Discussion: Love

OK, now I remember that I said that God speaks to me in modules and every week, whatever the sermon topic was on, so will what I have to deal with that week. So when this week's sermon was on Song of Songs, on love and relationship, I was really asking God "now what do you have in stalled for me." Anyway, I began to come to realization what God was trying to teach me this week, something on relationship. As I was thinking about how to cover the CG discussion today, I came across a little wooden tag that was given to me as a gift and on it, it said from Ephesians 5:1-2 that:

1. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2. and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

This very much sums up about love... God Himself love us so much He became flesh and died for our sins; his unfailing and faithful love is so wonderful and we are always reminded to love God with all our heart, our soul and our might and to love His people as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-40), that being the greatest commandment. The music worship was great yesterday as we sang of God's love for us and so was ice-breaker as we penned down words of encouragement, affirmation and poem for one other person:

New Every Morning

Lord Your love is higher than the mountains

Lord Your love is deeper than the sea

Lord Your love is wider than the ocean

It's a steadfast love You have given me

Your love is new every morning

New every morning

Like the sun that rises from the east

Your love is new every morning

New every morning

I am grateful for Your love to me

It's Your grace that I can now draw nearer

It's Your blood that cleanses me from sin

It's Your peace that my heart rejoices within

It's Your love, a love no one could give

I Could Sing of Your Love Forever
Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the healer set me free

I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down

I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever
I could sing of Your love forever

Oh I feel like dancing
It's foolishness I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy like we're dancing now

For any relationship, love should be at the centre of it all. But how do we express that love? Anyway, here are the questions we used for the 5 Love Languages test we did yesterday and, in my opinion, our love language change with our life experiences and determines how we feel loved by others as well as express our love to others. So, it would be good to come back once in a while to understand our love language and also our loved ones' love language:

Click on the image for a larger version
Source: Virtuous Woman magazine (2005 Spring issue)

Gary Chapman, who wrote the book "Five Love Languages" briefly describes the different languages on his website as follows:

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future. Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking to dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

Source: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

The 5 love languages help us to see how we can express love to others. But then, remembering that we are to love our neighbours as we love ourselves, how do we then develop a relationship with others? Through the discussion yesterday, we discussed a little and some speak of:

• Genuineness - I had shared yesterday how I had developed a very deep working relationship with this middle-age lady at my previous workplace. It was a wonderful working relationship though it started off rather rocky the first week, until we decided to sit down to talk about it. What happened in the end is that we agreed to be open with one another whenever we are upset with the other person. What followed was one and a half years of wonderful working relationship and she treated me like a son. In fact, the working relationship was so strong that when I was packing to go off on the last day of work, she laughed and joked that she felt I am not leaving but just going on long leave. As we pulled down the shutters for the last time together, she teared and seeing her tear made me tear too. To date, this is one of my most satisfying working relationship and it was only possible because both agreed to disagree and to sit down to talk about things whenever we are upset. We refused to let things snowball. There were of course times when still we had little conflicts but then we too took courage to apologise to one another when we felt something was wrong because we cherished the working relationship. Frankly, it was only her and me in that workplace so can you imagine the tension if there was any conflict :)
• Tough love - Sometimes, it is also essential to practice tough love when we see something not working right. We are reminded that tough love is still love and it should be done out of love and not out of resentment or to get back at someone. It is to help build each another up.
  
• Forgiveness - We need to sometimes also forgive people for their mistakes because if we do not, we carry with us baggages which not only will affect that relationship (because we will start to keep tabs of every wrong thing that person does against us) but also subsequently and possibly, relationship with others as well. I myself have faced this and has not learnt to let go. After a long chat with a friend yesterday at the airport, it has come to my realisation how my not letting go of a past hurt by a friend has impacted me in my relationship with others, so much so I became very introverted. I am continuing to pray for healing and will also take a step to address it at NLE.
• Acceptance - Someone shared that acceptance is also important because frankly, people can never be 100% similar. There are bound to be differences in the ways we live our lives mainly also because we all have different life experiences. It is a common analogy that people use to remind us that even on the first day of marriage, the way the husband squeezes toothpaste out might be different from that of the wife and this could even cause a conflict. Maybe, staying in focus about the love and not letting the little trivial stuff fret you maybe the key. Full acceptance and not resentful acceptance is important.

Of course, I gather there will be other ways as well so feel free to add on to the list :) The bible reminds us that we need to love others. We have talked about loving each other, but what about God? How do we develop a relationship with God? Maybe, if I can push it a little, God uses all the 5 languages...

• He speaks words of affirmation to you through people, circumstances, sermons, the bible, songs etc,
  
• He gave us the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ,
• Jesus also came to serve as a act of service,
  
• He also is willing to spend quality time with us if we would choose to spend quality time with Him and
  
• Finally, in my opinion, it is possible for Him to touch us too (though not in the conventional sense of the word) through the Holy Spirit.
  

But how are we developing our relationship with God? Feel free to contribute as well :)

KK's Farewell Gift

Hi everyone!

Thanks to all who have contributed to KK's farewell gift. Had managed to collect the tee-shirt in time to hand to her on Friday at the airport :) Special thanks to Sharon (some of you may know her, our former former cell leader :D) and her father for helping us to print the tee :)

Anyway, told KK that the XL tee is meant to encourage her so she can hang it in her room. Also made a CD containing the same design as a wallpaper and screensaver (to the tune of "Complete" which I think she likes). You can download it from here (83.7mb). Lastly, also included a "kungfu" manual notebook for her to write down her experiences :)

Devotional: Habakkuk 3:17-19

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

Discussion: God Loves Truthful Worship

What Do You Think about Psalm?
What comes to your mind when you think of the Psalms? For me, prior to OTC, when I think of the Psalms, I see boring poems which did not even rhyme and they can be saying the same thing over and over, just in different ways.

God Desires a Genuine Relationship
But this week, as I prepare for CG discussion, I began to see how powerful Psalm can be. I began to see how it is possible to express how we sometimes feel, with genuineness and honestly, to God. As I read Don Moen's article on his song, "I Will Sing", I am reminded that indeed God knows us intimately, so why do we sometimes hold back our feelings and just keep to the "safe stuff" like thanksgiving and praises? He knows everything, He knows your disappointment and anger etc. Putting things into perspective, Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God, so wouldn't God want to be in a genuine relationship with us where we can cry out to the Lord and express our deepest emotions to Him, just because He cares and He knows.

Psalm 62:8 (New International Version)
8. Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

John 4:23 (New International Version)
23.Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.

My Realization
I have shared that throughout these few weeks as I took on cell leadership, I had been having struggles of my own and God has also been speaking to me in modules. It seems that whatever the sermon is on that week, I will be going through struggles in areas related to that topic. So these 2 weeks, while we were covering Psalm, I struggled with being angry with God. Deep inside me, I was crying out to God "God, you called me here but why are You letting all these happening to me?!" I was angry, I was annoyed, I was disappointed and just did not know how to go about it. I struggle because I mainly struggle with not having the confidence to lead word discussion and also with having to deal with being an introvert and interacting with people. I cried out to him several times but then things just sometimes remain the same.

I got angry and at FOP last Friday, I was ministered to by Don Moen's song, "I Will Sing". The opening words captured my heart and reflected how I felt. Then, sometime earlier this week, I was again "attacked" and again felt horrible. I began to feel very pressured. Then, God sent a series of events to minister to me and also people like colleagues and friends who affirmed me. Frankly, up till late afternoon today, I did not know how I was going to conduct cell. I was angry, I was lost, I felt horrible. My colleague passed me an article titled "Take Courage: You Build More Than You See" and nicely also highlighted a specific part for me to read. Frankly, as I read through the article, there were several times I just went "Ya right! If this is the case, why are You Lord allowing this to happen to me?!" But then the amazing thing was that, by the end of the article, I was refreshed by the God's word, which says in Haggai 2:1-9:

1 On the twenty-first day of the seventh month, the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: 2 "Speak to Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, to Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and to the remnant of the people. Ask them, 3 'Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing? 4 But now be strong, O Zerubbabel,' declares the LORD. 'Be strong, O Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty. 5 'This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear.'

6 "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. 7 I will shake all nations, and the desired of all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the LORD Almighty. 8 'The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD Almighty. 9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

God's Reminder
In short, the article was suggesting that two arguments were presented in Haggai to motivate the people rebuilding the temple to say remind them to fear not for God is with them and that despite it seems that what they are building now is nothing, God will bless and bring glory to the temple. It was as if a reminder from God that whatever we do, He can bless it no matter how paltry it seems now, but only we continue to work with Him. I continued to be ministered to by the Lord as I made my way to cell meeting and I thank God that He blessed the session. Today's session was one of the very rare times I did not have to worry about what to say because things just came out naturally. And I can really feel Him blessing it. This week has made me realised how important it is to be honest with God in our hurts, disappointments, anger etc because He already knows. He can only deal with us as honest as we are with Him, just as how the Psalmist were sometimes so frank in their writings and "dealings" with the Lord.

Then came the other question, what keeps us from being honest with God? Some suggest it is because we have not reached the point of frustration as yet (and maybe do not want to "bother" God), some suggest this has been so since the time of Adam and Eve when they hid from God after eating the forbidden fruit, while some say that some of us have a certain perception on how a good Christian should not challenge God, so we keep all the "bad feelings" away. But also, it seems that we need to, at the end of the day, recognise how we view our Heavenly Father. A distant and most high God or one who knows us intimately and would like a relationship with us? Well, in my opinion, God can be both.

Devotional: Are We Honest With God?

Hi everyone.

Was at Festival of Praise last week and although I must admit that I am getting old and not really taking to the loud music and even for the message, (frankly) I was a little bored because it was on Saul and David, what we had covered for OTC in the past few weeks. But I must really admit that the Lord works in wonderful ways. I was (or rather still am) feeling at a loss with everything from my work, to my spiritual walk and also cell leadership. I am frankly feeling I am quite at the bottom of the pit and several times I "cry" out to the Lord why this is happening to me.

Then, the pastor began to say something which made me "spring" up from my seat. He reminded that David, a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), also constantly asked the Lord for a fresh anointing. It reminded me that I can do that too. Then much later, Don Moen came on stage and sang the song "I Will Sing" and it ministered deeply, reminding me how much God is in control. Incidentally, the past two weeks, I thank God for sending people to affirm me that God is in control. Ultimately, I am a man of few words and sometimes really don't know what to say and the song and a few other Psalm did help me to become more clear about how I am feeling and help express these emotions to God. It is OK even if some of these feelings are anger, hurt, disappointment (of the Lord) because God knows our feelings but are we honest with Him? Even as I write this article now, I have this deep headache throbbing in my head and I am not sure if it is spiritual attack, but I will speak forth what the Lord has helped me to realise and share.

I found the following which was written by Don Moen about this too. Taken off Integrity Music's website, he speaks about being honest with God in our worship, which I found meaningful and would like to share.

Let's Be Honest!
by Don Moen
©2000 by Don Moen

Imagine this scene with me. It's Sunday morning about 10:35. You have just entered the sanctuary of your church after the usual hassles of getting everyone out the door and in the car. You were running a little late, so all the good parking places were taken. (You were tempted to park in the visitors parking space, but you resisted, hoping God noticed.) Finally, you walk into the service already in progress. The worship leader is introducing a new song. You notice the words in your bulletin and as you try to learn the melody, you began to feel a little uncomfortable with the lyrics. This is not what you're used to singing. You begin to wonder if this song is scripturally accurate.

The first verse says, "Do not keep silent oh God of my praise! For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful have opened against me. They have spoken against me with a lying tongue. They have also surrounded me with words of hatred and fought against me without a cause. In return for my love they are my accusers, but I give myself to prayer. Thus they have rewarded me evil for good and hatred for my love." (NKJ) You are beginning to feel uncomfortable singing these words in a worship service of all places, but the worship leader begins with the second verse and says, "Let's just lift our voices this morning and sing verse two together."

Before you realize what is happening, you are singing along with him. "Set a wicked man over him, and let an accuser stand at his right hand. When he is judged, let him be found guilty, and let his prayer become sin. Let his days be few, and let another take his office." "Good grief! What are we singing?" you ask yourself. "This has to get better." It doesn't, but you continue singing along. "Let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow. Let his children continually be vagabonds and beg. Let them seek their bread also from their desolate places. Let the creditor seize all that he has and let strangers plunder his labor. Let there be none to extend mercy to him nor let there be any to favor his fatherless children. Let his posterity be cut off and in the generation following let their name be blotted out." (NKJ) Whoa! "Enough already!" you say. "What's going on here? We can't sing songs like this in our church. God might be listening!"

As you probably know, this is a Psalm (song) of David. (Psalm 109:1-13) There is still a lot more to sing in this Psalm. David was not finished writing what was on his heart yet. Can you imagine singing this in your church on Sunday morning? Probably not. We usually prefer the "safer" Psalms! Ones that we think God is comfortable with, such as, "Oh Lord our Lord how majestic (excellent) is your name in all the earth." (Psalm 8:1) "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth." (Psalm 34:1) "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) "I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise." (Psalm 100:4), etc. Don't misunderstand me, I love these Psalms and I sing them quite often when I am leading worship, but I believe there is more that God wants to show us in the area of worship and it has to do with honesty. In John 4: 23-24 Jesus told us "the Father is seeking worshipers who will worship Him in Spirit and Truth." Our Heavenly Father is not afraid of honesty in worship! Quite the contrary, He is longing for us to be truthful in our worship.

Do we put on another face when we come to church or go to a Christian conference? Sometimes I feel there are a lot of games being played among Christians and I believe our Heavenly Father longs for us to get past this and get to the next level in worship. Remember it is the Father's desire for us to worship Him in Spirit and Truth.

Truthfulness. He desires our worship to be full of truthfulness. Too many times when it comes to worship, we hold back from telling the truth! Instead, we compromise our true feelings and sing songs with "safe" lyrics that won't offend God. Do we really think that He is not aware of how we really feel? There is something that God wants to show us here in the area of true and honest worship. I believe there is another level that God wants to take us to in Praise and Worship. It's not going to replace what we have done, but augment it and open up a new dimension in worship for all of us.

In October, my new Hosanna! Music project will be released. It was recorded at CBN with a small audience of about 60 - 70 people. As you may realize, the dynamics of a worship service with this many people are certainly different than they are in a crowd of several thousand. But the worship experience during the recording and video taping was very powerful and very intimate. I wrote a song for this project that I decided I couldn't record because of the honesty of the lyrics. I was shocked when I started writing down the lyrics while driving my car one day:

Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more, it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now,
That it's hard for me to pray.

But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace
With all that's in my heart;

I will sing, I will praise,
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain,
I will sing, I will praise,
Lift my hands to honor You,
Because Your Word is true,
I will sing!

After playing this for a few people, including my wife, Laura, I decided to put this song on the project. In fact, it is the title cut! Everyone who heard it seemed to identify with the lyrics. Everyone has had a day when it seemed like God was far away. During those times, He is always close by our side but it is hard for us to believe it. I think an honest lyric like this can be an important step in helping us through any difficult circumstance.

As I mentioned earlier, David wrote many of these "honest" songs, yet he was called "a man after God's own heart." (Acts 13:22) He was also called the "apple of God's eye." (Psalm 17:8) What does this mean? How can this be? How can a man who is called the "apple of God's eye" write something like Psalm 109? Could it be that God loves honesty? I think the answer to that is obvious. Open up your heart to Him today and be honest about the way you feel about a situation. Perhaps God will give you a Psalm like He gave David. As you begin to be totally honest and vulnerable with God in worship, (and I'm not talking about singing the blues) I believe He will help you become the kind of worshiper He is looking for - one who worships Him in Spirit and in Truth.

Do meditate on the lyrics and let God speak into your heart as you speak into His: