "Forever Reign":
You are good, You are good... When there's nothing good in me...
You are hope, You are hope...You have covered all my sin...
You are true, You are true... Even in my wandering
You are here, You are here... In Your presence I'm made whole
The Compulsion VS Desire for Completion
But even as we inspect the list of reasons why relationship may be important to us, there is one which we focused on yesterday, about the compulsion for completion.
As Trina has shared yesterday, there is nothing wrong having the desire to be complete because it is good to want to be complete. But when it becomes a compulsion, so much so we start grabbing on everything except the right source to complete us, it becomes a problem. In the video, Dr Les and Leslie Parrott mentioned if we try to build intimacy with somebody else BEFORE we have done the hard work of getting whole on our own, all our relationships will be an attempt to complete ourselves and they will fall flat. Now read that again to see if you get it.
The Compulsive Self-Talk Within
Do you know that we are talking to ourselves every single moment in our mind, making statements, asking questions and even making evaluations of ourselves and others. Psychologists, counsellors and social workers would call this "self-talk". And in this compulsion, it's kind of like saying to yourself "I'll feel more as a person when..." and you can fill this blank. And this continuation can be "... people praise me" or "I am around this person", kind of like Anne in the video.
Now, as we discussed yesterday, there is nothing wrong with e.g. wanting affirmation from our bosses for hard work done but it becomes a problem when our sense of worth, identity and significance rest solely on that. It is like our self worth will fluctuate up and down depending on our bosses' mood that day and if he would or would not praise us. There is nothing wrong from wanting to please our loved ones, but when we go all out to do that just to feel more complete/significant as a person, then it might be a sign of something that needs fixing.
This is a different issue from just being different and complementing one another e.g. how one person is more meticulous while another is creative and how they can work together. Rather it is about the compulsion in us that focuses on completion via another rather than a healthy belief on how others can complement us. In a complementing relationship, I would guess that a person's world may not crumble when the other person exits as much than in a "compulsion for completion" relationship.
I am kind of reminded once again of a struggle that I have for a long time, but to a lesser degree now. For many years, I built my life and my significance on affirmations and praises from others and this carried on for many years. But one day, God knows that it was not getting healthy for me and so came a trial where everything came crashing down within the same period. It was a painful lesson but yet, I am able to come to realisation and even in the process came back to the Lord because of it. Though I have yet to completely overcome it, with little bouts of attack now and then in my relationships, work and even ministry, I am more in tune with this kind of self-talk and know that I can build my sense of worth on someone greater and eternal, God. In recent years, I have also come to realise how God can also do His restorative work in this area, through His church, His community, the spiritual family He has given us. Yes, this community is made up of imperfect people but let's also remember that this community is also made up of people who love God and His people and who would offer of themselves and their life experiences and giftings; allowing God to work in and through them.
The A-Frame Relationship
Perhaps, an illustration would help here. I kind of like the "A-frame relationship" analogy used by Dr Parrott to illustrate this. In trying to find a good image, I kind of like the following image I found on the net which kinds of say it all:
You can hear him speak about the "A-Frame Relationship" in a video here, taken from his website.
Out of this interesting illustration, something did hit me: Your relationships can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in them.
The Compulsive Need to be Needed
And in such a relationship, as there are two sides of an "A", so there could also be 2 lies/erroneous self-talk in it. One, the lie that "I NEED this person to be COMPLETE" is already covered quite substantially here. But yet, there is also another possible lie, which I do sometimes also encounter in my line of work with some volunteer and this is the lie that "If this person needs ME, I will be COMPLETE". Again, there is nothing wrong in wanting to feel that one has significance but when it goes to the other extreme where it becomes a strong need or compulsion for completion via this lie, then again, it would not be healthy.
Reviewing our Relationships
I believe that many of us may need to review our relationships to see if we have either of these lies in them. Being in an "A-frame" relationship not only is unstable but may also, as I ponder, provide the lack of motivation for us to grow as a person since we are "completed" momentarily; there is just no impetus to address parts of us that needs addressing. I would think that we should always be on the lookout for relationships where we will not compulsively need that person but yet can be challenged to grow as a person.
Working Towards Wholeness
Each of our journeys to wholeness is unique but in the video Drs Parrott suggests 4 principles to working towards wholeness...
Heal our hurts
I would believe none of us are without hurts. Big or small hurts, we can perhaps remember someone who has hurted us in the past, either intentionally or unintentionally.
And yet, we know that we are to forgive and such reminders can be found all throughout the bible. But none can say it better than Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.".
No one says that forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness is not condoning what was done. It is going to take some time and also strength from God. As Benny Ho mentioned, forgiveness is a "willing not a feeling". I can't imagine God forgiving us based on His feelings. But no! He is willing to forgive us as we confess our sins and repent.
In the same way, I guess the first step is a willingness to forgive; to refuse to let ourselves be trapped by our hurts and release ourselves from the pain, all with the help of God. Go on, do it for yourself, if not for the person. And yes, sometimes the hurt and hate comes back to haunt us again and again, much like a video playback in our minds, sometimes even with surround sound! And that's all the more we need God to help us go through it.
I am reminded of the story of Corrie Ten Boom who lost her beloved sister in WWII after being tormented in a German concentration camp. And yet, in 1947, when she was speaking on God's forgiveness in Munich, she was presented the circumstance where she was approached by a man, who she recognised was one of the guards who mistreated her and her sister, asking for her forgiveness. You can read more in the article "How can I Forgive?". What would you do if you were presented with a "Corrie Ten Boom" moment today?
It's interesting how God showed me this valuable lesson just yesterday, before cell, when I was approached by an auditor from my funding organisation to audit me. But I found myself in a "Corrie Ten Boom" situation because this was the very person who I felt backstabbed me during my attachment many years ago. I was still concerned how I would behave towards her when she comes. Will it be awkward? Will I be phoney? But thank God, that I was able to just interact with her and talk to her naturally and it seemed mutual. Did I have the ability to do it? I think not and I only can thank God for that. But yet, I am reminded how I have other hurts, some as recent as weeks ago, which I need to deal with, even though I am not very willing.
Do you have a hurt which is holding you back from the life that God has for you? Do you have a hurt which keeps playing back and it seems so difficult to shake off? Then take this time to pray and commit it to God, because you cannot do it on your own. If not dealt with, you will continue your life with this sting holding you back in your relationships, waiting to be triggered again and again. And it will not be surprising how the same unresolved hurt will keep resurfacing and repeating itself again and again.
Remove Your Masks
I choose to believe that no one intentionally puts on a mask. Masks might be a way to make ourselves feel better as we project a self which is not our real self and try our best to keep up that pretense. And yet, this could be an attempt to again complete ourselves because we feel we need to be that self to be accepted. It might be caused by our upbringing or even past hurts where we are taught that it is a mistake to be real because we become vulnerable.
But think about it, what's the effect of this coping mechanism? I can only think how relationships in such a life can be rather shallow because effort is just sent on keeping the alternative persona(s) rather than on building deep relationships. And it is tiring. It is also very difficult to have deep relationships because people will sooner or later come to realise how your real self is just so incongruent with the projected self and may just feel disappointed, threatened and distance themselves. Even if someone comes along and wants to get to know the real you, they will eventually give up if the pretense continues. The result is often confusion, frustration with the lack of deep relationships, tiredness and even possible bitterness with how things always turn out.
Sit in the Driver's Seat
The next thing Drs Parrott suggest is to take the driver's seat. It's easy to be passive and to move through life forever reacting to circumstances. But, if we are to want to turn things around, we need to be proactive and start doing something about it ourselves, even to seek out help e.g. with a pastor, with healing and wholeness, share with our PAP (Prayer & Accountability Partners) and allowing them to speak into our lives without being too defensive, recognising that it is shared in good faith to help us grow. Sitting down to watch a film, reading a book, attending a seminar, listening to a sermon and seeing a therapist are good, but it is not going to help until we do the hard work of being whole.
Rely on God
But ultimately, rely on God because only God can meet our ultimate needs, not anyone else. No one can ever fill all our needs except for God. I do feel it's good here to qualify that needs are different from wants, or so we learnt in foundational social work studies in university. Many things which we feel are our needs are actually our wants; we won't die if we do not have it. But yet, there are things which we need and God, who created us, knows us and what we need. I like something written in the leader's guide for this session: "Only God can ultimately and consistently love us when we are moody, when we make mistakes, and when we feel rejected and unloved by the person we counted on the most".
And here is Dr Leslie Parrott with "one lesson to transform every relationships":
My prayer for you, as I prepared for the session yesterday is this, uttered by Paul in Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV) "(so that) Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "
I pray that (i) not only will Christ dwell in you, (ii) that you will come to realise how wide, long and high and deep He loves you, (iii) that you have power as you are together with God's people and (iv) be filled with all the FULLNESS of God. Only when you realise how you are so loved by God that you will have this profound sense of significance. Only God can complete you and give you to power to be filled to His completion. So where are you looking for completion?
I sincerely pray that may what has been written be not of just human wisdom, but that it will go forth in God's power to change your life and many others as He inspires me to write this. Take care and God bless you!
I was doing my quiet time today and felt spoken to from 1 King 8 and thought of sharing what God has placed in my heart.
In 1 King 8, we read about King Solomon has completed building the temple for the Lord and is dedicating it. And we read in verses 10 and 11 that the temple begin to be filled with the glory of the Lord:
1 King 8:10-11 (NIV)
When the priests withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the LORD. And the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled his temple.
Solomon proceeds to pray what would happen in the temple of God. As I read, I sensed God speaking to me about my life because we are the temple of God now that we have the Holy Spirit residing in us.
1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV)
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
Therefore, let's see what happens to a life dedicated and consecrated to the Lord and reflect on where our lives are at this point in time.
Solomon prays that...
... there be the forgiveness of the Lord in the temple.
"Hear the supplication of your servant and of your people Israel when they pray toward this place... and when you hear, forgive." (v30)
In the temple of God, there is forgiveness of sin. Similarly, in our lives, we started off with the acknowledgment of our sins as we come before God to accept Him into our lives as Lord and Saviour. But, what other sins do you currently have that you need to deal with in the Lord. Remember that in the temple of the Lord, there is forgiveness of sins.
... there be judging by the Lord in the temple.
"When a man wrongs his neighbour and is required to take an oath and he comes and swears the oath, before your altar in this temple... Judge between your servants, condemning the guilty... declare the innocent not guilty and so establish his innocence." (v31-32)
As the Lord's presence is in the temple and judges between people, He is also in our lives and watches over the choices we make and how we walk. And we will also have times where we may have been wronged but there is trust in the Lord that He will judge between the guilt and innocent and will eventually declare and establish our innocence. Sure there will be situations where you may have been wronged but will you trust in the Lord that He is the Judge and will vindicate you in His time?
... there be restoration by the Lord, as we repent.
"When your people Israel have been defeated by an enemy because they have sinned against you, and when they turn back to you and confess your name, praying and making supplication to you in this temple, then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your people Israel and bring them back to the land you gave to their fathers." (v33-34)
We know that as we come to the Lord, we will receive restoration in our lives to how God had intended it to be, restoration from hurts, pains, bitterness and a live lived apart from God and His blessings. Are there areas where you need restoration?
... there be teaching of His ways, as we repent.
"When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain because your people have sinned against you, and when they pray toward this place and confess your name and turn from their sin because you have afflicted them, then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your servants, your people Israel. Teach them the right way to live, and send rain on the land you gave your people for an inheritance." (v35-36)
The Lord longs to teach us His ways and decrees so we can walk according to His ways and stay in His approval, blessings and favour. So, as we continue to have the glory of God in our lives, He will teach you, step by step, to grow in righteousness and to His likeness. Are you still keeping your hearts and minds open to the Lord's teaching, rebuking and correction?
... there be the fear of God.
"When famine or plague comes to the land, or blight or mildew, locusts or grasshoppers, or when an enemy besieges them in any of their cities, whatever disaster or disease may come, and when a prayer or plea is made by any of your people Israel—each one aware of the afflictions of his own heart, and spreading out his hands toward this temple- then hear from heaven, your dwelling place. Forgive and act; deal with each man according to all he does, since you know his heart (for you alone know the hearts of all men), so that they will fear you all the time they live in the land you gave our fathers." (v37-40)
A life with God's presence will also have the fear of the Lord because of who God is; the Almighty God who sees the heart of man and can do all things. Personally for me, I have seen what God can do in my life, especially when I grief Him, and so the fear of the Lord keeps me trying to always walk righteously. The day we do not have the fear of the Lord is the day we no longer stay within the boundaries of the Lord and of His love, peace, favour and blessings and we are in the danger of taking God for granted.
Proverbs 16:6 (NIV)
Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the LORD a man avoids evil.
Proverbs 14:27 )NIV)
The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.
Proverbs 19:23 (NIV)
The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.
Do you have the fear of the Lord in your life?
... that God's name be glorified.
"As for the foreigner who does not belong to your people Israel but has come from a distant land because of your name- for men will hear of your great name and your mighty hand and your outstretched arm—when he comes and prays toward this temple, then hear from heaven, your dwelling place, and do whatever the foreigner asks of you, so that all the peoples of the earth may know your name and fear you, as do your own people Israel, and may know that this house I have built bears your Name." (v41-43)
When the glory of the Lord is in the temple and in our lives, God's name will also be glorified through it because of the great things that He will do in you and through you, you will be seen as bearing His name and people will come to hear and know of God.
Do you bear the glory of God in your lives that is a living testimony to others who have yet to know Him. A living testimony, likened a living bible, who will result in others wanting to know about God?
... that there be favour.
"When your people go to war against their enemies, wherever you send them, and when they pray to the LORD toward the city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name, then hear from heaven their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause" (v44-45)
When the temple of God is filled with the glory of God, there will be favour as we walk with the Lord and He upholds our cause.
Are you experience God's favour in your life?
... there be deliverance when we come in repentence.
"When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you become angry with them and give them over to the enemy, who takes them captive to his own land, far away or near; and if they have a change of heart in the land where they are held captive, and repent and plead with you in the land of their conquerors and say, 'We have sinned, we have done wrong, we have acted wickedly'; and if they turn back to you with all their heart and soul in the land of their enemies who took them captive, and pray to you toward the land you gave their fathers, toward the city you have chosen and the temple I have built for your Name; then from heaven, your dwelling place, hear their prayer and their plea, and uphold their cause. And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their conquerors to show them mercy; for they are your people and your inheritance, whom you brought out of Egypt, out of that iron-smelting furnace." (v46-51)
When our lives are filled with the glory of God, we will receive deliverance from bondages and things that we are caught in captivity by. Do you need something which you are captive of now that you need God to deliver you from? Just as God delivered the Israelite from Egypt? God indeed has the power to "bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1), both Himself and through His servants doing His will in your life.
... there be the honour of being chosen by God.
"For you singled them out from all the nations of the world to be your own inheritance, just as you declared through your servant Moses when you, O Sovereign LORD, brought our fathers out of Egypt." (v53)
Ephesians 1:4-5 (NIV)
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will
God chose you and what a privilege it is to be called sons and daughters of the living and Almighty God. And we are reminded that "we were by nature objects of wrath" because of our sin but God in His love and grace and mercy, gave us His son so we can be made alive in Christ while we were dead in our sins (Ephesians 2:3). That's the wonders of accepting the work of Jesus on the cross and appropriating it to our lives. Do you believe in your position as a child of God in your life?
... there will be turning of peoples' hearts back to God.
"May the LORD our God be with us as he was with our fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us. May he turn our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees and regulations he gave our fathers." (v57-58)
Often times, when we become restored and have experienced the love, grace and mercy of God and His work in our lives, we will naturally want to share this wonderful privilege with others who have yet to know and experience Him. And hearts will be turned to God through the work of our hands and the testimony of our mouths.
So, is your life filled with the glory of God...
... so much so there is forgiveness of your sins?
... so much so, there is trust in your life of God as the Ultimate Judge; that He knows everything that happens and is capable of vindicating you of wrong done to you?
... so much so there is restoration in our lives as we come to him in repentence?
... so much so we are receiving teaching from the Lord day after day as He continues to work in us?
... so much so we will have the fear of the Lord which will keep us within His boundaries, approval, blessings and favour?
... so much so God's name is glorified through us?
... so much so we experience God's favour in our lives?
... so much so we receive deliverance from things which keeps us captive?
... so much so we know and are affirmed of our position as children loved by God?
... so much so we see the turning of peoples' hearts back to God?
I know I am not there yet but yes, I pray that my life will be a wonderful temple, consecrated and dedicated to the Lord, filled with the glory of God.
With Good Friday round the corner, let me put this question to you: How many Good Fridays have you been through and even as we go through our how many-th time, do we still remember the significance of this day?
Even as a child, Good Friday to me, is public holiday and I remember being all happy because we would all pack off the the hall to watch a video on Jesus, which means it is a time out from class... But not until my coming back to Christ have I come to realize the real meaning of Good Friday.
As I revisited some of the articles in this blog, I am brought to the article "I am the Cross" and am reminded once again of the significance of the day. Even though I have read this story before, it does not fail to almost bring tears as I read through what Jesus went through and what kept him to the cross. And yet, these are just words. How much more pain did Jesus has to go through in the actual crucifixion? And for what reason?
As I go through thinking about Good Friday, I am brought to 1 Peter, where I read about the work of Christ on the cross:
1 Peter 2:22-25 (NIV) "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
1 Peter 1:18-21 (NIV) For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
Even before Christ came, prophets told of the work of the one who would be sent by God for our sake. One of them is Isaiah as he wrote in Isaiah 53.
Isaiah 53:3- 7(NIV)
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
A good reminder as we approach Good Friday that God died not just for you and me but for all...
At the cross as man crucified Him, Jesus said "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.".
JUDGE YE NOT
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
JUDGE NOT!!
Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!
As I was doing my QT this morning, I am reminded of Paul's heart for God's people. And we cannot doubt that it is people like him who has caught the heart of God and how ministered to the Gentiles, as well as many people who caught the heart of God, that we can be here as a child of God.
Romans 15: 20-21 (NIV)
It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation. Rather, as it is written: "Those who were not told about him will see, and those who have not heard will understand."
This morning in devotion, me and my colleagues read the story of Corrie Ten Boom and shared about forgiveness. Some of you might be familiar with Corrie's story, a powerful true story and reminder about forgiveness.
Just as I read the article from Our Daily Bread, three words caught my attention "Jesus, help me!". Right at that point in time, God placed on my heart something which He wants me to be reminded and also to share - we can forgive with help from God.
For me, I had long been affected by a failed friendship 4 years back, which has scarred me, and affected how I relate with people. I started to be wary of people and could not trust people, afraid that they would hurt me. It was also that time that God brought me back into His community and I remember that whenever I share about the matter, either in cell or in office devotion, I would not fail to tear. Yes, the hurt was so deep I told myself I could not bring myself to forgive my friend. I became more and more bitter and started to hate the fact how this has scarred me to the extent I feared social interactions with people. It's not my fault that this has happened and has scarred me so much. Yes, I hear about forgiveness and know I am to forgive, for my own sake and as commanded by God. But how?!
Of course, God began a work in me and over the span of a few years, I can see his rehabilitative programme taking place, as I am being ministered through sermons, new life encounter, cell discussions and even by people God has brought into my life. Then, one day, I suddenly realised that my hatred for this friend has subsided that I could even pray for him. And in the last few days, I have even met up with him face-to-face, first time in many years, and was even able to sustain a genuine conversation with him without a tinge of hatred at all. But, it did not become clear to me until this morning during devotion and God made me realise how I have been brought from "bitter" to better. It hasn't been an easy road but God has not only restored me but also has helped me to forgive this friend of mine. And now, I am relatively more a confident person having left my baggage behind.
Why do you forgive? Because God commanded so. Colossians 3:13b reminds us "Forgive as the Lord forgave you". And just in case you forgot how God forgave us, look at Luke 23:34 where Jesus uttered the words "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus forgave the people who crucified Him and humiliated Him. And He also forgave you and me, long before we were even born and said that we repent. This is the power of His love.
How do we forgive? With God. Just as Corrie mentioned "Jesus, help me!" and just as I have come to realise how God has helped me to forgive. He has the power to help you deal with your unforgiveness and bitterness too. Will you entrust it to Him and say "Jesus, help me!"
How Can I Forgive? READ: Matthew 18:21-35 If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. —Matthew 6:15
Some of life’s hurts are so deep and painful that to forgive the people who caused them seems impossible. Yet Jesus says that we can’t experience His forgiveness if we have an unforgiving spirit.
In World War II, Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsie were arrested for concealing Jews and were sent to a German concentration camp. Betsie died a slow and terrible death as a result of the cruel treatment.
Then, in 1947, Corrie spoke about God’s forgiveness to a church in Munich. Afterward, a man sought her out. She recognized him as one of the guards who had mistreated her and Betsie. He told her that he had become a Christian, and with extended hand he asked for her forgiveness. Corrie struggled with her feelings, but when she recalled the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:15, she knew she had to forgive. She silently prayed, “Jesus, help me!” and thrust her hand into the hand of her former tormentor.
Someone has said, “Forgiveness is not a case of ‘holy amnesia’ that wipes out the past. Instead, it is the experience of healing that drains the poison from the wound.”
God asks us to do for others what He has done for us through Jesus Christ. He’ll give us strength to forgive.
— Dennis J. De Haan
Lord Jesus, give us grace each day That we may follow in Your way, Especially when some unloved soul Needs our forgiving to be whole. —DJD
Since we all need forgiveness, we should always be forgiving.
NLE (Men), now known as Divine Encounter (Men), is coming from 30 Oct-1 Nov @ Mercure Johor Palm Resort & Golf. Wonder any of you keen to go along together for a time of refreshing, healing and restoration? I do strongly encourage you to go if you believe that it would help or especially if the Lord is prompting you that you need further restoration. Just make the step in faith and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit.
I share with you here my concise testimony which I shared in church last year. I have previously shared my encounter in detail here.
Psalm 23:1-3 (NIV) 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
As I shared in my previous testimony, the Lord may be saying to some of you "the time for restoration and healing is now". May the Lord make you lie down on green pastures and lead you to quiet waters.
“An upgrading project”… that’s how I would describe my experience with the New Life Encounter (Men) last year. Just like an upgrading project, I have come to realize in the days following NLE, that God has begun a work of significant restoration through NLE. Having been through the beatings of life… I’ve experienced God’s healing, restoration and renewal. He is also slowly working in my life to make things better than before…
Hello, my name is James. I am from OneLife and am currently also serving in the cell ministry there. I thank God for the opportunity to be able to stand here to share with you about NLE (Men). Frankly speaking, when I was approached more than a month ago to share my testimony for NLE, I was very hesitant. I still remember and am very grateful for the work God did in me through NLE. But being the introverted me, I thought that “this is not for me, leave it to others”. And yet, a part of me battled with that thought and gradually, I became convicted of the need to testify to what God has done in my life, and to bless others as God has blessed me. So, I told God that I am going forth in faith, believing that He will use it for His glory.
I came to RiverLife in August 2005. At that time, I was going through some struggles in my work and personal life, everything seemed to be falling apart. I was deeply wounded by people and circumstances and badly needed respite. In addition to that, I was also burning out at work.
I had backslided for some 15 years. For years, I had rejected friends’ invitation to church, for fear of being looked down upon as a backslider. But this time round, my friend told me that RiverLife was having a service to launch her new building and so I thought I would just come by to visit.
During that service, I was ministered to and rededicated my life to Christ, and God began healing my hurts. It’s interesting how God brought me back during that service (which happens to also be RiverLife’s anniversary). So now every year, I am reminded of my own coming back to God as the church celebrates her anniversary.
Over the course of time, I began to be ministered by God through the weekly sermons, and it began to help nurse my past disappointments, emotional hurts and unforgiveness. But one day, I realised how I had not really gotten over some of my unforgiveness. God impressed upon my heart how I was overwhelmed by unforgiveness and bitterness towards the people who had hurt me, and this was affecting both my personal and spiritual life. And I thought, “It is by no fault of mine that I am this way!”
But my problems in trusting people persisted. Everytime I got emotionally hurt again, I would spiral downwards. It was as if I had hit a glass ceiling and could go no further… I was getting real sick and tired of always yearning to connect with people but yet battling my tendency to withdraw from them for fear of disappointment and hurt again. I was getting very frustrated and desperately needed a breakthrough! And so, I decided I would give NLE a try.
I can recall the day of departure to NLE at Harbourfront, I was waiting around with the other brothers-in-Christ. I remember “beating myself up” emotionally, asking myself “why did I subject myself to this, coming to this retreat all alone?” The introverted side of me was causing me to feel real vulnerable amidst all the unfamiliar faces. I remember asking how I was to survive the next 2 days. I uttered a short prayer to God to watch over me the next 2 days, and help me keep the focus of dealing with my issues.
I had always thought that I had forgiven people for how they hurt me. But on the contrary, I came to realize during NLE how the hurt was still pretty raw and painful. The sessions not only helped to surface my unforgiveness towards others but even towards myself for the things I had done to grieve God. Some of these things have been repressed for so long I had totally forgotten about them. Most importantly, I have come to learn and understand from the heart, how we have been commanded to forgive, how Christ Himself set an example of releasing forgiveness through His work on the cross, how we are all WIP (Works in Progress), and how God not only loves us but wants to be reconciled with us, and to empower us.
Immediately after NLE, I went back to journal about my experience and encounter with God. It was a good time of reflection as I came to full realization and appreciation of the work that God had begun in me. So, I have much to share and can really go on and on about my 2 days experience. But the main thing is that I am really here to encourage those who need a touch from the Lord- take a step of faith and come forth to let Him start His work of significant restoration in you. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”. And I believe that God is saying to some of you here that it is time for you to release and commit your struggles to Him…allow Him to breakthrough for you.
Are there any areas of unforgiveness and bitterness in your life now? Are there areas which you find difficult to let go? God is willing to work with you and heal you if you yield yourself to Him… Thank you.
Received quite a few articles on the topic of anger recently and thought of sharing and hope it will bless your hearts.
I am sure this is not a topic that is unfamiliar to us and truth is that we will all face with the issue of anger in our life and the issue seems not to be with anger, as Jason had once aptly point out in cell but how we respond when we are angry. The articles remind me, coupled with my own experience, how destructive anger can be in our life and even in our relationships with each other and with God.
Recently, while doing my quiet time, I was brought to Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) and it reminds us
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
I am a person who seldom erupts and whenever anything happens that makes me angry, I would usually need time away to think through matters and how have I been wrong myself. But then, I have also realized that the longer I take to think about thing, the greater the potential for it to fester into something unhealthy. Maybe that is what the bible calls “do not give the devil a foothold” because “the devil came to “steal, kill and destroy” especially everything which is of God including our relationships. And we also know how when we are angry, we will also sometimes say things we do not mean and later realized the negative impact of it. Do not give the devil a foothold and test every spirit of things that goes through your mind when you are angry; asking God to give you wisdom to know what is not of Him and not righteous, even thoughts of how you might be unworthy.
So, even though these articles are long, I do hope that it will bless your heart, regardless whether or not you are facing issues of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness now or in the future. Remember God’s word on anger.
Do not let anger, unforgiveness and bitterness rob you of your joy. God has shown me that the answer to it all is Him; that, as He knows what our hearts are going through, to trust in Him that He can work things out. After all, shouldn’t the Christ-like life be one which is filled with the Spirit, one filled with the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). For me, I have allowed bitterness to control my life for close to 2 years (and most of the time, while we suffer, the people who caused the bitterness seldom even are bothered by it) and having let God deal with it, it has helped me to be freed… my chains are gone….
Don’t Hold on to Offenses, Communicate!
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrendered and begged for mercy. I had become addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house,our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people' s habit; slowly you will get used to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter,whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.
As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.
One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes,and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war,hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of nfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."
I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was xpressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.
As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:
“Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion.. ..
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."...... ..
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.
Take greatest care and live on
"I'm Feeling Angry"
When you are angry, the first positive step is to admit to yourself that you are angry. Say aloud, "I'm feeling angry." The second step is to ask God to help you handle your anger in a positive way. "Lord, help me to do what is right and good with my anger." The third step is to ask, "Did someone sin against me?" If so, the biblical answer is to lovingly confront the person and seek reconciliation.
On the other hand, if you are angry simply because something happened that irritates you, ask "What can I learn from this experience?" If the other person habitually arrives late for your appointment, perhaps you can talk with them and negotiate change. Thus the anger has served a positive purpose. God wants to teach you how to handle your anger in a godly way.
When you are angry, be sure to get the facts before you take action. You hear your spouse tell someone on the phone, "I'll be there tomorrow night." You know that tomorrow night is your date night, so you get angry. Before you storm in and say something harsh, take time to ask, "Did I hear you promise someone to do something tomorrow night?" Your spouse says, "Yes, I told mom I'd bring her blanket by. I thought we could do it either before or after we go out to eat."
Your anger subsides because you took time to get the facts. Often we jump to conclusions about what someone said or did, and we accuse them in anger. We ruin a perfectly good evening because we failed to ask questions.
