Instead of Shame

12 May 2010
Susanne Scheppmann

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." Isaiah 61:7 (NIV)

I turned and walked away from God in anger and disappointment. I tossed away the calling of ministry on my life. The Lord had hurt my feelings, so I left my faith to find a fresh path.

This happened during my twenties. With two toddlers climbing up my legs during the day and crying intermittently during the night, I was physically exhausted. Emotional turmoil began to disintegrate my marriage. My immature faith lacked the stamina to hold to God tightly. So, for seven years I wandered through sin, divorce, and miserable meanderings of my own making. It was a time of spiritual drought—the years of shame.

Although I walked away from God, He did not walk away from me. The Lord allowed me to experience life in the wilderness of doubt, but He was right there watching over me and waiting for me to return to the call of ministry placed on my life at age eighteen.

Eventually, I allowed myself to feel His presence in my life. Little by little, the Lord Jesus wooed me back to Himself. I remember the exact time and place that I felt Him whisper to my spirit, "Let's start over and do it right this time." I wept with relief and joy. I began to study the Bible and allowed it to change my damaged spiritual heart. This time it wasn't going to be head knowledge, but heart knowledge.

My faith was back on track, but I did not think my calling to ministry could ever be restored. Hadn't I traveled too far off the godly path? Surely, God didn't want me anymore in service to His Kingdom. Surely, He had more qualified daughters that could minister to others without the shame of a sullied past such as mine.

However, that is not how God thinks at all. The Bible says, "For God's gifts and his call are irrevocable (Romans 11:29, NIV). The Lord desires for us to move beyond the shame of past mistakes and into His calling for our lives. He will restore us to useful service in the Kingdom. It takes time and it is a process, but the Almighty God still has a plan for each of our lives. He intends to replace disgrace with rejoicing, so that we may show our world that we are living miracles.

Do I hear an "Amen"?

Dear Lord, thank You for having mercy on me. Display Your will for my life. Enable me to fulfill the gifts and call in my life, so that others will understand Your grace and mighty power. In Jesus' Name, Amen.