Which Sorrow? My Testimony (Coming Out of Depression)

2 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV)

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This morning, as I did my quiet time, I came across this passage. And it seems that God was trying to capture my attention as one part of the passage sprung out to me. As I read the verses again, I sensed God telling me that sorrow is always here with us, because we live in a fallen world and simply because we are created by Him to have emotions. No matter how much we try, even with our very best, to avoid sorrow and regardless of what others tell us about being able to escape sorrow when we choose to be happy, the truth is: sorrow is here to stay. And I am sure, as you are reading this, God may bring to mind periods where you have been through sorrow, over something which may have happened to you, over a loss or even over someone else. We need to face the truth and come to terms that sorrow is normal because we are just not robots with no emotions. The difference though is the kind of sorrow: Godly and worldly sorrow.

Some of you may not know but I have been battling with depression for the last few months. It has been a rough year since July 2011. The year saw me preparing for my wedding and renovations of our new home and being stressed out by all the decisions that need to be made for it, facing my dad’s diagnosis of advanced stage lung cancer in August 2011 and coupled with it, the uncertainty of how we are going to cope with it physically, emotionally and financially, striving to understand all the medical jargons being spewed out to me and trying to stand tall to make decisions about care plans for my dad and also for his treatment, shuttling to and from work and hospital to accompany my dad, facing the news of the death of my wife’s beloved grandfather, subsequently dealing with my unexpected but eventual departure of my dad due to pneumonia, facing news of my wife being diagnosed with large fibroids and requiring surgery, facing the unexpected and sudden death of my cousin who we have reconnected back just a few months back before my dad’s passing on and so on. And all this while, I was running low in my “tank” and on my strength while trying to cope with worrying and ministering to people in ministry, while trying to deal with past hurts in ministry and previous work stints, cope with work, worrying about health problems that surface one after another in the last few months and also negative thoughts in my mind that I am unworthy. Yes, by the time my cousin passed away suddenly in April 2012, I found myself starting to crumble under pressure. My depression was starting to worsen and I found myself being dazed, had no interest in anything, had an insatiable appetite, was quiet and at times and had wanted to even break down and cry when I am alone and outside. Life was getting too difficult to bear and even though I had no courage to commit suicide, I remember praying before sleep that God will just take me away in my sleep that I can be far away from all these. Have you felt this way before?

I asked God what have I done to have to go through all these? But even though with that being said, I still trusted God because He had seen me through many trials in the past before and has revealed Himself real as He worked in my life in many miraculous ways. Trust me, if you live my life, you will know what I mean. There are many miracles and blessings that just shows God is real. I held on to God and He continue to bring me much assurance of Him being with me.

And some of His assurances are captured in my thanksgiving journal, beginning at the church camp on 8 Jun 2012:

Even though with all the assurance, I did not quite understand why I was going through all these.

At first, I thought that it might have been spiritual attacks because just before my depression told a dive for the worse in end May when my cousin passed away suddenly, I received two unique experiences and knew that the Lord might be calling me to a greater works:

So, in my heart, up till the time of my first Healing & Wholeness session last Saturday (14 Jul), I had sensed that it might be spiritual attack from Satan.

However, as I read the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 above, I sensed that God is also telling me that He needed to work with me as a person to prepare me for greater works.

On 11 Jul 2012, I wrote these words in my devotional as God impressed on my heart that morning:

As I read it , yes, it does speak of abundant life in God in this fallen world, but more so, it made me realise that God was doing 2 things here to me: (1) Asking me to go back to the source of abundant life; Him and not anyone else and (2) Growing me as a person.

In fact, I have so focused on verse 2 about trials that I forgot about verses 3-4 which says: “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”.

And today, going back to 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, it is as if God bringing me full revelation of what He wanted me to learn and that sorrow has been but an instrument of perfecting me. Indeed, I felt spoken to that there are two kinds of sorrow: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. One brings life and one brings death. Sorrow apart from God or worldly sorrow, can make us feel so hopeless and brings physically, spiritual and psychological death but godly sorrow drives us towards God, towards Hope.

Look at how the Message bible puts it:

Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.

I thank God that in my distress, I had not let go and continue to seek Him. And yes, surprising to some, God allows distress to sometimes bring us to our knees to come back to Him and rely on Him. And we HAVE the choice to turn our sorrow, which is unavoidable in life, to godly sorrow or worldly sorry. What is the Lord telling you in your sorrow?

I used to interpret verse 10 as only for those who have yet to know God, but today God shows me that, in fact, we all need to repent from our imperfect ways and when sorrows come into the picture, God can use it to turn us around.

I thank God for how He brought me back to Isaiah 41:9-10 just as I prepare to facilitate worship with Min Qin, Joyce and Joshua for the first time with the young adults in my church last Friday (13 Jul). God reminds me that I am in His hands. He had given me this verse a few years back when I was going through another rough patch, which I overcame and grown from it.

The Lord says (Isaiah 41:9-10 NIV):

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

How do I know that God has turned things around for me? Frankly, as I type this, I do not know what lies ahead me (no one knows) but then what surprised me is that how God quickly turned things around over just 2 hours. I had been depressed and getting increasingly depressed over the last 1 year but over just 2 hours at the Healing & Wholeness counselling session, God turned things around. It has to be God! And I know that God is holding my hand no matter what.

I leave the depression behind knowing and confirming once again God is real in my life and that I only need get my love and source of life from Him and not anyone else or anything else. I lost my dad but I now can rely on my Daddy God.

And so God says and reminds in closing:

2 Corinthians 7:11 (MSG)

And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart..

May this bless you and encourage you to look to God in your sorrow. Stop running away from sorrow but allow God to work in your sorrow as you turn your worldly sorrow into godly sorrow which brings hope.

The Heart of Evangelism

To the Ends of the Earth


Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

Amazing Love


I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

(Chorus)
Amazing love,
How can it be
That You, my King, would die for me?
Amazing love,
I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.

Making a Difference


Won't you Lord take a look at our hands
Everything we have, use it for Your plan
Won't you Lord, take a look at our hearts
Mould it, refine it, as You set us apart

(Chorus)
We want to run to the altar and catch the fire
To stand in the gap
Between the living and the dead
Give us a heart of compassion
For a world without vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land

You Laid Aside Your Majesty



You laid aside Your majesty,
gave up everything for me.
Suffered at the hands of those you had created.

You took away my guilt and shame,
When You died and rose again.
Now today you reign,
and heaven and earth exalt you.

I really want to worship you my Lord,
You have won my heart and I am yours.
Forever and ever, I will love you.
You are the only one who died for me,
Gave Your life to set me free.
So I lift my voice to you in ador - a - tion.

Beautiful Saviour


Jesus, Beautiful Saviour,
God of all Majesty,
Risen king,
Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous,
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star

All the heavens shout your praise,
All creation bow to worship You

How wonderful, how beautiful,
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name, name above every name, Jesus

I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you

Hi everyone!

Thanks for being a part of cell yesterday and for participating. I do not know how it was for you but personally for me, it was a wonderful time of worship, sharing, learning the heart of God and most importantly seeing how God works.

Prior to the start of cell, I kept praying because I am always nervous about facilitating cell and I also confess that I am no expert in the area of evangelism; I was worried that the discussion will not take off. But, in no time, I have come to realise how everything came together so nicely, including the choice of worship songs, the preparation, the verses to be shared, the people brought together to share and edify, icebreaker, fellowship and discussion. Everyone played a part in making a difference yesterday and I thank God for everything, including our sister Min Qin, who has not forgotten about us and prayed alongside with us as well (Hello there Min Qin!!!)

Anyway, would like to share my thoughts on our discussion on evangelism yesterday. Feel free to share your comments too as we edify one another on.

The Struggle with Evangelism
Have you ever thought about what evangelism is about? Why evangelism? What emotions does it trigger when we talk about evangelism? What is the big deal about it?

For some, when one talks about evangelism, thoughts such as:

• "others can do it"
• "i'll try my best"
• "sian ah, again? It's that time of the year again?!"
• "huh? I do not know what to say?"
• "people may think I am pushy, better don't share"

It becomes very clear that evangelism seems to be something which people struggle with; not only Christians but also pre-believers, some have their "memorable" experiences with who they described as "pushy" Christians.

What's the Big Deal about Evangelism? Why Evangelism?
But, I am not here to judge whether being pushy is right or wrong. Let's take a step back and the question that keeps coming to mind is: What's the big deal about evangelism? Why evangelism? We all know the Great Commission in Matthew 28:

18. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20. and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

But then, what's the big deal? Why do we need to evangelize?

Did not the bible say in Ephesians 4:11-13:

11. It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12. to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13. until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Me? An evangelist? No no, I think you are mistaken... I struggle with even talking to people, let alone evangelism. I have checked the dictionary and according to dictionary.com, some of the definitions I get about evangelism is that it is about "zealous preaching and dissemination of the gospel" (note the word "zealous"). But yet, aren't the disciples of Jesus also told to be witnesses?

Acts 1:8 - "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

In fact, in the end, not only the disciples but even the many people who encountered Jesus after his resurrection became his witness:

Acts: 13:27-31 - 27. The people of Jerusalem and their rulers did not recognize Jesus, yet in condemning him they fulfilled the words of the prophets that are read every Sabbath. 28. Though they found no proper ground for a death sentence, they asked Pilate to have him executed. 29. When they had carried out all that was written about him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in a tomb. 30. But God raised him from the dead, 31and for many days he was seen by those who had traveled with him from Galilee to Jerusalem. They are now his witnesses to our people.

Acts 10:41-43 - 41. He was not seen by all the people, but by witnesses whom God had already chosen—by us who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead. 42. He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. 43. All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name."

"You May be the Only Bible Someone Ever Opens"
So there may lie the starting point of it all, witnessing. Consider your life after knowing Christ, what is different? For me, it becomes very clear how much life is different and purposeful and how God is so real, after coming back from backsliding for close to 15 years. It was a great contrast. For many of us, we have life stories of transformation by Christ and that maybe where you can start; your life story, your testimony. Because, ultimately, that is something that people cannot dispute and you yourself know it very clearly.

Think about it, what is the bible all about? It is more than a storybook but bears the stories of many "spiritual mentors" (as Pastor Benny Ho might call them) who shows the way and share their testimonies with you. It is a book of spiritual journals of many, the testimony of the power, love and faithfulness of God, trying to bring people back to Him and a chronicle of God's instructions and commandments to His people who He cares and love for (maybe that's why some call the bible "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). You yourself can be one such testimony and a walking bible, as you reach out to many others to share your story, of the power, love and faithfulness of God and of His principles for you. I love it the way someone puts it: you may well be the only bible that someone ever opens.

How did you come to know Christ? Chances are that someone has taken the step, directly or indirectly. Hence, you can be that someone who makes the difference too.

Keep Walking
Frankly, I have found that recounting your testimony is not only beneficial to the one your are reaching out to, but also serves to remind us of how real and faithful God is. We can be like the Israelites who quickly forgets how God had delivered them from Egypt or we take account of our testimonies of our walk with the Lord, just as how Moses had instructed the Israelites to:

Take an omer of manna and keep it for the generations to come, so they can see the bread I gave you to eat in the desert when I brought you out of Egypt." (Exodus 16:32)

and Joshua had instructed for 12 stones to be collected from the middle of the Jordan as a reminder to future generations of how God had brought them across the Jordan river (Joshua 4). Once reconciled with God, we will need to constantly be reminded in our spiritual journey, how God has been so real in our lives. So use your testimonies to edify and encourage yourself and others, including pre-believers and believers. This is also why I am encouraging you all to keep accounts of your thanksgivings and testimonies because through that, you would edify yourselves.

The Heart of Evangelism
But yet, that only explains part of the question and being a walking bible to edify yourselves and others would be a good "by-product", if I may use the word, of witnessing. The question is still why witness?

2 Corinthians 5:11-21
The Ministry of Reconciliation

11. Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. 12. We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13. If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

16. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18. All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19. that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

If you have followed the discussion on what the Christian faith is about, you would have realise that the Christian faith is not about a religion or a ritual but it is a relationship with God who created you. And God's heart is to reconcile you to Him as He would also like to reconcile many others to Him.

So now that we know God's heart for you and everyone else; that it does not stop at your reconciliation with God, but with continues with growing in righteousness through Christ-like living and also with the ministry of reconciliation with God. Another way of looking at it is this: Psalm 34:8a tells us to "taste and see that the LORD is good". Once you have tasted to see that the Lord is good; once you life is being transformed, do you not want to share the good news with others? It is just like they say: "if you have found the cure for AIDS, will you not share with others?"

What will you do now since you know the heart of God for you and the lost? 2 Peter 3:9 also reminds us how God loves everyone and does not want everyone to perish but to come to repentence. I will always remember the turning point in my ministry when I started to realise how God has placed in my heart the burden for people's spiritual growth and how I have come to realisation during one service when I prayed for a teenager who so desired to draw back to God and I teared with him as we prayed. And this burden just came from the Lord because I remembered how I started my ministry and felt it so much as a burden more than anything else but things changed and the burden was placed in me.

So a summary at this point in time.

Why witness? I see it as:

• because this is God's heart and we have been called into the ministry of reconciliation;
• because the process of witnessing helps us to continue to be God-aware in our lives
• because we may well be the only bible others may open

What Helps in Evangelism?
So what helps? For me, relfecting upon the times when God brought someone to reach out to, I have found that the following has helped me in responding to that prompting:

• Knowing the heart of God for you and the lost (as discussed earlier)
• Be God-aware and thankful; being convinced of God's "realness" and goodness (1 Thessalonians 5:18 and as discussed slightly under "Keep Walking")
• Being ready to share (2 Timothy 4:2) and to engage in spiritual warfare, especially with prayer (Ephesians 6:18-20). Spiritual warfare is real as I would testify of the things which happened to me the moment I took up cell leadership and as many missionaries will testify.
• Being obedient - God may send someone to you but you need to be aware of the prompting and willing to act
• Believing that God is in control - One of the things which has helped me feel less uptight about evangelism is how I have come to realise that evangelism is (i) taking the initiative to share Christ with another, (ii) in the power of the Holy Spirit and (iii) leaving the rest to God. Realise that you are not alone in this and that God is with you. If His heart is for reconciliation, what more will He help you to reach out to others at the right time? I have come to realisation about how God is in control during the times:
• I see how He has provided me opportunities after opportunities to share about Him and sometimes it was even initiated by others who I would less expect to ask about Him and some from other faiths
• at a missions trip in 2007 when I realised how everything is in His hands and things just clicked together so well,
• how several times His words ministered to me including one time when someone suddenly felt prompted to send me an sms which just said "1 Cor 15:58" (this person seldom sms me) and it was timely reminder, seconds after i ended an upsetting sms with another person, how He spoke to me from Isaiah 41:10 when I was on the verge of giving up on my ministry and several other times when God just prompted me to send verses to people,
• His word speak to me week after week and how He continue to uphold the cell during a time it was undergoing crisis
• How He used my past circumstances and experience to minister to others
• How he comforted and guided me through an outreach to a friend from a cult
• How he put words into my mouth to encourage people when necessary
  
  and that's just touching the iceberg. Recognise you are not in this alone and it is partnership with God. Again, I thank God for the 2 timely verses given to me through my sister from Our Daily Bread; one about the ministry of reconciliation (discussed above) and one from yesterday's devotion on following Jesus first and then becoming Fishers of Men; the emphasis here is not about the skills (this you can get from practice, books and Christian Education courses like "Becoming Fishers of Men") more than who you follow.
  
  And yet, another good devotion which ministered to me was from the "Our Daily Bread" devotion on 30 July 1997 on how likened to baking a cake, we can simply mix the ingredients but the oven is the one which bakes the cake, not us.
  
  So trust that God is in control and can use you, your experiences, circumstances and a variety of people to reach out to His people. And with regards to different styles of evangelism, I believe in Romans 8:28 and believe that God will send different people, different circumstances to help draw people back to Him, and sometimes a person may be ready and might need a little push. So everyone has a part to play, just that we need to pray about it and discern how we should work in partnership with God.

What Evangelism is NOT?
I think it might be good to also remember what evangelism is not. In my opinion, evangelism is:

• NOT Conversion of people but rather bringing people back in reconciliation with God, through repentence of sin which later brings about restoration of relationship with God. As we have shared yesterday, a relationship with God develops when a person goes into church and the church goes into the person.
• NOT about numbers, quotas, membership
• NOT merely about events and programmes
• NOT rushing headlong, spewing out bible verses indiscriminately
• NOT about how "I am more holy than you"

If it is anything, it should be done out of love and concern for another. Pray for God to put in your heart people who you can reach out to and reveal to you how you can do so. Someone has once said, people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. And if you are looking for a guideline to help you, why not start with something which Riverlife uses: Pray, Care, Share and Invite. You can always start with your testimony and genuinely care for the person and when the Spirit prompts and provides the opportunity, share and invite them.

A Vision for the Cell
I have previously shared how God had placed a vision in my heart how this cell is to reach out to the people who are struggling, backslided and been misled and let's start praying that God will continue to do His work in this cell and let us continue to want to play a part in His work to bring people back to Him. With Easter coming, pray for people who God has set in your heart to be able to receive Him, pray for opportunities to share and invite people, pray for the people preparing for the event, pray for spiritual covering and for hearts to be ready to receive God.

ONELife Vision 2008

Hi everyone,

Yesterday, we had the ONELife Zonal Meeting where we met together as a zone and hear form our Zone Overseer, Chye Aik, share the vision for ONElife for 2008.


Here are some notes I have taken:

Objectives & Who We Are:

• ONELife is a group of young adults who are just starting off on their careers, singles or going into relationship
• ONELife believes that we have just ONE life; one life to live and give
• This is also the time when we are in our prime and able to give of our time and energy to the work of extending God's kingdom
• A time of building our lives on God's blueprint; growing in righteousness and living a God-honouring lifestyle
• A time of reaching people, retaining, raising and releasing them to further the work of extending God's kingdom

Vision 2008

• Aligned with church's vision for 2008: Strengthening the core
• Strengthening at cell-level; meeting the needs of members e.g. through special cell nites
• Strengthening at leadership level e.g. L-cell and mentoring

What about YOU?

• Chye Aik shared with us MAPS on how we can be strengthened and grow spiritually too:
• Mutuality: Connecting, sharing and edifying one another; e.g. not just receiving encouragement but also giving encouragement
  
• Accountability: Helping one another to live God-honouring lifestyles
• Priority: Understanding that spiritual growth and relationship with God takes commitment, amidst busy schedules and spiritual attacks
  
• Service: Serving to build the body of Christ in various ways, with our God-given gift(s)

Our Cell Discussion:

• What would you feel is the core in our cell? Some felt it is:
  
• Accountability to God; our lifestyle
• Relationships within the cell; edifying and encouraging one another
• Direction our cell is heading; are we heading the same direction?
• Commitment; priority given to God and spiritual growth
  
• Personal responsibility for spiritual growth.
  I have shared that we all need to take up responsibility for spiritual growth and not only rely on others to nourish us. We need to grow to see how God is at work in our lives, how real He is. Only then will we live God-honouring lifestyles, share edifying and encouraging relationships, head in the same direction as God leads and of course commit and give priority to growth with God
• Which aspect(s) of MAPS would be critical in helping you to grow spiritually? Priortise them.