Which Sorrow? My Testimony (Coming Out of Depression)

2 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV)

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

This morning, as I did my quiet time, I came across this passage. And it seems that God was trying to capture my attention as one part of the passage sprung out to me. As I read the verses again, I sensed God telling me that sorrow is always here with us, because we live in a fallen world and simply because we are created by Him to have emotions. No matter how much we try, even with our very best, to avoid sorrow and regardless of what others tell us about being able to escape sorrow when we choose to be happy, the truth is: sorrow is here to stay. And I am sure, as you are reading this, God may bring to mind periods where you have been through sorrow, over something which may have happened to you, over a loss or even over someone else. We need to face the truth and come to terms that sorrow is normal because we are just not robots with no emotions. The difference though is the kind of sorrow: Godly and worldly sorrow.

Some of you may not know but I have been battling with depression for the last few months. It has been a rough year since July 2011. The year saw me preparing for my wedding and renovations of our new home and being stressed out by all the decisions that need to be made for it, facing my dad’s diagnosis of advanced stage lung cancer in August 2011 and coupled with it, the uncertainty of how we are going to cope with it physically, emotionally and financially, striving to understand all the medical jargons being spewed out to me and trying to stand tall to make decisions about care plans for my dad and also for his treatment, shuttling to and from work and hospital to accompany my dad, facing the news of the death of my wife’s beloved grandfather, subsequently dealing with my unexpected but eventual departure of my dad due to pneumonia, facing news of my wife being diagnosed with large fibroids and requiring surgery, facing the unexpected and sudden death of my cousin who we have reconnected back just a few months back before my dad’s passing on and so on. And all this while, I was running low in my “tank” and on my strength while trying to cope with worrying and ministering to people in ministry, while trying to deal with past hurts in ministry and previous work stints, cope with work, worrying about health problems that surface one after another in the last few months and also negative thoughts in my mind that I am unworthy. Yes, by the time my cousin passed away suddenly in April 2012, I found myself starting to crumble under pressure. My depression was starting to worsen and I found myself being dazed, had no interest in anything, had an insatiable appetite, was quiet and at times and had wanted to even break down and cry when I am alone and outside. Life was getting too difficult to bear and even though I had no courage to commit suicide, I remember praying before sleep that God will just take me away in my sleep that I can be far away from all these. Have you felt this way before?

I asked God what have I done to have to go through all these? But even though with that being said, I still trusted God because He had seen me through many trials in the past before and has revealed Himself real as He worked in my life in many miraculous ways. Trust me, if you live my life, you will know what I mean. There are many miracles and blessings that just shows God is real. I held on to God and He continue to bring me much assurance of Him being with me.

And some of His assurances are captured in my thanksgiving journal, beginning at the church camp on 8 Jun 2012:

Even though with all the assurance, I did not quite understand why I was going through all these.

At first, I thought that it might have been spiritual attacks because just before my depression told a dive for the worse in end May when my cousin passed away suddenly, I received two unique experiences and knew that the Lord might be calling me to a greater works:

So, in my heart, up till the time of my first Healing & Wholeness session last Saturday (14 Jul), I had sensed that it might be spiritual attack from Satan.

However, as I read the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 above, I sensed that God is also telling me that He needed to work with me as a person to prepare me for greater works.

On 11 Jul 2012, I wrote these words in my devotional as God impressed on my heart that morning:

As I read it , yes, it does speak of abundant life in God in this fallen world, but more so, it made me realise that God was doing 2 things here to me: (1) Asking me to go back to the source of abundant life; Him and not anyone else and (2) Growing me as a person.

In fact, I have so focused on verse 2 about trials that I forgot about verses 3-4 which says: “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”.

And today, going back to 2 Corinthians 7:10-11, it is as if God bringing me full revelation of what He wanted me to learn and that sorrow has been but an instrument of perfecting me. Indeed, I felt spoken to that there are two kinds of sorrow: worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. One brings life and one brings death. Sorrow apart from God or worldly sorrow, can make us feel so hopeless and brings physically, spiritual and psychological death but godly sorrow drives us towards God, towards Hope.

Look at how the Message bible puts it:

Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.

I thank God that in my distress, I had not let go and continue to seek Him. And yes, surprising to some, God allows distress to sometimes bring us to our knees to come back to Him and rely on Him. And we HAVE the choice to turn our sorrow, which is unavoidable in life, to godly sorrow or worldly sorry. What is the Lord telling you in your sorrow?

I used to interpret verse 10 as only for those who have yet to know God, but today God shows me that, in fact, we all need to repent from our imperfect ways and when sorrows come into the picture, God can use it to turn us around.

I thank God for how He brought me back to Isaiah 41:9-10 just as I prepare to facilitate worship with Min Qin, Joyce and Joshua for the first time with the young adults in my church last Friday (13 Jul). God reminds me that I am in His hands. He had given me this verse a few years back when I was going through another rough patch, which I overcame and grown from it.

The Lord says (Isaiah 41:9-10 NIV):

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

How do I know that God has turned things around for me? Frankly, as I type this, I do not know what lies ahead me (no one knows) but then what surprised me is that how God quickly turned things around over just 2 hours. I had been depressed and getting increasingly depressed over the last 1 year but over just 2 hours at the Healing & Wholeness counselling session, God turned things around. It has to be God! And I know that God is holding my hand no matter what.

I leave the depression behind knowing and confirming once again God is real in my life and that I only need get my love and source of life from Him and not anyone else or anything else. I lost my dad but I now can rely on my Daddy God.

And so God says and reminds in closing:

2 Corinthians 7:11 (MSG)

And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart..

May this bless you and encourage you to look to God in your sorrow. Stop running away from sorrow but allow God to work in your sorrow as you turn your worldly sorrow into godly sorrow which brings hope.

The Source of Abundant Life

THE ABUNDANT LIFE

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (John 10:10 NKJV)

"John 10:10 also reminds us of how much God treasures His creation, in that Christ came so that man might experience abundant life."

THE TRIALS

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds (James 1:2 NIV)

PLAYGROUND OR BATTLEFIELD?

The verse says "whenever" not "if" we face trials. There is a certainty there is trials. As Christ followers, we need realize that this abundant life is lived in a real world filled with pain, rejection, and failure. Therefore, experiencing the abundant life God intends for us does not mean that our lives will be problem-free. On the contrary... the abundant life is the experience of God's love, forgiveness, peace and power in the midst of those problems. So it's not surprising, as to some, that it's a battlefield everyone of us, pre-believers included, need go through. The only difference is which kingdom are you in and who is your general leading you? It's a battlefield, not a playground.

WHERE TO BEGIN: THE SOURCE

And for those struggling with self esteem, like me, the reminder is that the biblical concept of it is not that one feel worthy or good but that of an accurate perception of ourselves based on God's truth. There's no need to prove ourselves. "We must understand this hunger for self worth is God-given and can only be satisfied by Him. Our self worth is not dependent on our ability to earn the fickle acceptance of people but rather it's true source is the love and acceptance of God. He created us. He alone knows how to fulfill all of our needs".

Go to the source.

Article inspired by "The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee

Seeing the Father's Heart

I have been ministered by this and it just blows my mind just thinking about it.

Do take some time to read it, whether you believe in God or not, to just understand how amazing the world we live in is:

Adapted from “Loved Like Never Before” by Ken Symington

• Sun: If earth was just 5% closer to the sun, the oceans would boil and waters evaporate; if it were 5% further away, the oceans would freeze
• Oceans: If the ocean were half the size, we would get 25% of our present rainfall; if it were only 1/8 larger, the annual rainfall would increase 400%, turning our planet into an uninhabitable swamp
• Water:  The earth’s oceans have salt in them enough to prevent the world from being encased in ice.
• Earth: The earth travels around the sun, giving us day and night; otherwise one side would have permanent light and the other side permanent darkness, and nothing could grow.
• Earth’s Rotation: If the rotation was much slower than it is, our days would be unbearably hot and our nights freezing cold.
• Moon: The moon’s size and thus its gravitational pull, in tandem with its distance from the earth, slows the earth’s spin down to liveable speed that permits life
• Earth’s Distance: The earth’s distance from the sun is 400 times the earth’s distance from the moon and the sun is 400 times the diameter of the moon; thus the sun and moon appear to be about the same size when viewed from the earth and this “coincidence” enable us to occasionally see total eclipse of the sun
• Jupiter: Positioned as a sort of meteorite vacuum cleaner; great protector where its strong gravitational pull draws toward itself meteorites that would otherwise damage or destroy earth.
• Earth’s Gravitational Pull: If earth was significantly smaller, gravity will be lesser and would not be capable of holding the atmosphere that is essential for breathing and also will not be able to protect us from the 25,000 meteors that burn up in the atmosphere over this planet every day; if the planet was twice as large, everything will weight eight times what it weighs today
• Fish: God can choose to fill the seas with one species of fish, say mackerel (look good, taste good and very easy to catch), but He chose the extravagant option and filled it with dolphins, whales, cod, halibut, marlin, wrasse, moray, eels, manta ray etc; 1,500 species of fish
• Animals: God can choose to fill the earth with one species of animal, say rabbit (cuddly, cute), but He chose the extravagant option and filled it with lions, giraffes, sheep, tigers, horses, camels, dogs, cats, elephants, buffalo, cows, anteaters, monkeys etc; 167 species in Africa alone.
  
• Birds: God can choose to bless the earth with one species of bird, say sparrows, but He chose the extravagant option and filled it with pelicans, eagles, canaries, ducks, ospreys, hummingbirds, swans, finches, rainbow lorikeets, king parrots, peacocks etc; almost 9000 species of birds.
• Trees: God can choose to bless the earth with one species of tree, say magnificent oak (tall, strong and superb for building with), but He chose the extravagant option and filled it with orange, apple, silver birch, gum, giant redwood etc; an estimate of 100,000 species of trees planted.
• Flowers: God could have created flowers and gave a nice shade of yellow, but He chose the extravagant option of giving us a estimated quarter of a million different flowering plants.
• Food: He gave tomatoes, bananas, potatoes, leeks, carrots, apples, garlic, chilli, sugar, lemon, thyme, salt and pepper; estimate more than 10,000 different herbs in the world.
• God is extravagantly generous.

Psalm 19:1 - The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.Whatever the “statistics”, this world is an amazingly crafted world that speaks of something that is more than “coincidence”

Then, here is the part which blows my mind: “Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;” (Genesis 1:26a)

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” (Genesis 2: 7)

• God did not ask “mother earth” to breathe life into His offspring nor did He ask the archangels Michael or Gabriel to breath life into His offspring but He Himself.
• Let’s better understand what this means.
• Just as parents would prepare the nursery with nice toys, nice wallpaper, cot, mattress for a much-wanted child, so did God prepare a extravagant earth for you, His most-wanted child and He wants you back to Him.

Be it whatever the statistics, the earth is an amazingly wonderfully crafted place that speaks of the existence of a God and this has been prepared as a “nursery” for His beloved child: you.

In “Language of God”, a book by Dr Francis Collins that I read some time ago, he made the case of how DNA gave us understanding of how amazing this world is. He was the Director of the Human Genome Project which mapped human DNA, and though was an atheist, he realised how DNA was strong arguments that there is a God, Who is able to engineer something so complex and yet amazing as the human DNA.

And the bible declares this: “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse” (Romans 1:20, NKJV)

God makes Himself visible in the things that are all around us. Take time to think and return to Him because He is a loving Heavenly Father.

And He has provided a way for you to come back to Him, amidst all the mess we have made, amidst all the sin which separates us from the holy God.

Know what is the basic message God wants to bring to us at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCMpeLNEA30


Once you have understood and want to come back to God, you can just receive Christ right now by faith through prayer:

Prayer is talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. The following is a suggested prayer:

"Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be."

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, then you can pray this prayer right now and Christ will come into your life, as He promised.

If you still would like to know about the Father’s love for you, see video at http://youtu.be/3GvY0X-bL_k


Now, if you have prayed the prayer and would allow God to now work in your life, share this with a close friend who is a Christian and who could help you align your life with God and help you grow in Him. It would be the best decision you can make in this life.

Be the Song You Are Meant to Be

Thanks to my sister for sharing this with me...

Yep, we are all a symphony written from above, written out of God's love.

Each of us have notes to play; we need to stay in tune and also in unison with fellow instruments.

We will then be a wonderful symphony that brings hope, comfort and warmth.

And yes, the less I get in the way, thinking I know best, the more God can let the music play.

Be the best song you are meant to be...

YOUR SONG
Music and Lyrics by Corrinne May, ‘Crooked Lines’ 2012

Silent, wordless
Everything was still
You breathed us, yearned for us
Our hearts began to thrill
A brand new creation
A symphony
Written from above
Written out of Love

Chorus:
Let me be Your instrument
Let me be Your voice
Let me be the reservoir
Where thirsty hearts rejoice
Let me be the hand
That wipes the tears away
Oh Lord,
If it be Your will
Let me be Your Song

A violin, a piano
Each one has a role
Major or minor
Or just a single note
So take the time to stay in tune
Cause we’ll never know
When we’re called to play
It could be today



A song of hope for the hopeless
A song of comfort for the pain
A song that warms the frozen heart that
It might beat again

For what am I but a single breath
That only You sustain
The less I get in the way,
The more the Master can let the music play

God's Love Letter To You, Yes, You

Hi everyone, if you ever wonder if there is a God and what He thinks about you, well, it has never been a secret, just that we have not come to read His thoughts for us... Here's His love letter to you, yes, unmistakably you... It blessed me and hope it blesses you too.

Courgeous Movie: Gun Range

Just watched courageous.

To all dads and future dads, you have an anointed role in the life of your children to NOT mess up their lives.

Also, our Heavenly Father does not want to see us mess up our lives...

We will all see Him face to face and that is where we will be judged. 

11 Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away. And there was found no place for them. 12 And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. 13 The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works. 14 Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. 15 And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire. (Revelations: 20: 11-15, NKJV)

He is the good Judge. Think His judgment will be based on the weighing of our goods over bad to see if we are saved for heaven? Think again.

If any of you are keen, do contact me... 

What's Your Citizenship?

Hi everyone,

Felt ministered to as I read from Romans so sharing it here:

Romans 5

Like in "The Matrix", there are 2 parallel world we live in: 

1. World of darkness where sin reigns through disobedience of God which ultimately brings us God's wrath and Death (worldly & eternal life without God), and 

2. World of light where righteousness reigns through obedience of God which ultimately pleases God and brings life (meaningful, purposeful and full worldly life & eternal life with God). 

But then God loves us so much that He first gave us the Law; like glasses it helps us to see clearly what is right and what is not. Because it is only when law is given that it becomes clear what is lawful and what is not. One thing leads to another; God's law clarifies where we are and starts to stirs in us to seek the parallel world and points us to the solution: Jesus Christ. He, who is sinless, came and stood in the gap between the 2 worlds that we might cross the border. 

As Romans 5:20 states that as law causes sin to abound, so does it in turn causes grace to abound. Without the law we won't know we are sinful and if we do not know we are sinful we do not know we need grace from God because, there is nothing we can do to run away from judgment and condemnation from the Judge. 

So through believing in Jesus Christ, we receive the "visa" to enter and also "citizenship" to be and enjoy the privileges of God's world; the Kingdom of light where God and all His good things are. 

But Romans 6 later also remind us that since we are now citizens of the Kingdom of light, we cannot hold two citizenships or obtain visa to go back down. 

Where are you now? Are you in the world of darkness going around lost and lamenting? If so, a new citizenship is offered to you. 

Are you in the Kingdom of light but take trips to the other kingdom once in a while? If so, you are reminded that you hold but one citizenship and should not mock it.

Min Qin's Testimony

… a new posting and sudden change of working environment in June 2011 after my advanced diploma in gerontology nursing, yet it’s a place where the harvest is plentiful and where I see my calling to be… news of my father-in-law bring diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in October 2011, yet after a good battle with the illness, he went home to be with the Lord in early February 2012… a farewell to my beloved Grandpa in Hong Kong as he went home to be with the Lord peacefully in his sleep just a month before my wedding, but not before the Holy Spirit giving me promptings so I was able to talk with him the day before he left …… busy preparations for my wedding in November 2011 and saw how everything just fall into place so wonderfully, with the help of all our family members, cell members, church friends, colleagues and friends… being diagnosed with having a 10.5cm diameter fibroid in my uterus in October 2011 but yet received much peace and joy from the Lord, successfully went through my first operation in April 2012 to have the 11.5cm diameter fibroid removed with much success and without much complications and also receiving a speedy recovery from the Lord now…That’s my  life in the last few months! 

I m truly grateful and am filled with thankfulness for all that God has done in my life!

MY WORK

Praise God that I graduated from the advance diploma in gerontology nursing on 10 June 2011.

With 5 distinctions, 2 As and 2 B+, this has been the best grades and achievement I have gotten in all my life of studies thus far. I still remember how  I was having a terrible running nose and fever on my last day of my exam and could not remember much what I wrote on my exam script. But when the results were released, I remember being filled with great joy as I come to realize that I scored a distinction. I know that this marvelous achievement has not been by my own strength but that God has truly been with me and has led me on.

On 13 June 2011, I was informed to report at another clinic and to serve my 2 years bond. Initially, I felt a bit disappointed as my former workplace was just 4 bus-stop from my home and, apart from that, I knew that going to a new working environment, I will have to readapt to a new culture and rebuild new relationships. But, just as I was making my way to my new workplace, I uttered a prayer and surrendered my work into God’s hands. He then convicted me with Jeremiah 29:11, reminded me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

Over a period of 10 months, I developed strong relationships with my new colleagues and saw how God has placed me in this place where I could be a blessing to my colleagues and my clients. I also discovered that this place is a fertile field where the harvest is plentiful and I was affirmed, through many circumstances, to be called to station in this place for this season.

With the Holy Spirit’s prompting in April 2012, I used the Evangelism Explosion tool and skills which I have learnt from the course and reaffirmed the salvation of a colleague of mine, whom I have been praying for 9 months. Hallelujah!

I believe that more will come to receive their salvation very soon. My motivation to go to work every day is to save 1 more for Jesus!

MY FATHER-IN-LAW

My father-in-law (Mr. Eddy) was diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in October 2011 and after fighting a good battle with the illness, he went home to be with the Lord in early February 2012.

I thank God for how He has given me an opportunity to interact and know my father-in-law during chats and visits. Though just a brief period, I felt that I have known him for long. We spent time together, having ‘makan’ and he would share with me his life and his past. He treated me like his own daughter and I feel very comfortable and loved by him.

I also thank God that I was also able to apply what I learnt in my nursing studies and understand the treatments offered and provided relevant information and support to my husband and his family in terms of treatments, medications and caregiving matters. And when my father-in-law went home to be with the Lord, 

I also thank God for the strength and wisdom as He guided me through in assisting and supporting James and his family in preparations for my father-in-law’s funeral.

I remember that just when I needed strength to move on during that period, God provided it and helped me to carry on with my work everyday, sent people to pray alongside me, granted me peace and comfort in my heart and granted me wisdom in supporting James especially.

MY GRANDPA

My beloved grandpa in Hong Kong went home to be with the Lord peacefully in his sleep a month before my wedding and I really thank the Holy Spirit for giving me promptings to call my grandpa on Saturday afternoon (a day before he pass on) while I was making my way to the hospital to visit James’ dad. Though he conversed with me with a weak small voice, I could hear him call my name. I teared after talking to him as I missed him so much and I could sense that he might not live long. I quickly contacted my cousin who stayed with him to check on him and I even shared with my mum my plans to fly off to see him the next day.  Unfortunately, with a phone call from my aunt early next morning, I was awoken in cold sweats, and learnt from her my grandpa has just gone home to be with the Lord. I was devastated, the feeling was so painful and I cried myself to sleep.

Later that morning, I told myself that I will still go church to worship God even though my heart was still grieving badly for the loss of my grandpa  (he was closest to me among all the grandparents, and I always confide in him about many things in my life).  As I made my way to church, my tears would begin to flow whenever I think of him. As service began, and the worship leader led us in singing ‘Amazing grace’, my heart ached so badly I cried as I sing. But later as I cried, I asked God to heal my grief and allow me to trust in Him that grandpa is in a better place. I could remember every line of the lyrics of the song as the whole congregation sang graciously. When worship segment ended, I could feel deep comfort and God’s embrace around me.   

I am thankful that my new manager was understanding and granted me leave to fly back to Hong Kong for my grandpa’s funeral. Little did I expect, during the funeral, I was given opportunities to evangelize to my closest cousins, my aunt and uncle. Though they have yet to say the sinners’ prayer, I know that I have planted some seeds in them. I am still praying for their salvation and know that the day is approaching!

Even though I still feel a bit emotional now whenever I think of my grandpa, I am grateful that God has granted me a chance to talk to him the day before he left. I miss him a lot but I am certain that I will see him again in heaven.

MY WEDDING

 

Amidst all the circumstances-my grandpa’s departure and James’s dad health condition-I asked God for strength for both James and I as we made preparations for our wedding in November 2011. By October, we actually had a long list of “to do”s but miraculously, God just helped to ensure that everything fell in place. From the bridal shop, make-up artists, photographer, emcee, church venue, banquet matters to helpers, everything just came into place perfectly so much so it amazed both us and our friends around us! One thing is certain, everything in our wedding preparations went so well and wonderfully because God has blessed both James & me with the help of all our family members, cell members, church friends, colleagues and friends. Praise God!

I thank God for the opportunity and courage to share my testimony at my wedding banquet in Hong Kong. A month before the wedding, God impressed on my heart to share my testimony to my relatives. Without much thinking, I obeyed His call to testify. Due to our hectic schedules, I did not have the time to prepare my testimony, even more so, in Cantonese! But God helped me to prepare my testimony, ‘freshly out of the oven’ the night before the banquet dinner. I could remember frantically rehearsing in the hotel room continuously! I was filled with great excitement that our relative’s salvation day is here! James & I prayed that our banquet dinner would be special; that people will at ease and enjoy the dinner and my testimony would impact them. That night, the banquet went extremely well. In fact, we were amazed that the banquet manager, who looked “straight faced” as I shared my testimony, shared that she back-slided as a Christian and how my testimony encouraged her to return back to church once again. My Hong Kong make-up artist, who stayed for the banquet, also shared that she was inspired by my testimony. Even though none of my relatives came forth to talk to me about my testimony, many shared that they enjoyed the whole dinner and the heart-warming atmosphere of the banquet. That night, I was just so amazed by all that God has done and all that He is continuing to do that I think I was smiling all night in my sleep!

MY HEALTH

In early October 2011, I was diagnosed to have a 10.5cm diameter fibroid[1] in my uterus during my pre-marriage health checkup. I felt rather depressed as much has happened during that period, with James’ dad just being diagnosed with lung cancer and my grandpa just passed away. I desperately prayed and asked God for strength as I felt that I was at the bottom of the pit.

I am thankful that God has brought my family, my husband, my in-laws, my cell members, friends and colleagues into my life because God used them to bless me abundantly. They have provided me with physical support, prayers support, send words of encouragements and support via sms & emails and they also availed themselves to help me in my every need wholeheartedly. I felt really blessed.

I am thankful for God’s word which I feed on daily to strengthen my inner man and took courage to face all the mountains in my life. Even though the devil frequently came to steal my joy and bring fear, such negative feelings only last for awhile. I have learnt to proclaim God’s words in faith over my situation several times everyday. One of my favorite remains to be from Psalm 118:17: “I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done”. I thank God for His peace to rest every night without fail.

I am thankful that God is teaching me to endure through tough times and to learn to truly rely totally on Him in all circumstances. He has convicted my heart to not think and feel about my health condition from just a medical angle but instead to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways submit to Him and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3: 5-6). God also impressed on my heart that He would be directing the whole operation and that I need not worry.

On the Sunday before my operation, I felt a deep pleasurable heat on my right hand as the worship leader led us in the song ‘Jesus loves me this I know’. I felt such a deep sense of Jesus’ hand and presence that He is holding me and telling me to be secure in Him; He assured that I am being taken care of and am in His good hands. After service, I went forth for prayer and Elder Andrew anointed my hands with oil and prayed for me.

Throughout the whole time, I could sense God’s will for me to just trust and obey Him and to go through the operation instead of living in fear. He shared with me in my devotions that my step of obedience is a part of His greater plans. On 24^th April 2012, I successfully went through an operation to remove a 11.5cm diameter fibroid without much complications. Hallelujah!

Despite the difficult times, I have learn to give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for me in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5: 18). I am thankful to God that my operation was successful; no blood transfusion was required, no wound infection, no deep vein thrombosis and my uterus was preserved. I did not experience much side effects from the morphine, was able to walk and sit up on the second day and slept well during my hospitalization. In addition, I was taken care of by a good team of healthcare workers, regained my appetite quickly and felt really great physically, emotionally & spiritually after the operation.

Now, I am into my 2^nd week post-operation and I can see God’s work through all that has happened. I could see my faith being heightened to a new level. My testimony has encouraged others who are sick and have given hope to people around me. My family relationship has also become closer. My mother-in-law prayed out loud for me for the first time. My husband shared that he was inspired by my courage and faith in God and it edifies him. I could also sense a heightened spiritual atmosphere in cell. I now also have a better understanding of how it feels to have to go through an operation and become convicted to avail myself to provide support to people who need to go through operations or women with fibroids in the future. I was able to use the photographs of my extracted fibroid and testify to others about the Great God I serve.

I just can’t help but thank God for His strength, providence, joy, peace and everything! He is awesome and I m assured that surely His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23:6).

MY APPRECIATION

People I am extremely grateful for their prayers & support:

My daddy, mummy, sister, hubby (James Lim), mother-in-law, sister-in-law (Joyce Lin).

My spiritual family (Onelife 3: Lydia also my Prayer Accountability Partner, Michelle, Daniel, Huifen, Cynthia, Xu Chao, Joshua, June, Kent & Elly, Joyce & James Seah, Chui Wai & Ivan).

Area Overseers Chek Shih & Pei Kwee.

Onelife leaders (Sarah & Bill Leung, Wendy, Glen & Veronica, Ee Yang & Charmaine, Lydea, Maurice)

Riverlifers:  Elder Andrew Goh & wife, Celina, Angie & Kexin from Hospitality F & B Team, Alginna, Sarah Jenny, Amanda, Lucy Leng, Angela, Leng Leng.

Colleagues: Regina Lee, Xin Yi, Jerry, Ming Keat, Tok Cheng, Dawn, Zainon.

Friends: Yi Xuan, Syn Syn, Jia Hui, Grace Leong, Teri, James’ colleagues from Salvation Army HR department.

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[1] A tumor growth in females. While most fibroids are asymptomatic, they can grow and cause heavy and painful menstruation, painful sexual intercourse, and urinary frequency and urgency. Some fibroids may interfere with pregnancy.

Good Friday: Reflections of God's Love

Throughout the last few months, I have grown weary with all that happened in my life, which turned my life topsy turvy; having to manage quite a great deal including illness, loss of direction, death, disappointment, grief etc. 

And despite God speaking very clearly in the past few weeks through sermon, chapel, department devotions, "Roadmap to Maturity" course and quiet time, asking me to take up my cross, I wrestled with God and wanted to run away, just as Jonah did. "I am just too tired Lord and it's just not worth it".

But this this Good Friday, God has helped me to come to realize the full extent of His love for us, which demanded from me a response. I have come to realize that in the last hours of Jesus' life, it came to be an intense demonstration of the full extent of His love (John 13:1b, NIV84).

In the verse following John 13:1, we see the disciple John providing the only account, among the gospels, of the Lord Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. More than just a simple act, it was an act with profound significance. As one commentary puts it: "it was an act of Jesus' love that would stoop to even the most menial service. It was a spiritual cleansing. And it was an example of how Christians should treat each other. In these ways, the washing of the disciples' feet prefigured the Crucifixion" (Asbury Bible Commentary).

Starting with feet washing, Jesus here showed the full extent of His love for us every step of the way, from the last supper, struggling at the Garden of Gethsemane where He had to face the reality that He would have to go through the pain of crucifixion soon, all the way to the cross. All these because Jesus wants to cleanse us.

Do you now understand the full extent of His love for you? And what would your response be to His love for you?

Came across this beautiful song "I Then Shall Live" which I hope will minister to you, in the way we should live our lives as a response to the Lord Jesus Christ's work on the cross for us.

Once again, we are reminded that we have been cleansed by Jesus. Now, live your life as cleansed...

Why Does the Church Exist?

We asked a poignant question yesterday in cell. Why does the church exists?

And there were indeed many answers given...

• A community of believers to support, pray for, help, encourage and edify one another
• A place where we can attend Christian Education courses to grow in God
• A place where there's worship services so we can come together and hear God's leaders preach the word
• A place where there are intercession for everyone
• A place where there are programmes such as cell groups, missions, evangelism, discipleship etc
• A place where we, as believers, can exercise our giftings to bless each other

All these are good but as I sat down to prepare for cell and pondered, God brought to me a deeper revelation of what the Church is and why it exists.

God: "Are You Missing the Point?"
The past week had been an emotional roller coaster for me, as I struggled with God and told Him that I wanted to be a mediocre Christian. But from Sunday all the way till Friday, God has been sending me a series of "lessons".

I used to learn a lot from God when I did my QT using Navigator's Discipleship Journal which brought me through the bible each day rather extensively, through passages in both the Old and New Testament. And I remember how it always excites me because, even though the passages are all from 4 different places in the bible, sometimes a consistent message or lesson just pop out at me. But I have stopped using the Discipleship Journal plan ever since completed it some time back, and instead switched to a shorter plan. But, as I went through the "roller coaster" week, there was a desire to want to hear from God clearly again. And as I picked it up on Monday, God brought me to Acts 1:4-8 (NKJV):

⁴ And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, “which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; ⁵ for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” ⁶ Therefore, when they had come together, they asked Him, saying, “Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” ⁷ And He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. ⁸ But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Here, Jesus was asking the disciples to wait for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, which would help them to go about His mission for them. But the disciples missed the point and instead asked Jesus if He was speaking about the restoration of the Kingdom to Israel. Jesus quickly brought the disciples back and reminded them that they will be empowered to be His witness, both locally and globally; to the ends of the earth. 


What Perspective?
There was a prompting to share this passage with cell yesterday but I did not know how to go about it. But it became clear to me during worship yesterday that I, just like the disciples, have missed the point when I struggled with God. I was holding on to a worldly perspective rather than a Kingdom perspective. God has helped me to realise that we too can sometimes miss the point e.g. about the purposes and role of the Church.

Yes, intercession, prayer meetings, cell groups, CE courses, missions, Sunday service, Sunday school, all these are good. But have we missed the whole point of why God caused the Church to exist? And it is also true that many of us receive from the Church many good things: teachings, growth, reminders, encouragement, counselling, friendship, peace, new perspectives but yet, why the Church?

God Loves EVERYONE
For this, God again brought me revelation as I read Acts 2: 38-39 (NKJV) for yesterday's QT.

³⁸ Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. ³⁹ The promise is for you and your children and for ALL who are far off—for ALL whom the Lord our God will call.” (Emphasis mine)

These 2 simple verses made me realise that God loves EVERYONE; you and me, He loves us so much that He does not want us to perish.

2 Peter 3:9 (NIV) -The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (Emphasis mine)

God's Restoration Work

And it became very clear to me, once again, that God is going about His restoration work, all the way from the very beginning of time.

Acts 3:21, 25-26 (NIV)

²¹ Heaven must receive him until the time comes for God to restore everything, as he promised long ago through his holy prophets... ²⁵ And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers. He said to Abraham, ‘Through your offspring all peoples on earth will be blessed.’ ²⁶ When God raised up his servant, he sent him first to you to bless you by turning each of you from your wicked ways.” (Emphasis mine)

Somehow, this was apparent to me after I completed the KAIROS course years ago, but I have since forgotten.  On a sidenote, I would recommend everyone of you to go for KAIROS course, as it is a course which helps you make sense of the bible, as we examine it biblically, historically, strategically and culturally; everything in the past and in the current world will piece together and make sense as you see God's hands in it. 


But I am reminded that, yes, God started His restoration work from the very beginning when Adam and Eve fell.

Genesis 3:15 (NIV)

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”

God was talking to Satan who have caused man to fall away from God and we now know that, from the very beginning, God was setting in motion His Kingdom salvation plan and will ultimately bring a Messiah, Jesus; offspring of the woman. Satan will strike His heel but Christ will crush his head.

And who is this Salvation plan for? The Jews? Us? No, it's for all peoples of the earth! Was not all of us in God's mind when He made the Abrahamic Covenant with Abraham when He said: "... and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

So it's now clear that God is not just concerned, from the very beginning for just a select group of people, but for ALL peoples of the earth. 2 Cor 5: 14a (NIV) reminds us that "one died for all".

The Ministry of Reconciliation
Jesus came to reconcile us to God but left with us the mission to continue this ministry of reconciliation, which Daniel Goh so aptly pointed out in 2 Cor 5:18-20 (NIV):

¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

So, from the very beginning, God has you and ALL peoples in mind, to restore us back to Him, away from the work of the Satan, who seeks to "steal, kill and destroy".

So coming back, where does the Church stand in all these? The Church is meant to be the "called out" ones; the ones who have been called by God to restoration with Him and then, to in turn call out others back to Him. This is why the Church exists. And all the cell groups, seminars, Sunday schools, missions, intercession, prayer meetings are the means to the end (not the end) of helping us, on a daily basis, to be restored to God and in turn to help us restore others to God. 


God's Holy Spirit & Empowerment
And God did not leave us alone because He knows we need empowerment. Thus, He gave the Holy Spirit to each of us, just as Jesus had the Holy Spirit which empowers Him:

Luke 4:18-19 (NIV)

"“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Yes, there are people who are unlovable, who are resistant, who we might feel do not deserve Christ. But think about it, you and I are also unlovable to some other people and definitely unlovable in God's standards. But someone cared enough to bring us to be restored with God. All the peoples, both locally and globally, are children of God and God cares for them. What are you doing about it? 


Do you now know why the Church exists?

In a nutshell:

• God loves EVERYONE
• God loves EVERYONE enough to begin His Salvation plan from the moment man fell
• Jesus came to bring reconciliation between God and His people
• Jesus gave the ministry of reconciliation to His followers
• The Church exists, not as a building or institution or club, but as a gathering and community of His followers to be about this ministry of reconciliation.
• Missions, cell groups, prayer meetings, services, CE courses all are means to help us be restored to God, on a daily basis, and to help us to restore others to God
• God does not leave us alone but gives us the Holy Spirit to help us
• And ultimately, the Kingdom of God will be established on earth, as it is in heaven
• Amen

Do you now have the Kingdom perspective of the Church?

I have also included the videos which I showed in cell yesterday and hope it helps to further drive the points across.

Thanks for Hosting GSCC Pastors

Hello everyone,

Thanks to all who have helped us to host our first missionaries in our cell! And Onelife 3 will continue to play host to all that God brings through our doors.

Group Photo with Pastor Raju & Pastor Tanda (+ Daniel who is humbly serving behind the scene taking the photo)

I hope that both Pastor Raju and Tanda has blessed you with their testimonies, and sometimes seeing the circumstances that they serve in and yet how their hearts burn fervently for God, it can be quite a humbling experience for me, who can lament over the slightest things. But there, they have to face with lack of resources, having to go on foot for 15km to share the gospel, face rejections and threats from people; actual dangers to their lives. Their heart to serve comes out of gratitude for God who has changed their lives. And we should continue to honor and keep all missionaries in prayers cause it can be a challenging task. God reminds us in 1 Tim 5:17-18 that we are to honor leaders "especially those whose work is preaching and teaching" (v17b); to these people, God says they are worthy of "double honor".

We all can have the privilege of being in God's presence because of our forefather missionaries who worked against all odds. And I believe that Pastors Raju and Tanda will not only come to be a great channel of blessing but will also raise many a great leaders. We are glad to have been a part of the learning journey of these pastors who are here to be trained and mentored. Like Elder Andrew mentioned, thanks for doing something for eternity.

Let's continue to pray for all our missionaries and as this week approach, there will also be more opportunities for you to find out more about missions at the mission night on 9 Mar (Fri), 8.15pm-10pm at Worship Centre and also on 11 Mar, 2pm @ Rooms 214, 215 as we hear from our own local Riverlife missionaries who are going to the field, how God has called them and the work they are going to do. I commend that to you and hope you will join us. I also comment to you to consider going together as a cell perhaps to India for mission trip for the next round.

Lastly, Pastors Raju and Tanda has invited us to their graduation from Tung Ling Bible School, on 22 Mar (Thu), 7.30pm at Bethesda Cathedral, 30 Chai Chee Street S468979. Anyone keen to go?

James