Important Reflections in Life

Today we celebrated my brother in law birthday. My younger sis told me that she had been a free thinker for many years. Actually all along I consider that she is a backslided believer. To hear that from her made my heart feel so painful and I can feel that my heart just sank then. How could she have received Jesus in her life so many years back and then now behave she dun really know him at all? I asked if it is because of me. She was shocked when she heard that, she said she had became free thinker because of her hubby-my brother in law who is a staunch Buddhist. This probably gave her more space and more flexibility to deal with different situations in life, and she say can worship other Gods as they wish. To her it seems like her husband is her everything in life. How about the Lord Jesus in her life? Where are you my Lord Jesus? Can you come back to my younger sis's life once again? Why has Christian faith become just a religion and a set of ritual to her? To think that she felt that I came back from the wake and was concerned I go shower soon due to some superstitious thinking. About my friend's grandmom who had passed on lately, I told my sis to me the ritual (even if it is Taoist one) is not everything but I only hope that her grandmom has indeed received Jesus into her heart, that is all that really matters. At the end it seems my dear sis could not really identify with what I had said, the trace of her childlike faith as in the past is no longer there now, I felt really deeply grieved at the change I see in her now. I really feel very sad and burdened whenever I think of my family salvation. I felt guilty at times maybe I felt I have not prayed hard enough for their salvation. But I really wanna to thank God because of the courage to share with her about my thinking of our Christian faith and also about my friend's grandmom passing on with my sis, and though I am upset but I am glad God let me know of her spiritual state better.

In fact as the year is ending off very soon, I hope to do some reflections of life since 2 years back then. Ever since I was restored back to the Christian community (my cg) in 2008 when I aspired and wanna to be committed to be part of cell, the community God had put me in, this is also a year which the foundation in my life is laid again. Before that I was quite distracted by many issues in life and I was so far away from God. God had been faithful to me, never he had forsaken me despite some tough challenges and temptations to go back to the old ways. It is a year when I experienced restoration and healing in my life. I am really thankful to what God had done in my life. Year 2008 is also a special time God began to place in my heart a burden for my family salavation, my mothers and my 2 sisters (especially my younger sis who moved from christian to backslided Christian to a free thinker), God ignited me a passion and love for my family never like before even though many times I lamented at my imperfections.

Then in this year 2009 which will be passing on in 19 days times, there are many things I really wish to give thanks to. This is a year when I started serving God in the ministry and also contributed more to part of cell life, learning to build God's community where he has placed me in. Even there were down moments but as I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus and surrender it all to him, I felt it had always been joyful and privileged to be serving God and his people, I thank God for all I had learn in this spiritual journey with the Lord, perseverance, faith and trust in him, full surrender of troubled emotions to the Lord. I am thankful I am learning to let go of my old self, of course this year there is lots of tough battles, dealing with negative condemnations and lingering hurts, many times my emotions acts to deceive me, all I can say it is tough but again I learn to look beyond myself to serve God and his pple, learning to let go and to see from pple's perspectives and have a clearer communication (having a clearer expectations may help). Going through Mission Trip in September helps me further to look beyond myself and having a closer glimpse of mission on God's heart, my life and many of those who went on the mission trips, our life have been transformed!

God also brings me to different groups of Christian community in my life, that goes bey0nd my own cg (CG is still the source despite I did learn a lot and blessed through many of these community). I felt encouraged and experienced spiritual growth as I established deep bonds with these fellow brothers and sisters in Christ (regardless of church background and denominations) and we encouraged each other along this journey. And I thank God that through christian community he placed me in he has blessed me with the friendship and support of a fellow sister in Christ who is also my dear prayer partner. Even though she maybe quiet in her own ways but I thank God for her being supportive and her friendship that really means a lot to me. Somehow we are able to encourage and pray for each other naturally, iron sharpen iron is the word that describe about our friendship and partnership.

I also started with my reading of God's words this year, not easy because I tried to use many different forms (online reading, different types of bible study plans printout, daily devotions) and there are times I have stopped for a while as I was feeling pretty tiring and unmotivated to read God's words and I remembered I also had a challenging discussion with a fellow brother on reading God's words. Somehow this challenging discussion seems to play quite a significant role to help me to get back to the basics of hearing from God through reading of his words.

For next year I hope that God can help me to continue to grow spiritually through diligent reading of God's word (to be more comfortable with the current bible reading plan), more personal time with God, more time to pray and fast especially for my family salvation (I wanna to experience this hunger to pray earnestly and hungry for God's word), I ask God to expand my heart to serve and love pple even if it requires me to go through a heart surgery-change my heart Lord so that God can use me to do his work. I ask God to expand the ministry in my heart, to be seeking God in any other possible area of ministry that he will be placing me in. May I continue to rise up to his call in year 2010!