Which Sorrow? My Testimony (Coming Out of Depression)

2 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV)

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This morning, as I did my quiet time, I came across this passage. And it seems that God was trying to capture my attention as one part of the passage sprung out to me. As I read the verses again, I sensed God telling me that sorrow is always here with us, because we live in a fallen world and simply because we are created by Him to have emotions. No matter how much we try, even with our very best, to avoid sorrow and regardless of what others tell us about being able to escape sorrow when we choose to be happy, the truth is: sorrow is here to stay. And I am sure, as you are reading this, God may bring to mind periods where you have been through sorrow, over something which may have happened to you, over a loss or even over someone else. We need to face the truth and come to terms that sorrow is normal because we are just not robots with no emotions. The difference though is the kind of sorrow: Godly and worldly sorrow.

Some of you may not know but I have been battling with depression for the last few months. It has been a rough year since July 2011. The year saw me preparing for my wedding and renovations of our new home and being stressed out by all the decisions that need to be made for it, facing my dad’s diagnosis of advanced stage lung cancer in August 2011 and coupled with it, the uncertainty of how we are going to cope with it physically, emotionally and financially, striving to understand all the medical jargons being spewed out to me and trying to stand tall to make decisions about care plans for my dad and also for his treatment, shuttling to and from work and hospital to accompany my dad, facing the news of the death of my wife’s beloved grandfather, subsequently dealing with my unexpected but eventual departure of my dad due to pneumonia, facing news of my wife being diagnosed with large fibroids and requiring surgery, facing the unexpected and sudden death of my cousin who we have reconnected back just a few months back before my dad’s passing on and so on. And all this while, I was running low in my “tank” and on my strength while trying to cope with worrying and ministering to people in ministry, while trying to deal with past hurts in ministry and previous work stints, cope with work, worrying about health problems that surface one after another in the last few months and also negative thoughts in my mind that I am unworthy. Yes, by the time my cousin passed away suddenly in April 2012, I found myself starting to crumble under pressure. My depression was starting to worsen and I found myself being dazed, had no interest in anything, had an insatiable appetite, was quiet and at times and had wanted to even break down and cry when I am alone and outside. Life was getting too difficult to bear and even though I had no courage to commit suicide, I remember praying before sleep that God will just take me away in my sleep that I can be far away from all these. Have you felt this way before?

I asked God what have I done to have to go through all these? But even though with that being said, I still trusted God because He had seen me through many trials in the past before and has revealed Himself real as He worked in my life in many miraculous ways. Trust me, if you live my life, you will know what I mean. There are many miracles and blessings that just shows God is real. I held on to God and He continue to bring me much assurance of Him being with me.

And some of His assurances are captured in my thanksgiving journal, beginning at the church camp on 8 Jun 2012:

Even though with all the assurance, I did not quite understand why I was going through all these.

At first, I thought that it might have been spiritual attacks because just before my depression told a dive for the worse in end May when my cousin passed away suddenly, I received two unique experiences and knew that the Lord might be calling me to a greater works:

So, in my heart, up till the time of my first Healing & Wholeness session last Saturday (14 Jul), I had sensed that it might be spiritual attack from Satan.

However, as I read the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 above, I sensed that God is also telling me that He needed to work with me as a person to prepare me for greater works.

On 11 Jul 2012, I wrote these words in my devotional as God impressed on my heart that morning:

As I read it , yes, it does speak of abundant life in God in this fallen world, but more so, it made me realise that God was doing 2 things here to me: (1) Asking me to go back to the source of abundant life; Him and not anyone else and (2) Growing me as a person.

In fact, I have so focused on verse 2 about trials that I forgot about verses 3-4 which says: “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”.

And today, going back to 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, it is as if God bringing me full revelation of what He wanted me to learn and that sorrow has been but an instrument of perfecting me. Indeed, I felt spoken to that there are two kinds of sorrow: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. One brings life and one brings death. Sorrow apart from God or worldly sorrow, can make us feel so hopeless and brings physically, spiritual and psychological death but godly sorrow drives us towards God, towards Hope.

Look at how the Message bible puts it:

Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.

I thank God that in my distress, I had not let go and continue to seek Him. And yes, surprising to some, God allows distress to sometimes bring us to our knees to come back to Him and rely on Him. And we HAVE the choice to turn our sorrow, which is unavoidable in life, to godly sorrow or worldly sorry. What is the Lord telling you in your sorrow?

I used to interpret verse 10 as only for those who have yet to know God, but today God shows me that, in fact, we all need to repent from our imperfect ways and when sorrows come into the picture, God can use it to turn us around.

I thank God for how He brought me back to Isaiah 41:9-10 just as I prepare to facilitate worship with Min Qin, Joyce and Joshua for the first time with the young adults in my church last Friday (13 Jul). God reminds me that I am in His hands. He had given me this verse a few years back when I was going through another rough patch, which I overcame and grown from it.

The Lord says (Isaiah 41:9-10 NIV):

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

How do I know that God has turned things around for me? Frankly, as I type this, I do not know what lies ahead me (no one knows) but then what surprised me is that how God quickly turned things around over just 2 hours. I had been depressed and getting increasingly depressed over the last 1 year but over just 2 hours at the Healing & Wholeness counselling session, God turned things around. It has to be God! And I know that God is holding my hand no matter what.

I leave the depression behind knowing and confirming once again God is real in my life and that I only need get my love and source of life from Him and not anyone else or anything else. I lost my dad but I now can rely on my Daddy God.

And so God says and reminds in closing:

2 Corinthians 7:11 (MSG)

And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart..

May this bless you and encourage you to look to God in your sorrow. Stop running away from sorrow but allow God to work in your sorrow as you turn your worldly sorrow into godly sorrow which brings hope.

Min Qin's Testimony

… a new posting and sudden change of working environment in June 2011 after my advanced diploma in gerontology nursing, yet it’s a place where the harvest is plentiful and where I see my calling to be… news of my father-in-law bring diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in October 2011, yet after a good battle with the illness, he went home to be with the Lord in early February 2012… a farewell to my beloved Grandpa in Hong Kong as he went home to be with the Lord peacefully in his sleep just a month before my wedding, but not before the Holy Spirit giving me promptings so I was able to talk with him the day before he left …… busy preparations for my wedding in November 2011 and saw how everything just fall into place so wonderfully, with the help of all our family members, cell members, church friends, colleagues and friends… being diagnosed with having a 10.5cm diameter fibroid in my uterus in October 2011 but yet received much peace and joy from the Lord, successfully went through my first operation in April 2012 to have the 11.5cm diameter fibroid removed with much success and without much complications and also receiving a speedy recovery from the Lord now…That’s my  life in the last few months! 

I m truly grateful and am filled with thankfulness for all that God has done in my life!

MY WORK

Praise God that I graduated from the advance diploma in gerontology nursing on 10 June 2011.

With 5 distinctions, 2 As and 2 B+, this has been the best grades and achievement I have gotten in all my life of studies thus far. I still remember how  I was having a terrible running nose and fever on my last day of my exam and could not remember much what I wrote on my exam script. But when the results were released, I remember being filled with great joy as I come to realize that I scored a distinction. I know that this marvelous achievement has not been by my own strength but that God has truly been with me and has led me on.

On 13 June 2011, I was informed to report at another clinic and to serve my 2 years bond. Initially, I felt a bit disappointed as my former workplace was just 4 bus-stop from my home and, apart from that, I knew that going to a new working environment, I will have to readapt to a new culture and rebuild new relationships. But, just as I was making my way to my new workplace, I uttered a prayer and surrendered my work into God’s hands. He then convicted me with Jeremiah 29:11, reminded me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

Over a period of 10 months, I developed strong relationships with my new colleagues and saw how God has placed me in this place where I could be a blessing to my colleagues and my clients. I also discovered that this place is a fertile field where the harvest is plentiful and I was affirmed, through many circumstances, to be called to station in this place for this season.

With the Holy Spirit’s prompting in April 2012, I used the Evangelism Explosion tool and skills which I have learnt from the course and reaffirmed the salvation of a colleague of mine, whom I have been praying for 9 months. Hallelujah!

I believe that more will come to receive their salvation very soon. My motivation to go to work every day is to save 1 more for Jesus!

MY FATHER-IN-LAW

My father-in-law (Mr. Eddy) was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in October 2011 and after fighting a good battle with the illness, he went home to be with the Lord in early February 2012.

I thank God for how He has given me an opportunity to interact and know my father-in-law during chats and visits. Though just a brief period, I felt that I have known him for long. We spent time together, having ‘makan’ and he would share with me his life and his past. He treated me like his own daughter and I feel very comfortable and loved by him.

I also thank God that I was also able to apply what I learnt in my nursing studies and understand the treatments offered and provided relevant information and support to my husband and his family in terms of treatments, medications and caregiving matters. And when my father-in-law went home to be with the Lord, 

I also thank God for the strength and wisdom as He guided me through in assisting and supporting James and his family in preparations for my father-in-law’s funeral.

I remember that just when I needed strength to move on during that period, God provided it and helped me to carry on with my work everyday, sent people to pray alongside me, granted me peace and comfort in my heart and granted me wisdom in supporting James especially.

MY GRANDPA

My beloved grandpa in Hong Kong went home to be with the Lord peacefully in his sleep a month before my wedding and I really thank the Holy Spirit for giving me promptings to call my grandpa on Saturday afternoon (a day before he pass on) while I was making my way to the hospital to visit James’ dad. Though he conversed with me with a weak small voice, I could hear him call my name. I teared after talking to him as I missed him so much and I could sense that he might not live long. I quickly contacted my cousin who stayed with him to check on him and I even shared with my mum my plans to fly off to see him the next day.  Unfortunately, with a phone call from my aunt early next morning, I was awoken in cold sweats, and learnt from her my grandpa has just gone home to be with the Lord. I was devastated, the feeling was so painful and I cried myself to sleep.

Later that morning, I told myself that I will still go church to worship God even though my heart was still grieving badly for the loss of my grandpa  (he was closest to me among all the grandparents, and I always confide in him about many things in my life).  As I made my way to church, my tears would begin to flow whenever I think of him. As service began, and the worship leader led us in singing ‘Amazing grace’, my heart ached so badly I cried as I sing. But later as I cried, I asked God to heal my grief and allow me to trust in Him that grandpa is in a better place. I could remember every line of the lyrics of the song as the whole congregation sang graciously. When worship segment ended, I could feel deep comfort and God’s embrace around me.   

I am thankful that my new manager was understanding and granted me leave to fly back to Hong Kong for my grandpa’s funeral. Little did I expect, during the funeral, I was given opportunities to evangelize to my closest cousins, my aunt and uncle. Though they have yet to say the sinners’ prayer, I know that I have planted some seeds in them. I am still praying for their salvation and know that the day is approaching!

Even though I still feel a bit emotional now whenever I think of my grandpa, I am grateful that God has granted me a chance to talk to him the day before he left. I miss him a lot but I am certain that I will see him again in heaven.

MY WEDDING

 

Amidst all the circumstances-my grandpa’s departure and James’s dad health condition-I asked God for strength for both James and I as we made preparations for our wedding in November 2011. By October, we actually had a long list of “to do”s but miraculously, God just helped to ensure that everything fell in place. From the bridal shop, make-up artists, photographer, emcee, church venue, banquet matters to helpers, everything just came into place perfectly so much so it amazed both us and our friends around us! One thing is certain, everything in our wedding preparations went so well and wonderfully because God has blessed both James & me with the help of all our family members, cell members, church friends, colleagues and friends. Praise God!

I thank God for the opportunity and courage to share my testimony at my wedding banquet in Hong Kong. A month before the wedding, God impressed on my heart to share my testimony to my relatives. Without much thinking, I obeyed His call to testify. Due to our hectic schedules, I did not have the time to prepare my testimony, even more so, in Cantonese! But God helped me to prepare my testimony, ‘freshly out of the oven’ the night before the banquet dinner. I could remember frantically rehearsing in the hotel room continuously! I was filled with great excitement that our relative’s salvation day is here! James & I prayed that our banquet dinner would be special; that people will at ease and enjoy the dinner and my testimony would impact them. That night, the banquet went extremely well. In fact, we were amazed that the banquet manager, who looked “straight faced” as I shared my testimony, shared that she back-slided as a Christian and how my testimony encouraged her to return back to church once again. My Hong Kong make-up artist, who stayed for the banquet, also shared that she was inspired by my testimony. Even though none of my relatives came forth to talk to me about my testimony, many shared that they enjoyed the whole dinner and the heart-warming atmosphere of the banquet. That night, I was just so amazed by all that God has done and all that He is continuing to do that I think I was smiling all night in my sleep!

MY HEALTH

In early October 2011, I was diagnosed to have a 10.5cm diameter fibroid[1] in my uterus during my pre-marriage health checkup. I felt rather depressed as much has happened during that period, with James’ dad just being diagnosed with lung cancer and my grandpa just passed away. I desperately prayed and asked God for strength as I felt that I was at the bottom of the pit.

I am thankful that God has brought my family, my husband, my in-laws, my cell members, friends and colleagues into my life because God used them to bless me abundantly. They have provided me with physical support, prayers support, send words of encouragements and support via sms & emails and they also availed themselves to help me in my every need wholeheartedly. I felt really blessed.

I am thankful for God’s word which I feed on daily to strengthen my inner man and took courage to face all the mountains in my life. Even though the devil frequently came to steal my joy and bring fear, such negative feelings only last for awhile. I have learnt to proclaim God’s words in faith over my situation several times everyday. One of my favorite remains to be from Psalm 118:17: “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done”. I thank God for His peace to rest every night without fail.

I am thankful that God is teaching me to endure through tough times and to learn to truly rely totally on Him in all circumstances. He has convicted my heart to not think and feel about my health condition from just a medical angle but instead to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways submit to Him and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3: 5-6). God also impressed on my heart that He would be directing the whole operation and that I need not worry.

On the Sunday before my operation, I felt a deep pleasurable heat on my right hand as the worship leader led us in the song ‘Jesus loves me this I know’. I felt such a deep sense of Jesus’ hand and presence that He is holding me and telling me to be secure in Him; He assured that I am being taken care of and am in His good hands. After service, I went forth for prayer and Elder Andrew anointed my hands with oil and prayed for me.

Throughout the whole time, I could sense God’s will for me to just trust and obey Him and to go through the operation instead of living in fear. He shared with me in my devotions that my step of obedience is a part of His greater plans. On 24^th April 2012, I successfully went through an operation to remove a 11.5cm diameter fibroid without much complications. Hallelujah!

Despite the difficult times, I have learn to give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5: 18). I am thankful to God that my operation was successful; no blood transfusion was required, no wound infection, no deep vein thrombosis and my uterus was preserved. I did not experience much side effects from the morphine, was able to walk and sit up on the second day and slept well during my hospitalization. In addition, I was taken care of by a good team of healthcare workers, regained my appetite quickly and felt really great physically, emotionally & spiritually after the operation.

Now, I am into my 2^nd week post-operation and I can see God’s work through all that has happened. I could see my faith being heightened to a new level. My testimony has encouraged others who are sick and have given hope to people around me. My family relationship has also become closer. My mother-in-law prayed out loud for me for the first time. My husband shared that he was inspired by my courage and faith in God and it edifies him. I could also sense a heightened spiritual atmosphere in cell. I now also have a better understanding of how it feels to have to go through an operation and become convicted to avail myself to provide support to people who need to go through operations or women with fibroids in the future. I was able to use the photographs of my extracted fibroid and testify to others about the Great God I serve.

I just can’t help but thank God for His strength, providence, joy, peace and everything! He is awesome and I m assured that surely His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6).

MY APPRECIATION

People I am extremely grateful for their prayers & support:

My daddy, mummy, sister, hubby (James Lim), mother-in-law, sister-in-law (Joyce Lin).

My spiritual family (Onelife 3: Lydia also my Prayer Accountability Partner, Michelle, Daniel, Huifen, Cynthia, Xu Chao, Joshua, June, Kent & Elly, Joyce & James Seah, Chui Wai & Ivan).

Area Overseers Chek Shih & Pei Kwee.

Onelife leaders (Sarah & Bill Leung, Wendy, Glen & Veronica, Ee Yang & Charmaine, Lydea, Maurice)

Riverlifers:  Elder Andrew Goh & wife, Celina, Angie & Kexin from Hospitality F & B Team, Alginna, Sarah Jenny, Amanda, Lucy Leng, Angela, Leng Leng.

Colleagues: Regina Lee, Xin Yi, Jerry, Ming Keat, Tok Cheng, Dawn, Zainon.

Friends: Yi Xuan, Syn Syn, Jia Hui, Grace Leong, Teri, James’ colleagues from Salvation Army HR department.

---

[1] A tumor growth in females. While most fibroids are asymptomatic, they can grow and cause heavy and painful menstruation, painful sexual intercourse, and urinary frequency and urgency. Some fibroids may interfere with pregnancy.

Discussion: The Compulsion for Completion

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your sharing yesterday in cell as we discussed about "The Compulsion for Completion". If you are unable to join us, here's a link to the video.



I really hope that this series on relationships will really bless you as it has blessed me, as it provides us with the opportunity and platform to reflect on our own relationships, gather some insights as well as help us further enhance our relationships. The following discussion is based on Dr Les and Leslie Parrott's book "Relationships".

What's the Big Deal with Relationships?
But before we begin, really, what's the big deal with relationships? I may not know, but if you ask me, I would guess that maybe books on relationships will never "go out of fashion" simply because we all know the fact that it is so real in our lives, something that we have to deal with every single day from the moment we get out of bed (if fact, relationships can even get to us even while we are still in bed thinking).

Of course, before we go on here, for clarity's sake, it would be good to define our scope of discussion. Just like how we went about yesterday's discussion, we clarified that we would be focusing here on human-to-human relationship and not relationships of "other kind", as we jokingly mentioned, to handbags or cars etc. And the relationships we would be referring to here is not just husband-wife relationships but relationships of all form, between parent and child, between friends, between us and colleagues and our superiors etc.

But really, if we were to ask this question: "What's the big deal with relationships?", what would your response be? Your response might include some, if not all or most of the following:

• A Basic Need - We need relationships because no man's an island and in our basic make-up, we have a need for love, affection, sense of belonging and dependence on others;
  
• God Commands Us - Relationships are important because we are commanded to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39, NIV). Jesus further emphasized in John 13:34-35 (NIV) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
  
• Connection & Intimacy - We need relationships because it makes us human as we are able to connect with someone else, share our inner world and experience closeness and intimacy;
  
• Companionship in Life - We need relationships because it makes the journey of life less lonely knowing that we journey together. As it is written in Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV):
  
  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
  
  
• Continuity of this World - We need relationships because you can't imagine how we would be destroying ourselves if this world is full of hate of one another;
  
• Complement & Completion - We need relationships because we feel that the other person would complement or even complete us;
  
• Peace - Relationships are important because one can really be in turmoil when relationship goes foul;
  
• Growth - We need relationships because it is through it that we can grow as we learn from others and also allow others the permission to speak into our lives, and
  
• Learning to be Christ-like - Lastly, as I ponder about it, I seem to also realise how we need relationships because, how else can we learn to be Christ-like except through learning to relate and love God's people, even though how imperfect they may seem.

It was little wonder how during worship, I came to realise God's amazing love for us, even though we seem so unworthy, as we sang the song "Forever Reign":

You are good, You are good... When there's nothing good in me...
You are hope, You are hope...You have covered all my sin...
You are true, You are true... Even in my wandering
You are here, You are here... In Your presence I'm made whole

The Compulsion VS Desire for Completion
But even as we inspect the list of reasons why relationship may be important to us, there is one which we focused on yesterday, about the compulsion for completion.

As Trina has shared yesterday, there is nothing wrong having the desire to be complete because it is good to want to be complete. But when it becomes a compulsion, so much so we start grabbing on everything except the right source to complete us, it becomes a problem. In the video, Dr Les and Leslie Parrott mentioned if we try to build intimacy with somebody else BEFORE we have done the hard work of getting whole on our own, all our relationships will be an attempt to complete ourselves and they will fall flat. Now read that again to see if you get it.

The Compulsive Self-Talk Within
Do you know that we are talking to ourselves every single moment in our mind, making statements, asking questions and even making evaluations of ourselves and others. Psychologists, counsellors and social workers would call this "self-talk". And in this compulsion, it's kind of like saying to yourself "I'll feel more as a person when..." and you can fill this blank. And this continuation can be "... people praise me" or "I am around this person", kind of like Anne in the video.

Now, as we discussed yesterday, there is nothing wrong with e.g. wanting affirmation from our bosses for hard work done but it becomes a problem when our sense of worth, identity and significance rest solely on that. It is like our self worth will fluctuate up and down depending on our bosses' mood that day and if he would or would not praise us. There is nothing wrong from wanting to please our loved ones, but when we go all out to do that just to feel more complete/significant as a person, then it might be a sign of something that needs fixing.

This is a different issue from just being different and complementing one another e.g. how one person is more meticulous while another is creative and how they can work together. Rather it is about the compulsion in us that focuses on completion via another rather than a healthy belief on how others can complement us. In a complementing relationship, I would guess that a person's world may not crumble when the other person exits as much than in a "compulsion for completion" relationship.

I am kind of reminded once again of a struggle that I have for a long time, but to a lesser degree now. For many years, I built my life and my significance on affirmations and praises from others and this carried on for many years. But one day, God knows that it was not getting healthy for me and so came a trial where everything came crashing down within the same period. It was a painful lesson but yet, I am able to come to realisation and even in the process came back to the Lord because of it. Though I have yet to completely overcome it, with little bouts of attack now and then in my relationships, work and even ministry, I am more in tune with this kind of self-talk and know that I can build my sense of worth on someone greater and eternal, God. In recent years, I have also come to realise how God can also do His restorative work in this area, through His church, His community, the spiritual family He has given us. Yes, this community is made up of imperfect people but let's also remember that this community is also made up of people who love God and His people and who would offer of themselves and their life experiences and giftings; allowing God to work in and through them.

The A-Frame Relationship
Perhaps, an illustration would help here. I kind of like the "A-frame relationship" analogy used by Dr Parrott to illustrate this. In trying to find a good image, I kind of like the following image I found on the net which kinds of say it all:

You can hear him speak about the "A-Frame Relationship" in a video here, taken from his website.


Source: http://www.realrelationships1.com/videos/CR/parrottT1005.php

Out of this interesting illustration, something did hit me: Your relationships can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in them. 

The Compulsive Need to be Needed
And in such a relationship, as there are two sides of an "A", so there could also be 2 lies/erroneous self-talk in it. One, the lie that "I NEED this person to be COMPLETE" is already covered quite substantially here. But yet, there is also another possible lie, which I do sometimes also encounter in my line of work with some volunteer and this is the lie that "If this person needs ME, I will be COMPLETE". Again, there is nothing wrong in wanting to feel that one has significance but when it goes to the other extreme where it becomes a strong need or compulsion for completion via this lie, then again, it would not be healthy.

Reviewing our Relationships
I believe that many of us may need to review our relationships to see if we have either of these lies in them. Being in an "A-frame" relationship not only is unstable but may also, as I ponder, provide the lack of motivation for us to grow as a person since we are "completed" momentarily; there is just no impetus to address parts of us that needs addressing. I would think that we should always be on the lookout for relationships where we will not compulsively need that person but yet can be challenged to grow as a person.

Working Towards Wholeness
Each of our journeys to wholeness is unique but in the video Drs Parrott suggests 4 principles to working towards wholeness...

1. Heal our hurts
   I would believe none of us are without hurts. Big or small hurts, we can perhaps remember someone who has hurted us in the past, either intentionally or unintentionally.
   
   And yet, we know that we are to forgive and such reminders can be found all throughout the bible. But none can say it better than Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.".
   
   No one says that forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness is not condoning what was done. It is going to take some time and also strength from God. As Benny Ho mentioned, forgiveness is a "willing not a feeling". I can't imagine God forgiving us based on His feelings. But no! He is willing to forgive us as we confess our sins and repent.
   
   In the same way, I guess the first step is a willingness to forgive; to refuse to let ourselves be trapped by our hurts and release ourselves from the pain, all with the help of God. Go on, do it for yourself, if not for the person. And yes, sometimes the hurt and hate comes back to haunt us again and again, much like a video playback in our minds, sometimes even with surround sound! And that's all the more we need God to help us go through it.
   
   I am reminded of the story of Corrie Ten Boom who lost her beloved sister in WWII after being tormented in a German concentration camp. And yet, in 1947, when she was speaking on God's forgiveness in Munich, she was presented the circumstance where she was approached by a man, who she recognised was one of the guards who mistreated her and her sister, asking for her forgiveness. You can read more in the article "How can I Forgive?". What would you do if you were presented with a "Corrie Ten Boom" moment today?
   
   It's interesting how God showed me this valuable lesson just yesterday, before cell, when I was approached by an auditor from my funding organisation to audit me. But I found myself in a "Corrie Ten Boom" situation because this was the very person who I felt backstabbed me during my attachment many years ago. I was still concerned how I would behave towards her when she comes. Will it be awkward? Will I be phoney? But thank God, that I was able to just interact with her and talk to her naturally and it seemed mutual. Did I have the ability to do it? I think not and I only can thank God for that. But yet, I am reminded how I have other hurts, some as recent as weeks ago, which I need to deal with, even though I am not very willing.
   
   Do you have a hurt which is holding you back from the life that God has for you? Do you have a hurt which keeps playing back and it seems so difficult to shake off? Then take this time to pray and commit it to God, because you cannot do it on your own. If not dealt with, you will continue your life with this sting holding you back in your relationships, waiting to be triggered again and again. And it will not be surprising how the same unresolved hurt will keep resurfacing and repeating itself again and again.
   
   
2. Remove Your Masks
   I choose to believe that no one intentionally puts on a mask. Masks might be a way to make ourselves feel better as we project a self which is not our real self and try our best to keep up that pretense. And yet, this could be an attempt to again complete ourselves because we feel we need to be that self to be accepted. It might be caused by our upbringing or even past hurts where we are taught that it is a mistake to be real because we become vulnerable.
   
   But think about it, what's the effect of this coping mechanism? I can only think how relationships in such a life can be rather shallow because effort is just sent on keeping the alternative persona(s) rather than on building deep relationships. And it is tiring. It is also very difficult to have deep relationships because people will sooner or later come to realise how your real self is just so incongruent with the projected self and may just feel disappointed, threatened and distance themselves. Even if someone comes along and wants to get to know the real you, they will eventually give up if the pretense continues. The result is often confusion, frustration with the lack of deep relationships, tiredness and even possible bitterness with how things always turn out.
   
   
3. Sit in the Driver's Seat
   The next thing Drs Parrott suggest is to take the driver's seat. It's easy to be passive and to move through life forever reacting to circumstances. But, if we are to want to turn things around, we need to be proactive and start doing something about it ourselves, even to seek out help e.g. with a pastor, with healing and wholeness, share with our PAP (Prayer & Accountability Partners) and allowing them to speak into our lives without being too defensive, recognising that it is shared in good faith to help us grow. Sitting down to watch a film, reading a book, attending a seminar, listening to a sermon and seeing a therapist are good, but it is not going to help until we do the hard work of being whole.
   
   
4. Rely on God
   But ultimately, rely on God because only God can meet our ultimate needs, not anyone else. No one can ever fill all our needs except for God. I do feel it's good here to qualify that needs are different from wants, or so we learnt in foundational social work studies in university. Many things which we feel are our needs are actually our wants; we won't die if we do not have it. But yet, there are things which we need and God, who created us, knows us and what we need. I like something written in the leader's guide for this session: "Only God can ultimately and consistently love us when we are moody, when we make mistakes, and when we feel rejected and unloved by the person we counted on the most".
   
   And here is Dr Leslie Parrott with "one lesson to transform every relationships":
   
   Source: http://www.realrelationships1.com/videos/CM/parrottT1004.php
   
   My prayer for you, as I prepared for the session yesterday is this, uttered by Paul in Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV) "(so that) Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "
   
   I pray that (i) not only will Christ dwell in you, (ii) that you will come to realise how wide, long and high and deep He loves you, (iii) that you have power as you are together with God's people and (iv) be filled with all the FULLNESS of God. Only when you realise how you are so loved by God that you will have this profound sense of significance. Only God can complete you and give you to power to be filled to His completion. So where are you looking for completion?

I sincerely pray that may what has been written be not of just human wisdom, but that it will go forth in God's power to change your life and many others as He inspires me to write this. Take care and God bless you!

James

Are You Rooted Below & Bearing Fruit Above?

All of us seek to discern the will of God in our lives because we believe He knows best. I have my fair share of waiting too and sometimes, it is to wait for open doors from the Lord, sometimes it is waiting while in God's calling for our calling to come to fruition, sometimes it's for things and/or us to take shape and sometimes it's for us to complete our God-given task despite how much we may want to bail out. But waiting on the Lord is something that all of us will be familiar with.

The topic of bearing fruit is of particular interest to me. I did a search through the bible on scripture verses with the words "bear fruit" and "fruitful" and it seems that God called us to be fruitful by:

1. being fruitful and multiply - This is a common theme in the Old Testament in which God told Abraham, Noah and various other people that His blessing will cause His people to multiply in number to inhabit the earth and to preserve the generations. This is seen throughout the Old Testament in Gen 1:22, 28; Gen 9:1,7; Gen 17:6; Gen 35:11; Gen 48:4; Jer 23:3; Ps 105:24; Ex 1:7; Ez 36:11. The main thing of being fruitful here is receiving God's blessings and multiplying in numbers.
   
2. being fruitful in self and God - As we go into the New Testament, the focus now is on being holy and righteous in our call to be God's children, bearing the fruit of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:19-24). In fact, Luke 13:1-9, Rom 7:4-6 encourage us to bear fruit for God rather that bear fruit of death; a warning of of what will happen if we do not repent and continue in our lives of darkness. So being fruitful has to also mean to be holy and righteous, living as children of God.
    
3. being fruitful to bless - Perhaps God ultimately wants us to bear fruit to not only bless ourselves but also to bless other through us. Why? Because God has appointed us to bear fruit that will last (John 15: 16) and which will be for the Father's glory (John 15:8). And God longs for His children to return to Him.
   
   Paul is very familiar with this as he mentioned in Philippians 1:22 that he was torn between going back to God and yet remaining in his body to have fruitful labour in the body; to bless others. Ultimately, God wants to make us fruitful so we can be a blessing to others and this one really spoke to me a lot a lot during this period.
   
   Early on in Genesis, the Abrahamic Convenant spoke about being blessed and being a blessing.
   
   
   Genesis 12:2-3 (NIV)
    2 "I will make you into a great nation
          and I will bless you;
          I will make your name great,
          and you will be a blessing.
   
    3 I will bless those who bless you,
          and whoever curses you I will curse;
          and all peoples on earth
          will be blessed through you."

As I struggle with my current job transition (transition out of something which is so comfortable and which is so working well for me), I kept bargaining with God that I am already impacting lives where I am. I further went on to justify that if I move, I am not sure if I am going to be effective for Him, given the new environment and new stresses to come in this new portfolio etc. But the real reason, I have come to realise is that I was so in my comfort zone. God dealt with me and made me realised how He has wanted to re-position me to bless others at a different playing field. Talking about revelation from God bringing about re-elevation.

As I did my QT, God first brought me to the story of Elijah in 1 King 17 and 18. I had previously shared in cell how Elijah is an interesting reminder because he has just popped up suddenly in the bible but every step of the way, he obeyed God and God positioned him from one level of faith to another. Firstly God provided for him as He sent the raverns to feed him and thereby helping Elijah know that God will provide for him and bless him. Then God brought him to the widow, another level of faith, and wanted to bless not only him but also the women and her son as he made it possible for the widow and her son to be fed through his instructions. Then, God brought him to yet another level of faith when the widow's son died and had Elijah working with God to restore the boy's life. Finally God brought him to the showdown with the prophets of Baal to bring people back to Him, as everyone realised that ""The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!" (1 King 18:39). The Lord brought Elijah from one level of faith to another, blessing first himself then others through him.

In the same way, I felt the Lord reminding me how He wants to bring me to a different field to bless others and that my season here is just over. And yes, He will bless as He calls; to bear fruit. The further confirmation came when I was preparing for chapel from Luke 5:1-9 when God showed how obedience brought fruitfulness to both self and others. As Simon obeyed and casted the net (even though he felt it was strange and maybe useless), the result was a catch of fish not only enough for himself but also for the other fishermen. All these is possible just because Simon said "But because you say so, I will let down the nets." (Luke 5:5).

In our round up of the story of Joseph in sermon, we seen how God has worked in his life to make him fruitful (Gen 41:52, Gen 49:22).

As Raymond mentioned, we are all definitely called to serve God's purpose, though in different ways. And all of us have been blessed with at least one gifting and Paul edges us to desire and excel in gifts that will build up the church; blessing others.

At the end of the day, God wants us to be fruitful and to stay with the vine as we are reminded from John 15. But to bear fruit, we need, first and foremost, to remain in the vine (John 15: 4-5); we need to take root below and bear fruit above (2 King 19:30, Isaiah 37:31).

Jeremiah 17:8 (NIV)
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
       that sends out its roots by the stream.
       It does not fear when heat comes;
       its leaves are always green.
       It has no worries in a year of drought
       and never fails to bear fruit."

Psalm 92:13-14 (NIV)
13 planted in the house of the LORD,
       they will flourish in the courts of our God.

14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
       they will stay fresh and green,

Like Joyce mentioned, you can say we are all different trees bearing fruit at different seasons. It is important to be rooted well and bear the right fruit. Jesus reminded us in Matthew 7:17 that one can also bear bad fruit too. So stay rooted in God's word and plans, which are the soil and water and the tree will grow to eventually bear fruit. And He will keep pruning you for fruitfulness, not giving up on you (John 15:2).

In the end, God gave me John 15:7-8 as a reminder verse as I move to this new chapter; that I need to just choose to remain in Him in all circumstances and He will bless. At the end of the day, many will come to know the Lord through my ministry and work of my hands, not because of what I have done but because of what the Lord has shown Himself to be through me; that I am a disciple of God.

John 15:7-8 (NIV)
7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

The Lord has blessed me these few weeks so hope it blesses you too.

Instead of Shame

12 May 2010
Susanne Scheppmann

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." Isaiah 61:7 (NIV)

I turned and walked away from God in anger and disappointment. I tossed away the calling of ministry on my life. The Lord had hurt my feelings, so I left my faith to find a fresh path.

This happened during my twenties. With two toddlers climbing up my legs during the day and crying intermittently during the night, I was physically exhausted. Emotional turmoil began to disintegrate my marriage. My immature faith lacked the stamina to hold to God tightly. So, for seven years I wandered through sin, divorce, and miserable meanderings of my own making. It was a time of spiritual drought—the years of shame.

Although I walked away from God, He did not walk away from me. The Lord allowed me to experience life in the wilderness of doubt, but He was right there watching over me and waiting for me to return to the call of ministry placed on my life at age eighteen.

Eventually, I allowed myself to feel His presence in my life. Little by little, the Lord Jesus wooed me back to Himself. I remember the exact time and place that I felt Him whisper to my spirit, "Let's start over and do it right this time." I wept with relief and joy. I began to study the Bible and allowed it to change my damaged spiritual heart. This time it wasn't going to be head knowledge, but heart knowledge.

My faith was back on track, but I did not think my calling to ministry could ever be restored. Hadn't I traveled too far off the godly path? Surely, God didn't want me anymore in service to His Kingdom. Surely, He had more qualified daughters that could minister to others without the shame of a sullied past such as mine.

However, that is not how God thinks at all. The Bible says, "For God's gifts and his call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29, NIV). The Lord desires for us to move beyond the shame of past mistakes and into His calling for our lives. He will restore us to useful service in the Kingdom. It takes time and it is a process, but the Almighty God still has a plan for each of our lives. He intends to replace disgrace with rejoicing, so that we may show our world that we are living miracles.

Do I hear an "Amen"?

Dear Lord, thank You for having mercy on me. Display Your will for my life. Enable me to fulfill the gifts and call in my life, so that others will understand Your grace and mighty power. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want...

All the Way my Savior Leads Me

All the way my Savior leads me

Who have I to ask beside

How could I doubt His tender mercy

Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me

Cheers each winding path I tread

Gives me grace for every trial

Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling

You carry me close to Your heart

And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me

O, the fullness of His love

O, the sureness of His promise

In the triumph of His blood

And when my spirit clothed immortal

Wings its flight to realms of day

This my song through endless ages

Jesus led me all the way

Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me

All the way my Savior leads me

"I Can No Longer Trust in You Lord" ~ Me

This very song, ministered to my heart last Sunday as we worshipped in church. I had been praying to the Lord for something which has been close to my heart but I was coming to a stage where I can no longer trust the Lord. I remember that as the worship leader led us in worship and sang the very words "I will trust in you", asking us to put our hands on our hearts, I just could not do it and I could not mouth these very words...Have you ever felt this way and felt that no matter what happens, you just seem to lose faith and in what God is doing in your life?

"Remember how I have walked with you?" ~ The Lord

It was until this song that came up that the Lord was prompting me gently that He has been there with me all the time and He has guided me through to where I am. And true enough, there had been such changes and miracles in my life, so much so I know it is not from man but from God. From how He has brought me back, to how He had placed people around me, helped me overcome my severe inferior complex, brought me a partner, helped and led me in ministry, healed and restored me from a hurt I had years ago, all these within a short span of 5 years, it just had to be God. And how could I doubt Him? And frankly, as the lyrics expresses it well "who have I to ask beside?". This is one such time when the praise and worship session was already enough to minister to me, even before sermon. And of course, by the time the sermon came and it was a hammer to the nail's head as I am reminded again that the Lord is my Shepherd and He cares for us and knows what is best for us; more than we know what is good for us.

The Life of Fanny Crosby

And the Lord continued to speak into my heart throughout the week, even as I prepared for cell. I later come to know that the hymn, from which this song has been adapted from, was written by a God fearing lady Fanny Crosby. She had, in her lifetime, written over 8000 Christian hymns, despite her handicap that she had to struggle with during her life. Fanny had lost her sight from the age of six week after a botched medical procedure by an inept doctor, which left her blind from henceforth. Imagine losing your sight and not  knowing what this world is like. But yet, God used her and she wrote many wonderful hymns including "All the Way my Savior Leads Me" and "Blessed Assurance". 

This beloved hymn came to Fanny as a result of a prayer. Struggling financially, she desperately needed some money. As her usual custom, Fanny began to pray. A few minutes later, a gentleman offered her five dollars, the exact amount she needed. Later recalling the incident, she said, “I have no way of accounting for this except to believe that God put it into the heart of this good man to bring the money.”  The poem she wrote afterward became “All The Way My Savior Leads Me.” 

She later said, “ If per­fect earth­ly sight were of­fered me to­mor­row I would not ac­­cept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been dis­tract­ed by the beau­ti­ful and in­ter­est­ing things about me.”

Speaking about trusting in the Lord. Fanny's example humbled me.

The Sudden Promotion of Glory of The Salvation Army's Territorial Commander

It's interesting how as Elder Freddy was preaching on Psalm 23, a psalm that one would usually see at funerals (and some would also associate with funerals), my whole week has come to be dominated by the sudden departure of one of our beloved leaders in The Salvation Army. And even as we go through a heart-wrenching week, coping emotionally with the sudden promotion to glory of our late Territorial Commander, God continued to minister to me and prepared me for cell.

It had been a difficult week as many of us struggled to come to terms with the sudden death because the weekend before, we had a carnival and our commander was amidst us, having fun with us and taking photos. His wife has also remarked how he had such great fun, going around to just be around our staff as we raised funds to bless our counterpart's work in Myanmar. And on Sunday evening, he had a simple dinner fellowship with all the heads of departments and officers, just hours before his departure. 

Thanking God for His Grace

Then on Monday morning, we were told that he had gone home to be with the Lord. As we slowed down from all the funeral arrangements on Friday, I remember sitting down with my colleague and we both remarked how we really thank God for his life; how it had been a blessing to many. We thank God for how He had taken him home without prolonged pain and agony. We thank God for His grace in allowing us to have our last "farewell", so as to speak, with the commander on Saturday and also for the heads and officers to have their's on Sunday.

Trusting in God

But what was more heart-wrenching was even seeing our commander's wife, having to deal with the whole incident. They had been a loving couple who have served the Lord for over 40 years now and have just travelled to Singapore barely 3 years ago to serve their last leg before his retirement in June this year. I could imagine the shock and grief of losing someone you love in such a manner. But what really amazed me was her strength and calmness through it all, even in the midst of this when the icelandic volcano eruptions have grounded flights, making it impossible for her family to come and be with her and also for her and the body to be flown back to UK. 

Reflecting on it, I would have broken down long ago. But what was amazing was how this humble lady had calmly addressed us at the funeral, thanking God for a good companion, confidante and father who shared 45 years of life together. And something she had said became deeply entrenched in my heart... "I don''t understand why but I know and trust that it's God's will and therefore I know that this is God's timing for him to be called home". And it was not her strength which has spoken to me but the peace I sensed, genuine peace, which demonstrated to me how she has really trusted the Lord even through this circumstance. And thank God because halfway through the wake service, we received news that Singapore Airlines has managed to secure places for our late commander, his wife and an accompanying officer for them to travel back to UK to be with their family. 

Light Amidst Darkness

So while it was an emotion-filled week, it was also a positive week where God shined through... I like what Lydia shared during cell yesterday of her revelation from Psalm 23:4...

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

... that with every shadow, there is light. And so even amidst all the negativity, something positive came out for me too as I saw God at work.

"I shall not be in want"

But God did not stop there and continue to speak to me, both to me as a child and I also believe to all in the cell. Throughout the week, God continued to speak to me on this theme of Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." Through my quiet time throughout the week, God brought me to various passages everyday and spoke about being contented in Him and keeping kingdom perspective. Many a times, we get so caught up with our perspective of things of the world, we lose sight of things of God. 

In quiet time yesterday, I read from Mark 8:33 when Jesus rebuked Peter after he rebuke Jesus for speaking about what is to happen to himself; rejected, killed and that He will rise again after 3 days. And Jesus spoke these words "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men". God later sent a colleague to come to me with a verse from Matthew 6:19-21:

Matthew 6:19-21

19. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

It is true that after so much have happened this week, I have come to realise that anything can happen anytime. We can plan all we want, just as my commander and his wife has planned to retire and return to UK in June to be with their family. But ultimately, we do not know what's going to happen next. And this fact that we may go home to be with the Lord anytime became even more real as I was working to "close the emotional chapter" on the demise of my late commander, only to come to hear of another case of the son of a another, barely 30 years old, found suddenly dead in his room.

As the Psalmist wrote, "the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want". Do you truly believe in this verse and that the Lord knows what you need? Do you trust the Lord? As I reflect upon my episode on Sunday when I told God I can no longer trust in Him, I come to realise that the loss of faith and trust came not as a result that God is unfaithful etc. Someone at the funeral had mentioned that God is too wise and righteous to be wrong, too faithful to be unfaithful. But it lies with our contentment in the Lord and many a times how we have desired what the Lord has not intended for and yet feel annoyed, frustrated and angry with the Lord. The Lord ask us to keep our kingdom perspective of eternity and to trust in Him that He is the Almighty God. There are many things that we may not understand but He is always there in control and He has His plans for you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

11. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Psalm 91: 1-2, 4, 14-15

1. He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

4. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

14.  "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

Isaiah 55:8-9

8. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

The Lord Holds You and Your Life

Even as I read from Ruth today, I am reminded about Naomi and the Lord's hand upon her and her life. She had lost both her husband and sons and was bitter, not knowing that the Lord has His plans for her. 

Ruth 1:20-21

"Don't call me Naomi (meaning pleasant)," she told them. "Call me Mara (meaning bitter), because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. 21. I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me". 

But little does she knows that Ruth would be a blessing to her, as they seek to survive, and will also be the blessed line where the Messiah Jesus would ultimately come from. 

Ruth 2:17-18

So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah. She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough.

Yet Another Lesson in Trusting in the Lord

In fact, just another interesting point to note: I had initially been in a frenzy because God has spoken to me so clearly and so much throughout the week, I was approaching cell not knowing how to proceed, lest it becomes a very heavy session with all the scriptures and thoughts. I was in a frenzy because I had not known how to organise and bring across what God has spoken to me. For a moment, I had not trusted God, until a colleague came to me with Isaiah 50:4:

Isaiah 50:4

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.

And as I reflect on last night and how God has given me to word and the prompting to speak the words, I thank Him and look back wondering why I had not trusted Him that He will be guiding the session. I thank God for that and for everyone of you who served and shared in love and edification. Thank you again.

In closing, I just want to encourage you with something from my devotion this week:

Psalm 91: 1-2, 4

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."... He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Ruth 2:12b

...May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.