I was doing my Quiet Time this morning and read from Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Then, at Chapel today, someone shared about about how God gave her peace during a time when both of her only children were down with Meningitis, one after another. The doctors gave a bad prognosis and that she will have to live with her children having brain damage. But through it all, she felt God's peace having seen and treasured up how God has worked in her life thus far. She got a prompting from God and was adamantly convinced that her children would be discharged out of hospital in 2 days. This, despite the nurse telling her she might be in hospital with them for the next 2 weeks and despite how the fever, instead of going down, went higher the next day morning. The miracle of it was that by afternoon, they were well and as God has promised, the children were discharged that very Friday, 2 days later. Hallelujah!
But a poignant question was asked: "What is Peace?"
The story was told how there was once a king who was troubled by the same question. Hence he arranged a contest and called forth the best artists in his land. When they gathered, he said to them “I want you to draw a painting that depicts peace”.
Many considered this as an easy task and immediately started painting. And when they finished, the king was called to inspect the paintings and pick the best among them.
The king inspected the first painting. It was of a lovely garden of flowers of different types and colors. Above the flowers was the blue sky lit by peaceful sunshine. Butterflies and birds went about joyfully in the painting. The artist who drew this said to the king “This is Peace”. The king was not satisfied and so he moved to inspect the next painting.
The next painting depicted people of different walks of life shaking hands and laughing merrily. The king was not satisfied. He moved on.
He came across many paintings but kept moving on until he came to a painting which was different from the other paintings.
In this painting there was great turbulence in the sea; waves were forcefully splashing on the banks and crashing into the rock walls of the cliffs by the shore. The sky was ominous, the lightning was cutting across the sky. But where's the peace? The king looked carefully and finally understood it all. In the midst of all this turmoil, there was a little boat in the midst of the ocean and far beyond it, one can see a little sunshine peeking out from a gap in the cloudy skies, shining on the boat and giving the boat enough light to move forward. The king paused at this drawing and he seemed satisfied.
Now, even though my colleague said that many have heard this story, this is the first time I hear this story and it did blessed me; a good reminder about God's peace.
My colleague went on to share that peace is not the absence of a storm but hope, peace and assurance that through it all, God is with us. He is our refuge and He will bring us through it all.
Many think that the Christian faith is about a life that is smooth-flowing. Yet we are not promised a life without storms. In fact we know that there is always the presence of evil in the world. But God has come to bring us peace in ourselves, with each other and with Him. We can overcome "because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27.
Only in Christ, can we have "Peace in the Midst of the Storm."
Even as I pondered and reflected on this, I felt prompted to pen this down and I hope it will bless you as it did bless me... Do you have the peace of God in your heart? If not, it is not too late to draw back to God. Or have you forgot about the peace of God in your life? He is shining His light on you and calling you to come into His refuge.
The time has come again when we are reminded of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and what He did for us.
And as I ponder on the reason for the season, I would never fail to remember a meaningful story I once read, I am the Cross, about the pain that Jesus bore for me.
This year, at staff chapel earlier, I am again reminded of the pain that Jesus bear, but this time, not only on the cross but when the pain starts being unbearable at the Garden of Gethsemane.
Matthew 26
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners.46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”
Someone was sharing in chapel from an article written by Max Lucado, The Passion, the Pain and the Promise, and I have come to realise how how Jesus loved us and how the battle for our lives between God and Satan was won, not on Calvary, but at the Garden itself, when Jesus painstakingly make the decision to die on the cross even, this even though when He could have walked away.
... History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan...
... And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday. And he is afraid...
... It will be the last time he sees them (His disciples) before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away. But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer..
... It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us...
... You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you....
... “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” (John 17)...
... As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer...
... His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see...
... we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer....
... The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane...
... For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
This is the love of Christ, the love of God, for you and for me...
I like one of the songs which expresses this in its wonderful simplicity; that He is above all but He chose death and thought of us above all...
ABOVE ALL
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Chorus:
Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
One of the songs sang during cell last week captivated me and may we never lose the wonder of the cross; remembering the meaning of the cross not only on Good Friday and Easter but every day of our lives:
It’s nearly midnight when they leave the upper room and descend through the streets of the city. They pass the Lower Pool and exit the Fountain Gate and walk out of Jerusalem. The roads are lined with the fires and tents of Passover pilgrims. Most are asleep, heavied with the evening meal. Those still awake think little of the band of men walking the chalky road.
They pass through the valley and ascend the path which will take them to Gethsemane. The road is steep so they stop to rest. Somewhere within the city walls the twelfth apostle darts down a street. His feet have been washed by the man he will betray. His heart has been claimed by the Evil One he has heard. He runs to find Caiaphas.
The final encounter of the battle has begun.
As Jesus looks at the city of Jerusalem, he sees what the disciples can’t. It is here, on the outskirts of Jerusalem, that the battle will end. He sees the staging of Satan. He sees the dashing of the demons. He sees the Evil One preparing for the final encounter. The enemy looks as a spectre over the hour. Satan, the host of hatred, has seized the heart of Judas and whispered in the ear of Caiaphas. Satan, the master of death, has opened the caverns and prepared to receive the source of light.
Hell is breaking loose.
History records it as the battle of the Jews against Jesus. It wasn’t. It was a battle of God against Satan.
And Jesus knew it. Jesus knew that before the war was over, he would be taken captive. He knew that before victory would come defeat. He knew that before the throne would come the cup. He knew that before the light of Sunday would come the blackness of Friday.
And he is afraid.
He turns and begins the final ascent into the garden. When he reaches the entry he stops and turns his eyes toward his circle of friends. It will be the last time he sees them before they abandon him. He knows what they will do when the soldiers come. He knows their betrayal is only minutes away.
But he doesn’t accuse. He doesn’t lecture. Instead, he prays. His last moments with his disciples are in prayer. And the words he speaks are as eternal as the stars which hear them.
Imagine, for a moment, yourself in this situation. Your final hour with a son about to be sent overseas. Your last moments with your dying spouse. One last visit with your parent. What do you say? What do you do? What words do you choose?
It’s worth noting that Jesus chose prayer. He chose to pray for us. “I pray for these men. But I am also praying for all people who will believe in me because of the teaching of these men. Father, I pray that all people who believe in me can be one . . . I pray that these people can also be one in us, so that the world will believe that you sent me.”
You need to note that in this final prayer, Jesus prayed for you. You need to underline in red and highlight in yellow his love: “I am also praying for all people who believe in me because of the teaching.” That is you. As Jesus stepped into the garden, you were in his prayer.
As Jesus looked into heaven, you were in his vision. As Jesus dreamed of the day when we will be where he is, he saw you there. His final prayer was about you. His final pain was for you. His final passion was you. He then turns, steps into the garden, and invites Peter, James, and John to come. He tells them his soul is “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” and begins to pray. Never has he felt so alone. What must be done, only can he do. An angel can’t do it. No angel has the power to break open hell’s gates. A man can’t do it. No man has the purity to destroy sin’s claim. No force on earth can face the force of evil and win—except God. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” Jesus confesses. His humanity begged to be delivered from what his divinity could see. Jesus, the carpenter, implores. Jesus, the man, peers into the dark pit and begs, “Can’t there be another way?”
Did he know the answer before he asked the question? Did his human heart hope his heavenly father had found another way? We don’t know. But we do know he asked to get out. We do know he begged for an exit. We do know there was a time when if he could have, he would have turned his head back on the whole mess and gone away. But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t because he saw you. Right there in the middle of a world which isn’t fair. He saw you cast into a river of life which you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw with a body which gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your Garden of Gethsemane—and he didn’t want you to be alone. He wanted you to know that he has been there, too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. He knows what it’s like to smell the stench of Satan. And, perhaps most of all, he knows what it’s like to beg God to change his mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly, “No.” For that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepts the answer.
At some moment during that midnight hour an angel of mercy comes over the weary body of the man in the garden. As he stands, the anguish is gone from his eyes. His fist will clench no more. His heart will fight no more. The battle is won. You may have thought it was won on Golgotha. It wasn’t. The final battle was won in Gethsemane. And the sign of conquest is Jesus at peace in the olive trees. For it was in the garden that he made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
Been thinking - Who we are today is largely determined by what we give entry into our lives. God made us wonderful biological life systems with choice. So we choose: positive & negative thoughts, love & unforgiveness, friends & influences, wholesome & flawed perspectives, emotions, decisions, food, exercise etc. All our choice & consequences will largely determine who we are today…
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. " (Romans 12:2)
Are we like the Pharisees and the religious leaders then who was rebuked by Jesus? Do we deprive others of the Kingdom of God? Do we bring it to others?
Matthew 9:10-13 (NIV)
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 23: 13 (NIV)
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.
2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV) Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Thanks for all your sharing yesterday in cell as we discussed about "The Compulsion for Completion". If you are unable to join us, here's a link to the video.
I really hope that this series on relationships will really bless you as it has blessed me, as it provides us with the opportunity and platform to reflect on our own relationships, gather some insights as well as help us further enhance our relationships. The following discussion is based on Dr Les and Leslie Parrott's book "Relationships".
What's the Big Deal with Relationships?
But before we begin, really, what's the big deal with relationships? I may not know, but if you ask me, I would guess that maybe books on relationships will never "go out of fashion" simply because we all know the fact that it is so real in our lives, something that we have to deal with every single day from the moment we get out of bed (if fact, relationships can even get to us even while we are still in bed thinking).
Of course, before we go on here, for clarity's sake, it would be good to define our scope of discussion. Just like how we went about yesterday's discussion, we clarified that we would be focusing here on human-to-human relationship and not relationships of "other kind", as we jokingly mentioned, to handbags or cars etc. And the relationships we would be referring to here is not just husband-wife relationships but relationships of all form, between parent and child, between friends, between us and colleagues and our superiors etc.
But really, if we were to ask this question: "What's the big deal with relationships?", what would your response be? Your response might include some, if not all or most of the following:
A Basic Need - We need relationships because no man's an island and in our basic make-up, we have a need for love, affection, sense of belonging and dependence on others;
God Commands Us - Relationships are important because we are commanded to "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39, NIV). Jesus further emphasized in John 13:34-35 (NIV) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Connection & Intimacy - We need relationships because it makes us human as we are able to connect with someone else, share our inner world and experience closeness and intimacy;
Companionship in Life - We need relationships because it makes the journey of life less lonely knowing that we journey together. As it is written in Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 (NIV):
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Continuity of this World - We need relationships because you can't imagine how we would be destroying ourselves if this world is full of hate of one another;
Complement & Completion - We need relationships because we feel that the other person would complement or even complete us;
Peace - Relationships are important because one can really be in turmoil when relationship goes foul;
Growth - We need relationships because it is through it that we can grow as we learn from others and also allow others the permission to speak into our lives, and
Learning to be Christ-like - Lastly, as I ponder about it, I seem to also realise how we need relationships because, how else can we learn to be Christ-like except through learning to relate and love God's people, even though how imperfect they may seem.
It was little wonder how during worship, I came to realise God's amazing love for us, even though we seem so unworthy, as we sang the song "Forever Reign":
You are good, You are good... When there's nothing good in me...
You are hope, You are hope...You have covered all my sin...
You are true, You are true... Even in my wandering
You are here, You are here... In Your presence I'm made whole
The Compulsion VS Desire for Completion
But even as we inspect the list of reasons why relationship may be important to us, there is one which we focused on yesterday, about the compulsion for completion.
As Trina has shared yesterday, there is nothing wrong having the desire to be complete because it is good to want to be complete. But when it becomes a compulsion, so much so we start grabbing on everything except the right source to complete us, it becomes a problem. In the video, Dr Les and Leslie Parrott mentioned if we try to build intimacy with somebody else BEFORE we have done the hard work of getting whole on our own, all our relationships will be an attempt to complete ourselves and they will fall flat. Now read that again to see if you get it.
The Compulsive Self-Talk Within
Do you know that we are talking to ourselves every single moment in our mind, making statements, asking questions and even making evaluations of ourselves and others. Psychologists, counsellors and social workers would call this "self-talk". And in this compulsion, it's kind of like saying to yourself "I'll feel more as a person when..." and you can fill this blank. And this continuation can be "... people praise me" or "I am around this person", kind of like Anne in the video.
Now, as we discussed yesterday, there is nothing wrong with e.g. wanting affirmation from our bosses for hard work done but it becomes a problem when our sense of worth, identity and significance rest solely on that. It is like our self worth will fluctuate up and down depending on our bosses' mood that day and if he would or would not praise us. There is nothing wrong from wanting to please our loved ones, but when we go all out to do that just to feel more complete/significant as a person, then it might be a sign of something that needs fixing.
This is a different issue from just being different and complementing one another e.g. how one person is more meticulous while another is creative and how they can work together. Rather it is about the compulsion in us that focuses on completion via another rather than a healthy belief on how others can complement us. In a complementing relationship, I would guess that a person's world may not crumble when the other person exits as much than in a "compulsion for completion" relationship.
I am kind of reminded once again of a struggle that I have for a long time, but to a lesser degree now. For many years, I built my life and my significance on affirmations and praises from others and this carried on for many years. But one day, God knows that it was not getting healthy for me and so came a trial where everything came crashing down within the same period. It was a painful lesson but yet, I am able to come to realisation and even in the process came back to the Lord because of it. Though I have yet to completely overcome it, with little bouts of attack now and then in my relationships, work and even ministry, I am more in tune with this kind of self-talk and know that I can build my sense of worth on someone greater and eternal, God. In recent years, I have also come to realise how God can also do His restorative work in this area, through His church, His community, the spiritual family He has given us. Yes, this community is made up of imperfect people but let's also remember that this community is also made up of people who love God and His people and who would offer of themselves and their life experiences and giftings; allowing God to work in and through them.
The A-Frame Relationship
Perhaps, an illustration would help here. I kind of like the "A-frame relationship" analogy used by Dr Parrott to illustrate this. In trying to find a good image, I kind of like the following image I found on the net which kinds of say it all:
You can hear him speak about the "A-Frame Relationship" in a video here, taken from his website.
Out of this interesting illustration, something did hit me: Your relationships can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in them.
The Compulsive Need to be Needed
And in such a relationship, as there are two sides of an "A", so there could also be 2 lies/erroneous self-talk in it. One, the lie that "I NEED this person to be COMPLETE" is already covered quite substantially here. But yet, there is also another possible lie, which I do sometimes also encounter in my line of work with some volunteer and this is the lie that "If this person needs ME, I will be COMPLETE". Again, there is nothing wrong in wanting to feel that one has significance but when it goes to the other extreme where it becomes a strong need or compulsion for completion via this lie, then again, it would not be healthy.
Reviewing our Relationships
I believe that many of us may need to review our relationships to see if we have either of these lies in them. Being in an "A-frame" relationship not only is unstable but may also, as I ponder, provide the lack of motivation for us to grow as a person since we are "completed" momentarily; there is just no impetus to address parts of us that needs addressing. I would think that we should always be on the lookout for relationships where we will not compulsively need that person but yet can be challenged to grow as a person.
Working Towards Wholeness
Each of our journeys to wholeness is unique but in the video Drs Parrott suggests 4 principles to working towards wholeness...
Heal our hurts
I would believe none of us are without hurts. Big or small hurts, we can perhaps remember someone who has hurted us in the past, either intentionally or unintentionally.
And yet, we know that we are to forgive and such reminders can be found all throughout the bible. But none can say it better than Colossians 3:13 (NIV) "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.".
No one says that forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness is not condoning what was done. It is going to take some time and also strength from God. As Benny Ho mentioned, forgiveness is a "willing not a feeling". I can't imagine God forgiving us based on His feelings. But no! He is willing to forgive us as we confess our sins and repent.
In the same way, I guess the first step is a willingness to forgive; to refuse to let ourselves be trapped by our hurts and release ourselves from the pain, all with the help of God. Go on, do it for yourself, if not for the person. And yes, sometimes the hurt and hate comes back to haunt us again and again, much like a video playback in our minds, sometimes even with surround sound! And that's all the more we need God to help us go through it.
I am reminded of the story of Corrie Ten Boom who lost her beloved sister in WWII after being tormented in a German concentration camp. And yet, in 1947, when she was speaking on God's forgiveness in Munich, she was presented the circumstance where she was approached by a man, who she recognised was one of the guards who mistreated her and her sister, asking for her forgiveness. You can read more in the article "How can I Forgive?". What would you do if you were presented with a "Corrie Ten Boom" moment today?
It's interesting how God showed me this valuable lesson just yesterday, before cell, when I was approached by an auditor from my funding organisation to audit me. But I found myself in a "Corrie Ten Boom" situation because this was the very person who I felt backstabbed me during my attachment many years ago. I was still concerned how I would behave towards her when she comes. Will it be awkward? Will I be phoney? But thank God, that I was able to just interact with her and talk to her naturally and it seemed mutual. Did I have the ability to do it? I think not and I only can thank God for that. But yet, I am reminded how I have other hurts, some as recent as weeks ago, which I need to deal with, even though I am not very willing.
Do you have a hurt which is holding you back from the life that God has for you? Do you have a hurt which keeps playing back and it seems so difficult to shake off? Then take this time to pray and commit it to God, because you cannot do it on your own. If not dealt with, you will continue your life with this sting holding you back in your relationships, waiting to be triggered again and again. And it will not be surprising how the same unresolved hurt will keep resurfacing and repeating itself again and again.
Remove Your Masks
I choose to believe that no one intentionally puts on a mask. Masks might be a way to make ourselves feel better as we project a self which is not our real self and try our best to keep up that pretense. And yet, this could be an attempt to again complete ourselves because we feel we need to be that self to be accepted. It might be caused by our upbringing or even past hurts where we are taught that it is a mistake to be real because we become vulnerable.
But think about it, what's the effect of this coping mechanism? I can only think how relationships in such a life can be rather shallow because effort is just sent on keeping the alternative persona(s) rather than on building deep relationships. And it is tiring. It is also very difficult to have deep relationships because people will sooner or later come to realise how your real self is just so incongruent with the projected self and may just feel disappointed, threatened and distance themselves. Even if someone comes along and wants to get to know the real you, they will eventually give up if the pretense continues. The result is often confusion, frustration with the lack of deep relationships, tiredness and even possible bitterness with how things always turn out.
Sit in the Driver's Seat
The next thing Drs Parrott suggest is to take the driver's seat. It's easy to be passive and to move through life forever reacting to circumstances. But, if we are to want to turn things around, we need to be proactive and start doing something about it ourselves, even to seek out help e.g. with a pastor, with healing and wholeness, share with our PAP (Prayer & Accountability Partners) and allowing them to speak into our lives without being too defensive, recognising that it is shared in good faith to help us grow. Sitting down to watch a film, reading a book, attending a seminar, listening to a sermon and seeing a therapist are good, but it is not going to help until we do the hard work of being whole.
Rely on God
But ultimately, rely on God because only God can meet our ultimate needs, not anyone else. No one can ever fill all our needs except for God. I do feel it's good here to qualify that needs are different from wants, or so we learnt in foundational social work studies in university. Many things which we feel are our needs are actually our wants; we won't die if we do not have it. But yet, there are things which we need and God, who created us, knows us and what we need. I like something written in the leader's guide for this session: "Only God can ultimately and consistently love us when we are moody, when we make mistakes, and when we feel rejected and unloved by the person we counted on the most".
And here is Dr Leslie Parrott with "one lesson to transform every relationships":
My prayer for you, as I prepared for the session yesterday is this, uttered by Paul in Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV) "(so that) Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. "
I pray that (i) not only will Christ dwell in you, (ii) that you will come to realise how wide, long and high and deep He loves you, (iii) that you have power as you are together with God's people and (iv) be filled with all the FULLNESS of God. Only when you realise how you are so loved by God that you will have this profound sense of significance. Only God can complete you and give you to power to be filled to His completion. So where are you looking for completion?
I sincerely pray that may what has been written be not of just human wisdom, but that it will go forth in God's power to change your life and many others as He inspires me to write this. Take care and God bless you!
I know God knows what's best.
I know I don't.
I know he cares.
Such words come easily when the water is calm. But when you're looking at a wrecked car or a suspicious-looking mole, when war breaks out or thieves break in, do you trust him?
Scripture, from Old Testament to New, from prophets to poets to preachers, renders one unanimous chorus: God directs the affairs of humanity. No leaf falls without God's knowledge. No dolphin gives birth without his permission. No wave crashes on the shore apart from his calculation. God has never been surprised. Not once.
I am the one who creates the light and makes the darkness. I am the one who sends good times and bad times. I, the Lord, am the one who does these things. (Isa. 45:7)
Some find the thought impossible to accept. One dear woman did. After I shared these ideas in a public setting, she asked to speak with me. Husband at her side, she related the story of her horrible childhood. First abused, then abandoned by her father. Unimaginable and undeserved hurts scar her early memories. Through tear-filled eyes she asked, "Do you mean to tell me God was watching the whole time?"
The question vibrated in the room. I shifted in my chair and answered, "Yes, he was. I don't know why he allowed your abuse, but I do know this. He loves you and hurts with you." She didn't like the answer. But dare we say anything else? Dare we suggest that God dozed off? Abandoned his post? That heaven sees but can't act? That our Father is kind but not strong, or strong but doesn't care?
I wish she could have spoken to Joseph. His brothers abused him, selling him into slavery. Was God watching? Yes. And our sovereign God used their rebellious hearts to save a nation from famine and the family of the Messiah from extinction. As Joseph told them, "God turned into good what you meant for evil" (Gen. 50:20).
Best of all would have been a conversation with Jesus himself. He begged God for a different itinerary: a crossless death. From Gethsemane's garden Christ pleaded for a Plan B. Redemption with no nails. " 'Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.' Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him" (Luke 22:42-43).
Did God hear the prayer of his Son? Enough to send an angel. Did God spare his Son from death? No. The glory of God outranked the comfort of Christ. So Christ suffered, and God's grace was displayed and deployed.
Are you called to endure a Gethsemane season? Have you "been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake" (Phil. 1:29 NASB)?
If so, then come thirsty and drink deeply from his lordship. He authors all itineraries. He knows what is best. No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission. What encouragement this brings! You are never the victim of nature or the prey of fate. Chance is eliminated. You are more than a weather vane whipped about by the winds of fortune. Would God truly abandon you to the whims of drug-crazed thieves, greedy corporate raiders, or evil leaders? Perish the thought!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God.
(Isa. 43:2-3 NASB)
We live beneath the protective palm of a sovereign King who superintends every circumstance of our lives and delights in doing us good.
Nothing comes your way that has not first passed through the filter of his love.
Learn well the song of sovereignty: I know God knows what's best.Pray humbly the prayer of trust: "I trust your lordship. I belong to you. Nothing comes to me that hasn't passed through you."
A word of caution: the doctrine of sovereignty challenges us. Study it gradually. Don't share it capriciously. When someone you love faces adversity, don't insensitively declare, "God is in control." A cavalier tone can eclipse the right truth. Be careful.
And be encouraged. God's ways are always right. They may not make sense to us. They may be mysterious, inexplicable, difficult, and even painful. But they are right. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" (Rom. 8:28).
In the 4 weeks while the EA Pulpit series touches on Family and Marriage, ONELife will be having 2 weeks of discussions on building a healthy self for lasting relationships in their cell meetings. It will be a DVD cum discussion approach.
Week of Feb 7-11 – “The Compulsion for Completion”
All of us have a tendency to shortcut to personal wholeness by looking to others to complete us. We think “If I find the right person, my life will be complete”. This discussion will look at what it means to develop personal wholeness
Week of Feb 14-18 – “Keeping Family ties from Pulling Strings’
Our biological families influenced the way we relate to others. How much do we bring them into our relationships? What should we change and what should we keep?
If you are a Young working adult in your 20s and early 30s and are not currently in any cell, you are welcome to visit one of the ONELife cells for this discussion series. Please go to the Cell Connection Counter today and sign up and one of the ONELife leader will get in touch with you.
And also a reminder that Relationship Conference “The Right Combination” is on Feb 26, 9am – 2pm. You can register online at http://elife.riverlife.org.sg/weblink/therightcombination/intro.htm or sign up at the Conference booth in the atrium.
"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer."
Psalm 4:1 (NIV)
Devotion: "Ughhh!" I sighed as the telephone rang that morning...again. My frustration mounted as I replayed my morning's activities thus far in my mind.
I'd already answered a phone call from church, one from my son's teacher and yet another one from my other son's coach. I'd chatted with my hairdresser and made an appointment with the dentist, among about a half-dozen more connections that had to be made by phone. And it wasn't even noon yet!
My mind pondered as my heart began to race. "When am I ever going to get to the bottom of my never-ending "to do" list?"
I glanced at my caller ID to see who it was this time. The number flashing on my phone was a familiar one; that of my father. He is a retiree who has a great love for his grandkids and lots of time on his hands. I reasoned, since his schedule isn't nearly as full as mine, that I could call him back later at a time more convenient for me. So I ignored his call and turned my attention to my list.
On it were many tasks; some noble, some mundane. Normal errands such as "Pick up bread and milk" "Return library books" or "Fill car up with gas." But there were important items too like call a relative who was struggling with depression and ask the neighbor next door, who'd just had surgery, if he'd like our family to mow his lawn. There were even kingdom-building, ministry activities; finish my Bible study lesson and pray for a friend's operation taking place later that day.
Yes, my day was full; full of people and purpose. Why then did I feel so empty?
My thoughts returned to the call from my father. How many times had I ignored his calls, reasoning that, since his life as a retiree wasn't packed with activity, I could easily chat with him at a later time? But the reality of my hectic schedule, along with other relationship commitments, often meant that connecting with my father took a nearly permanent place on the back burner of life.
He was waiting; I was ignoring. I refused to return his call. And our relationship was at risk of suffering because of it.
It isn't just earthy fathers that sometimes get ignored. How many times have we "ignored" our Heavenly Father because of our screaming schedule and earthly relationship demands? Even though our lives may be full of good and "God" things—duties at church, connections with people—oft times we are so busy serving God and loving it, that we don't make time to actually love the God that we serve.
Today's key verse paints a picture of our loving God who is never too busy to answer us when we call. And He not only hears and answers, He gives us relief from our distress—even the too-busy-for-my-own-good kind of distress. The problem in our connection lies with us. He is calling. We ignore. And then, we don't bother returning His call.
Thankfully, God never gets tired of hitting or answering a "redial." He is waiting and longing, as He always has been, to have a deep, intimate relationship connection with us; one that requires we make one simple switch: We put Him at the top of our "to do" and our "must call" lists.
He is willing to answer, if only we will call.
Dear Lord, forgive me for ignoring Your calls to come and connect with You, free from any distractions. I'm ready now. Speak. I'm listening. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?
For more on this topic and a Jesus Calling basket giveaway, visit Karen's blog Living Life on Purpose by Lysa TerKeurst Rest Assured: Devotions for Souls in a Restless World by Nancy McGuirk
When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity! Your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can't compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!
Application Steps: When it comes to carving out time to spend with God, do you:
a. Consistently make it a high priority
b. Have great intentions of doing it but often get sidetracked by life
c. Fit it in when you feel like it or happen to "find time"
d. Don't really have any plan for connecting one-on-one with God
Take action this week to get God off the back burner and into the forefront of your life.
Reflections: Have I ever scheduled an "appointment with God," just as I would with a business contact, doctor, or friend? How could that help me in my quest to grow in relationship Him?
Power Verses: Psalm 91:14-16: "The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.'" (NLT)
This is a very beautiful Chinese Worship song yet so simple, close your eyes to listen to the music and every words in this song, you will find yourself very touched and really want to worship the Lord wholeheartedly and make it your personal prayers that indeed the Lord satisfy your heart desires and he will be the only source of joy in your life!
Praying In Need May you be blessed by this reading today. Are you in need today? Are you willing to open your life to God's amazing grace today and to the community of believers where we can experience God's unconditional love and grace together?
Suggested Bible Reading
Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise. Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise them up; and anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. Elijah was a human being like us, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain and the earth yielded its harvest.
-James 5:13-18 (NRSV)
Today's Scripture
Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord.
-James 5:14 (NRSV)
SOME years ago, our congregation began offering anointing with oil and prayers for healing for those in our community. At first people were hesitant to ask for prayer or to come forward to receive anointing for physical, emotional, or relational scars. But in time these healing services became very important to our congregation. Now it is not uncommon for dozens of people to seek healing and prayer.
We easily forget that all of us are broken people. Each of us has needs that may require God's healing touch or the support of a caring community. Indeed, great things happen when we open our lives to God's amazing grace. Consider your life today. Where are you in need? What prayers for yourself, your family, or for others do you need to offer?
Christianity is not a solitary faith for only the strong but a bond that calls us to pray for one another in our infirmities and our need. And often, in our weakness, we discover the strength of God.
Todd Outcalt (Indiana, USA)
Prayer Dear Lord, make us instruments of your peace and healing. Where we are weak, make us strong. Where we are wounded, heal us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Some of the takeaway from my Trekking at the Mossy Forest at Cameron Highland that is very relevant for our spiritual growth as I reflected: 1）Courage: to me it means having the willingness and courage to put ourselves in environment that is conducive for faith and spiritual growth developing, that will challenge us even as our deepest fears are confronted. This take place when we are willing to take up the challenge even as before we start the trekking, the sight before us seems really challenging, the uneven grounds and steepness of the slope, many of us are afraid. 2)Faith to take up the first step though there are many more steps to go. 3)One small step at a time-learn to take small steps of faith in our journey. many a times, our journey as a Christian is often involving small steps of faith, one day at a time. This is also something that please God. 4)Taking a plunge in life, there are some very muddy patches that requires us to cross over which symbolize there are times in life when we may need to make that big decision in life-that require faith and God to guide us in the process. 5)Sometimes we may get our shoes and pants dirty in the mud-sometimes we may make mistakes in life which often leave a scar in our life. But whats most important is not to look back which we often do but be brave to move on in life and embrace God's purposes and destiny for our individual life. 6) Sensitivity to the environment: some of the trek requires us to bend or even sit so that we can cross the obstacles and challenges of the treks. Some of it requires us to hold on to the branches for balance but look up for some of the branches that may contain thorns. To me this also means the sensitivity to the Holy Spirit in our daily living. 7) We need to learn to be teachable-learn from others who had faced similar obstacles or problems. We will be able to manage better when our turn comes to face the same obstacle in life. 8) Willing to receive help. The organizer raised his hands in vertical form for those who maybe on the verge of fall. This point to me that help is always available in our life, and there are times we must acknowledge we are really weak in our own human efforts and we need help from God in his words as well as from our spiritual family-community of believers 9) Finally we need to function as a group together in this trek. Therefore we go together as a group, no one is left behind or being alone in this journey. This is very much like the community living for us believers, the care and love for each other does not allow us to just leave the other one behind for our own glory and agenda in life.
2010 has been a year with many life moments together. This year, we have seen 1 wedding, new births, 2 full month celebrations, outings, birthday celebrations, spending festive seasons together, having fun, praying for one another. Here's a pictorial review of the year we have spent together :D
I went for a run today at East Coast Park today, I had to really thank God for the good weather and the haze seems to be gone despite the gloomy look just days ago. I am also thankful for being able to complete the 10 km run today at East Coast Park without much stopping and the pace is quite good today too. As I was running I thought of the song "I will run to you" again which we sang during church service, reminding me this is a personal journey and race with God. I really hope all of us (including myself) will persevere in the race with our Lord and run to God on a daily basis, to his words of truth despite the challenges in life. May the song minister to you today!
Your eye is on the sparrow And Your hand, it comforts me ...From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart Let Your mercy and strength be seen
You call me to Your purpose As angels understand For Your glory, may You draw all men As Your love and grace demand
And I will run to You To Your words of truth Not by might, not by power But by the spirit of God Yes I will run the race 'Till I see Your face Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace
For the past few weeks, I have been pondering how to work with at-risk youths, as God called me to my current new role here, working with at-risk youths; something which is very new to me. Following home visits, God has helped me to see a side which I never have expected to; how both youths and their parents are usually people who are hurting in their own ways. Similarly, I have recently also been asking God how I can increase in my capacity to work alongside with people to facilitate restoration and healing in ministry.
I thank God for an answered prayer as He brought me to Borders yesterday, since I had time to spare in between a planning retreat and another appointment. I had just intended to just go and just browse some books but had never thought that I would be blessed by finding a book, that helped me answered both my questions above and yet also teach me something about a spiritual matter I have been wanting to get some insights on.
As I browsed the shelves of Borders, God brought me to a book that looked old and dated; a book with a cover that had some defects as well. But the title caught my attention: "Changes that Heal" by Dr Henry Cloud. I picked up the book and started reading there and found myself getting quite a lot from the initial few chapters.
The first chapter spoke about how in wanting to help others to be helped in a sustained manner and to grow into the person who God has intended him/her to be, we need to first examine and understand two major qualities of God's character: Grace and Truth. The book started with an unlikely but powerful story which really sets one thinking about our view of God.
Once upon a time in a faraway galaxy, there was a highly advanced people. They had everything they could ever desire: technology to solve every problem, and more leisure than we get in a life time. But they were bored. Bored to tears. They needed something new-something exciting-to liven up their planet.
A committee was established to look into the matter. They discussed coming up with a new sport. Or developing a new amusement park. Finally, an alien named Beezy proposed the winning idea. "How about creating a god?" he suggested.
Everyone agreed it was a wonderful idea. "It will give our people something to do Sunday," one said. "And it will be great for conversations," said another.
So they tried to invent a god. But to no avail. Beezy, who had been placed in charge of the research and development of a new god, called the committee members together.
"Look, this just isn't working," he said. "What good is a god we can invent ourselves? We're smart enough to know that's not a real god. Why don't we find us a god instead--like the God the earthlings worship?"
The committee agreed, and soon afterward Beezy took a business trip to the Planet Earth. Under his invisible cloak, he visited dozens and dozens of churches and religious institutions. He took copious notes and spent hours writing up his report.
When he returned, the committee gathered, eager to hear of his findings. "Fellow aliens," he greeted them. "I have returned not with one god, but with two."
A gasp of astonishment rippled through the room. "The name of the first god, or should I say goddess, is Grace. A very attractive Goddess she is. She talked about love often. "Get along, be friends, be nice, she would say. 'And if you can't be good, I'll forgive you anyway." Beezy looked perplexed. "The only thing is, I'm not sure what she would forgive, since they didn't seem to have any rules to break."
Beezy went on. "I especially liked the things the followers of Grace did, like feeding poor people, and visiting prisoners in jail. However"--he shook his head--"these followers of grace seemed so lost. They kept doing the same bad things over and over, and they never seemed to know where they were going.
"Then there's the other god." Beezy took a deep breath. "This god is definitely a man, a his name is Truth. Truth is just as mean as Grace is nice. He kept telling the people all sorts of things about them that made them feel very bad, and his followers did the same thing. But there's a good side to Truth," Beezy reassured the committee. "He campaigns against some very nasty enemies, such as lying, cheating, adultery, abortion, and drunkenness. He's like a big religious street sweeper, sweeping away all his enemies. The only trouble is, he not only sweeps away bad things; he also sweeps away the people who do the bad things. As for the smiles you see on the followers of Grace--forget it. All Truth's followers do is scowl and scream."
Needless to say, after hearing Beezy report, the committee were ready to opt for the new amusement park because they didn't like either god. But Beezy had on last suggestion.
"We have all this wonderful technology for mixing repelling elements, like oil and water," he said. "How about if we try mixing Grace and Truth?"
As I read this part of the chapter, it forces me to think about how we view our God. Do we recognise the two aspects of God's character or do we just "invent" a god we are comfortable with, focusing only on one aspect?
With the first god of Grace, there is compassion and relationship and her followers did all kinds of loving things, both for one another and also for those in pain. The only problem is that they heard little truth spoken and keeps falling, again and again, into same old bad situations and patterns. They needed directions to prevent this from happening.
With the second god of Truth, the followers receive a lot of direction, knowing what if right and what is wrong, knowing what they can do and cannot do. The only problem is that the god "seems" uncaring and mean and not to care about the people who were violating the standards; wiping them out.
The fact is...
Our God is a God full of grace and truth (John 1:14) and grace and truth came through Jesus (John 1:16)
God gave us the truth in the form of the law which provided a blueprint of life to offer us guidelines and limits but
... no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. (Rom 3:19-20, NIV)
The law was added so that the trespass might increase.(Rom 5:20, NIV)
Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.(Rom 7:9-10, NIV)
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (Jam 2:10)
You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. (Gal 5:4)
God gives us Grace which is unmerited favour of God towards us because we have not earned it and do not deserve it; the unconditional love and acceptance God gave to us but
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!(Rom 6:15-16, NIV)
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious... those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.(Gal 5:19-21, NIV)
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature. (Gal 5:13, NIV)
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.(Col 3:5, NIV)
According to Henry Cloud, Truth without Grace is judgment and Grace without Truth is License (to sin). Both are essential as seen in John 8:3-11, where Jesus addressed the Pharisees who brought a woman caught in adultery and asked how she should be dealt with. Jesus showed grace and yet also emphasised the truth "Go now and leave your life of sin" (John 8:11).
In similar way, we will sometimes cross paths with hurting people in the body of Christ. But how do we work with them to help them be liberated and grow to be the person God intends him/her to be? Some of us may have experienced it ourselves or even seen how some would come from the angle and may say things like "they are in sin", "they don't have enough faith", "they are not obedient", "they don't spend enough time in the Word" etc, sort of like the friends of Job. According to Cloud, while they may contain some elements of truth, it does cause more pain; "the pain she originally had, plus the guilt over not being able to apply the answers she was given". If not handled well, those struggling would either learn to fake healing to remain in church or leave church, deciding their faith provides little solace. In the same reverse way, we have also heard know how grace without emphasis on the truth rarely helps, as in parenting. The bible does clearly says that:
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.(Proverbs 13:24)
"...because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son... God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. ." (Hebrews 12:6, 10-11)
"...because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. (Proverbs 3:12)
Grace and truth goes together in helping people we come across with to heal: an atmosphere of grace to help the hurting cope with guilt and shame and feel the love of God, beginning the process of healing and truth to help facilitate growth as we grow in Christ-likeness.
This is of course the part we play in extending a hand to those who need healing in the Lord and on the other end, whoever is receiving help from us would also need to respond by allowing the real self (rather than the portrayed front) to come forth to receive ministry. For some, it might take some time, a community and God for that to happen and for growth to take place, just as a plant takes time to grow. The plant needs to be anchored, rooted, receiving nutrients and it does not grow in a vacuum but receives sunlight and water from the outside, doing its part of photosynthesis to grow under the heavens.
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. (1 Corinthians 3:6)
I hope this would bless you as it blessed me in thinking how to go about blessing others. I believe God will bring into your path someone who you can help heal.
